I would hate abandoning my phone with someone else.

I'm, like, worried about my phone right now.

Where is it?

Hi.

I'm comedian Nikki Glaser, and today I'm gonna surprise one of my fans by taking over her social media.

I can't wait.

Come to me.

Oh, there you are.

Hello.

Hi.

Hello.

Hi.

I'm nervous that you're not gonna know who I am.

Okay?

So I'm Nikki Glaser.

Oh, I didn't know.

You give me your phone.

What's your name?

Sam ti me.

I'm excited to take over your phone.

Get out of here before I dive in and start like, messing up your world.

I'm gonna, like, observe you and check out what you're doing.

Currently on social media.

Oh, my God.

Are you okay with me going through your photos?

Yes.

Okay.

You posed with a cow.

You went to a dairy farm?

Yeah, man.

Oh, my God.

Wait a second.

Are you vegan?

No.

No.

Did it make you wanna be?

Yes.

Okay, so we're a step in the right direction.

Drinking in the woods with your friends.

Yeah.

You're fun, friend.

You like that, Doors?

You having fun in a bathroom?

with your girlfriend.

I mean, classic millennial fund.

What other acts to use on your phone?

What can I get into O is the notes apple lot?

Oh, I can't wait to see your notes up.

Potentially life changing thoughts.

Goddammit!

Oh, yeah, I forgot some of these air.

Just things that'll update every so often.

Sometimes their dreams.

Sometimes there's things I just see on the street sometimes their half formed thought.

Oh, my gosh, this is your book.

You're gonna write this in the am I running a risk in knowing that my lower case ours look like these?

Oh, um, you could be wanting to say victim.

And you could say rectum.

I don't know why you would be saying victim, because that's not a word, but that could really come back to bite you.

And then rectum.

Three.

Only Eminem's worth eating are pretzel.

Eminem's agreed through the best ticks that you really don't know.

What?

That I don't know what that is.

Oh, my God.

Take pics.

We should do a tick pick later.

That would be a funny thing instead of a dick pic.

So you send the mean people have a girlfriend, Some people have a boyfriend.

I have to check out this loser.

Hang on.

Stop walking.

I want to see.

This is so stupid.

No, Dad.

I'm just gonna give your dad like and I love you.

Okay.

Happy Father's say it's not even close to father.

Say when we're taping this.

I'm just gonna write happy Father's Day to a lot of people.

I don't know who these people are, but you're gonna get a bag.

Okay, so I feel like I know you well enough.

I feel like we have a good report.

Let's let me like now I'm gonna take over your social media.

Are you on the dating apps?

I have a hinge.

Weirdest gift I ever have given or received a Jeff Goldblum shower curtain.

I've never on given anything, but I like this question because I have given money.

Date me If you want the details.

The one thing you I'd love to know about you is do you think the Pope would go out with me?

Yeah.

I was filling out a dating profile one time.

The 1st 1 I ever did in.

My pal Amy Schumer was helping me with it.

And you had to come up with, like, a headline, which is like your face.

And then, like a headline.

And she came up with the headline that got me so many messages.

What was, uh how about this new pope?

But we're not gonna stick with it.

Okay?

What are you looking for in a guy?

They have to be taller than me.

Oh, yeah, I'm pretty tall.

How tall are you?

Listen, you know what?

That is great.

Let's just put it out there because girls care about that.

And we're all looking for little ways to figure out if they're tall or not by comparing them to different structures in their pictures.

I don't want to play that game anymore.

Yeah, like sometimes this is a good way to find out how tall guys.

Okay, if he's posing with a fish, every guy has a picture where they're holding a fish on a boat.

Yeah, Google, the species of fish.

Find out it's average size and then go back and just, like, added up.

Great.

And if he's under five salmon or whatever it is like swiping back in.

Okay, cool.

You have a lot of matches as you should.

What else do you listen to besides Magic?

Maggie Rogers?

What else do you listen to?

Its answer Her Should I give her a genuine answer?

Should be like, Oh, genuine.

Um, I listen Thio, Prince and Liz.

Oh, and, um Carole King and David Bowie.

And Nikki Glaser is my favor.

Comic Larry King.

Yeah, I think you said that, Uh, Debra Messing with the voices in my head.

Yeah.

Okay, so I think things were gonna really pop off with her.

Instagram.

Let's see if you're even following me.

I mean, I'm about to be slightly insulted, and I'm about to get a new follower.

You are following me.

What's that message myself?

Okay.

Hey, you are beautiful and deserve love.

Never forget that.

You need to hear that today.

Yeah, always.

Okay, your bio.

Let's say happy E.

Don't think this is what's supposed to happen on this show, but it's what's happening.

Let's see this.

Yeah, You bet your butt I got my aura photographed unfollowed me.

Now I beg of you.

You got your aura photographed.

Yeah, I photographed my order and send it to a couple of guys before And where that wasn't I guess that wasn't my aura.

I'd love to edit this one because we learned something on this dairy farm.

Guys, I spent some time at a dairy farm and realized that cows are no different then our dogs and cats, period.

So therefore, I'm deciding right now to never eat milk cheese or any product from a cow again, period, because I wouldn't eat any product from my dog.

Now, would I question mark question Mark Or would I question mark question.

Mark, let's do a story together.

Okay?

My friends, I'm Nikki Glaser, and I'm taking over Sam's phone, and I just want to say her new brand is What is it?

Fathers?

Every day.

His father's every day.

Okay, now I'm gonna put a little stamp on it.

Let's see what they have with Dad.

Dad number one, Dad E No.

Then mo the easiest way to send money online because PayPal charges you something.

How seventies.

I hate how centipede so much.

They're the worst.

Why did they pay for them?

I need to know what is the story here?

I haven't talked to this person since middle school.

I need Oh, my God.

You have it, Thio.

It's fine also.

How have you been?

A long time.

No see, I literally can't even look at a picture of one.

They're so disgusting.

I mean disgusting.

Just look at its face.

It's like, Oh, my God, Someone's plotting against us.

Can I call my dad?

Yeah, I'm putting in Nicky's dad.

I'd help.

This'd Sam.

I'm doing a takeover of her whole phone.

And we've developed a theme today, which is happy Father's Day.

Why are you picking up a random number?

All right, Dad.

Happy Father's Day.

Every day.

His father's day.

Right, Sam?

Don't forget it.

Don't forget it.

Saved the house.

Centipede.

We love you.

Way.

Is she okay?

Okay.

I'll Venmo you from Sam's phone by.

So, Sam, do you have Twitter?

I do not know.

Really.

Why?

Because you want to lead a happy life.

Not infected by people's thoughts.

24 hours a day.

Okay, so we downloaded Twitter.

Let's get you started, girl.

Most people did this in 2008.

But you're starting today.

What?

What do you want to tell the world?

Um, About things I like and things I don't like your no torched.

A perfect place to start.

So let's go back to your notes and buying something, because I want you to write like, a bang in first tweet like I'll retweet it.

Even some followers.

Okay.

Should we go to the ticks?

Oh, yeah, like, yeah, let's do well, because we can connect the tick and the centipede.

Right?

Awesome.

Me Thinking about what?

My first tweet should be very good, right?

It doesn't look like he's like plotting me plotting.

And then this is so meta because this is your first tweet it Hit it, that's all.

You, girl felt good.

You're off to the races, thanks to you all.

Like it later on for sure.

I gotta be honest with you, Sam.

I get feels uncomfortable for me to, like, present you as something other than what you are online.

But it was really fun, and you were such a good sport.

And you're so funny and fun.

I'm gonna text you on Father's Day and please, I'd love that.

Yeah, And guess when fathers is today.