[ Applause ]

[掌聲]

>> So I'm going to start by walking you into a scene

>>所以，我'要先帶你走進一個現場

in a movie and then I want y'all to tell me what happens next.

在一部電影中，然後我希望y'都能告訴我接下來會發生什麼。

Okay, here's my black, Christmas eve, beautiful night,

好了，這就是我的黑色，聖誕夜，美麗的夜晚。

light snowfall, young family of four in the car on the way

小雪，年輕的四口之家，在路上的汽車上。

to grandma's house for dinner.

到奶奶家吃飯。

They're listening to the radio station,

他們在聽廣播電臺。

the one that starts playing the Christmas music

那個開始播放聖誕音樂的人

like right at Halloween.

就像在萬聖節一樣

[laughter] Jingle Bells comes on.

[笑聲] 鈴兒響叮噹的聲音響起。

The kids in the backseat goes crazy,

後座的孩子們都瘋了。

everyone breaks into song.

每個人都打破了歌曲。

The camera pans in on the faces of the kids, the mom,

鏡頭平移到孩子們的臉上，媽媽。

dad, what happens next?

爸爸，接下來會發生什麼？

Car crash, 60% of people say car crash, 60%.

車禍，六成人說車禍，六成。

Another 10% to 15% have equally fatalistic answers [laughter]

另外10%到15%的人的答案同樣是宿命論[笑聲] 。

but more creative.

但更有創意。

[laughter] I have the camera cuts to the oncologist

[笑]我有相機切到腫瘤醫生。

who is just looking at the bad news that he is going

誰只是看著他要去的壞消息。

to share the day after Christmas.

來分享聖誕節後的一天。

I have they get to grandmother's house, everyone is dead,

我有他們得到奶奶'的房子，每個人都死了。

a serial killer is on the loose.

一個連環殺手在逃。

[laughter] And I had one dude who worked

[笑]我有一個紈絝子弟誰的工作。

in a shark attack, I did.

在鯊魚攻擊，我做到了。

What's interesting to me about this

我對這個有意思的地方是

and it's an indictment a little bit of the media,

和它'是一個起訴一點點的媒體。

which I wouldn't so much care about except

我不會那麼多的關心，除了

that I'm a vulnerability researcher

我是一個漏洞研究者。

and I've spent the last 10 years studying vulnerability

我花了10年的時間研究脆弱性。

and I cannot tell you how many hundreds and hundreds of stories

我不知道有多少個成百上千的故事。

that I've collected from people

我從人們那裡收集到的

who that is their response not just to media

誰，是他們的反應，不僅是媒體

but in their real lives.

但在他們的現實生活中。

How many parents I've interviewed who will say

我採訪過多少父母，他們會說

and I'm looking at my children and they're sleeping and I'm

我看著我的孩子們，他們在睡覺，而我

on this verge of bliss

沾沾自喜

and I picture something horrible happening.

我想象著一些可怕的事情發生。

Do you know this?

你知道嗎？

Yes. I get the promotion and I get to fly

是的，我升職了，我可以坐飛機了

up to headquarters you know to find out about my new job

去總部看看我的新工作吧。

and what's going to happen, plane crashes.

和什麼&#39；會發生，飛機墜毀。

The fatalistic response is not universal.

宿命論的反應並不普遍。

We're not all like that.

我們&39;不是所有的人都是這樣的。

But it is a symptom of an issue that is both universal

但這是一個普遍性的問題的症狀。

and I believe profoundly dangerous.

而且我認為是非常危險的。

And that is we are losing our tolerance for vulnerability.

那就是我們正在失去對脆弱的容忍度。

And in our culture we, what do we think is synonymous

而在我們的文化中，我們認為什麼是同義詞？

with vulnerability, weakness.

與脆弱、軟弱。

Y'all are an excellent audience.

y'都是優秀的觀眾。

[laughter] It's almost as if I trained you.

[笑]這幾乎就像我訓練你。

It's perfect.

它的完美。

Weakness, and I'm going to talk

弱點，我就說說吧

about how that's not the case tonight.

關於今晚的情況如何'不是這樣。

Vulnerability is absolutely at the core of fear and anxiety

脆弱絕對是恐懼和焦慮的核心。

and shame and very difficult emotions that we all experience

和恥辱以及我們都經歷過的非常困難的情緒。

but vulnerability is also the birthplace of joy, of love,

但脆弱也是快樂、愛的誕生地。

of belonging, of creativity, of faith,

的歸屬感、創造力、信仰。

and so it becomes very problematic

於是就很麻煩

when as a culture we lose our capacity to be vulnerable.

當作為一種文化，我們失去了脆弱的能力。

So this kind of fatalistic car crash is a symptom.

所以這種宿命論的車禍是一種症狀。

I refer to it as foreboding joy.

我把它稱為預感的喜悅。

One of the symptoms that we're losing our capacity

我們正在失去我們的能力的症狀之一。

for vulnerability is that joy actually becomes foreboding.

對於脆弱的是，快樂實際上變成了預感。

Something good happens or we're looking at someone we love

有好的事情發生，或者我們正在尋找我們所愛的人。

or we're thinking about something we care about

或者我們正在思考一些我們關心的事情。

and then we become compelled to beat vulnerability to the punch.

然後，我們就不得不把脆弱打得體無完膚。

Other symptoms, disappointment as a lifestyle,

其他症狀，失望作為一種生活方式。

it is much easier to live disappointment then it is

人生得意須盡歡

to feel disappointment and so this is the person in the

感到失望，所以這是在的人。

after school movie that I don't want to play your stupid game

放學後的電影，我不&#39；想玩你的愚蠢的遊戲。

because it's dumb and boring and because really maybe

因為它的愚蠢和無聊，因為真的也許

because nobody will ask me.

因為沒有人會問我。

We sidestep getting excited about something

我們避開了激動的東西

because we're not sure it's actually going to happen.

因為我們'不確定它'是否真的會發生。

Low grade disconnection, is another symptom

低級失聯，是另一個症狀。

of vulnerability avoidance.

避開脆弱性；

We go through the motions.

我們按部就班。

It's like low grade fever.

就像低燒一樣。

It may not kill us but it keeps us pretty miserable.

它可能不會殺死我們，但它讓我們相當痛苦。

Perfection is one of the, I call it the 200 pound shield,

完美是其中之一，我稱它為200磅的盾牌。

how can anything go wrong if my life looks like an ad?

如果我的生活看起來像一個廣告，怎麼會有什麼問題？

I'm going to perform and please

我要去表演了，請你去。

and make sure everything's perfect.

並確保一切'的完美。

And perfectionism has nothing to do with striving for excellence.

而完美主義與追求卓越無關。

It's nothing to do with healthy striving.

這'與健康的奮鬥無關。

Healthy strive, people who I interview

健康奮鬥，我採訪的人

who are absolutely accomplished and people who strive

有志者事竟成，有志者事竟成

for excellence are the biggest negotiators and compromisers

追求卓越的人是最大的談判者和妥協者。

that I've ever interviewed.

的，我'過採訪。

Perfection is a tool to protect ourselves.

完美是保護自己的工具。

Extremism is a very simple equation,

極端主義是一個很簡單的等式。

faith minus vulnerability equals extremism.

信仰減去脆弱性等於極端主義。

Faith is the vulnerability that flows

信仰是流露出來的脆弱

between the shores of certainty.

在確定的兩岸之間。

Faith without vulnerability,

信仰而不脆弱。

spirituality is inherently vulnerable.

靈性本來就很脆弱。

It is believing in things we don't understand

這是相信我們不理解的事情。

or really can't see.

還是真的看不到。

And last I believe the most universal way

最後我相信最普遍的方式

that we are dealing with an intolerance for vulnerability

我們正在處理不容忍脆弱性的問題

in our culture is that we numb and I'll talk

在我們的文化是，我們麻木和我'會說話。

about this in a minute.

關於這個在一分鐘內。

Let's go to a bigger question

讓我們進入一個更大的問題。

and that is what is driving this intolerance

而這正是推動這種不容忍的原因

for vulnerability in us?

對於我們身上的弱點？

And I believe the answer is scarcity.

而我相信答案是稀缺性。

We live in a culture that tells us that there is never enough.

我們生活在一種文化中，這種文化告訴我們，永遠都不夠。

That we are not enough, that we are not good enough,

我們還不夠，我們還不夠好。

that we are not safe enough,

我們還不夠安全。

that we can never be certain enough,

我們永遠無法確定

that we're not perfect enough and maybe the one

我們還不夠完美，也許是我們還不夠完美

that we really don't talk

我們真的不說話

about that I think is perhaps the most dangerous is

關於這一點，我想也許是最危險的是。

that we are not extraordinary enough.

我們還不夠非凡。

In this world somehow an ordinary life has become

在這個世界上，平凡的生活不知怎的就變得

synonymous with a meaningless life.

毫無意義的生活的代名詞。

And so often we are missing what is truly important

所以我們往往錯過了真正重要的東西。

because we are on the quest for what is extraordinary,

因為我們是在追求不平凡的東西。

not understanding that in our ordinary lives,

在我們平時的生活中不瞭解。

in the ordinary moments of our lives is really

在我們生活中的平凡時刻，其實

where we can find the most joy.

在那裡我們可以找到最快樂的地方。

One of the things that happens I think in our culture

我認為在我們的文化中，發生的事情之一是：

of scarcity is that we are constantly collecting images

稀缺性是我們不斷地收集影像。

and messages and experiences, I think it's unconscious.

和資訊和經驗，我認為它'是無意識的。

I really don't think that we're aware of how many messages

我真的不認為我們意識到有多少資訊。

and images of scarcity that we collect every day.

以及我們每天收集的稀缺性影像。

And I want to tell a story about something that happened

我想講一個故事 關於發生的事情

about six months ago that I think really illustrates this.

大約六個月前，我認為真正說明了這一點。

So I have to catch a flight to go do a talk somewhere

所以我得趕飛機去某個地方做演講。

and my daughter's, you know I have a five year old

和我的女兒，你知道我有一個五歲的。

and an 11 year old, and my daughter is really struggling

和一個11歲的孩子，和我的女兒真的很困難。

with a school project.

與學校項目。

I am definitely in the scarcity mode.

我絕對是稀缺模式。

I shouldn't be going.

我不應該去。

I'm not a good enough mom.

我不是一個足夠好的媽媽。

I can't balance all of this.

我無法平衡這一切。

I have to go to my bank, which is inside of a grocery store,

我得去我的銀行，那是在一家雜貨店裡面。

which is, I don't know if that happens here

這是，我不知道如果發生在這裡

but in Texas all the banks have moved inside the grocery stores.

但在德州，所有的銀行都搬到了雜貨店裡面。

[laughter] So I walk into the grocery store sliding glass,

[笑]所以我走進雜貨店的滑動玻璃。

you know the sliding glass doors

你知道滑動玻璃門

and there's a big code Adam sticker, which tells,

並有'的大代碼亞當貼紙，這告訴。

if you don't know what that is,

如果你不知道那是什麼。

it's an incredibly important program but it's a program

它是一個非常重要的程序，但它是一個程序。

that says this store and its employees are trained

說這家店和它的員工都受過訓練

that when a child has gone missing or nabbed,

當一個孩子失蹤或被抓時；

everything in the store shuts down.

店裡的所有東西都關閉了。

So I look at that and I think oh God, okay, just stay focused,

所以我看著這些，我想哦，天啊，好吧，你就專心點吧。

Renee, no one is going to nab your kids while you're away.

Renee，沒有人要抓你的孩子，而你&#39；離開。

I go and get my money.

我去拿我的錢。

I get back in the car and get on the freeway toward the airport

我回到車上，上了高速公路，向機場駛去。

and I pass the Amber Alert, keep driving, Renee, keep driving.

我通過安珀警報， 繼續駕駛，Renee，繼續駕駛。

About two miles past the Amber Alert there's a sign

過了安珀警報大約兩英里，有一個標誌。

that tells me that 39 people have been killed

這告訴我，39人已經被殺

on that specific stretch of highway [laughter]

在那段特定的公路上[笑]

and please wear my seatbelt.

請繫上我的安全帶

Then I get to the airport and of course I'm in line

然後，我到了機場，當然，我'排隊。

to security getting naked

向保全脫光

and I hear the threat code has been moved to orange.

我聽說威脅代碼已經被移到橙色。

And then I go through this thing that I'm like oh my God,

然後我經歷了這件事，我'我喜歡哦，我的上帝。

holy crap, is it always orange.

神聖的廢話，它總是橙色的。

You know I was like I'm going to start writing on my hand

你知道我就像我'要開始寫在我的手。

with a Sharpie, it's always orange.

用夏普筆，它總是橙色的。

Orange is not, you know, hasn't gone bad.

橙色不是，你知道，還沒有變壞。

I'm like what is it?

我'像什麼呢？

Okay so I'm like orange, okay, it's orange.

好吧，所以我'像橙色，好吧，它'的橙色。

I think it was orange yesterday.

我想昨天是橙色的。

[laughter] Maybe something happened

[笑] 也許發生了什麼事

and I was busy reading the Amber Alert,

而我正忙著看安珀警報。

then trying to find a license plate.

然後試圖找到一個車牌。

So I get to my gate and I sit down and they're

所以，我到了我的門，我坐下來，他們'。

like do not leave unattended baggage, you know and I look

像不要離開無人看管的行李，你知道和我看

down and there's a bag.

下來，有'的一個袋子。

[laughter] And I'm like oh my God, wait, it's a diaper bag

[笑]和我一樣，哦，我的上帝，等待，這是一個尿布袋。

and I know that mother is like 10 feet away chasing her kid

我知道那個媽媽就在10英尺外追她的孩子。

and I'm like but I saw this on Law and Order [laughter]

和我一樣，但我看到這個法律和秩序[笑]。

and I'm going to board that plane

我將登上那架飛機。

and then the next thing you're going to hear is chink, chink,

然後接下來你'會聽到的是叮噹，叮噹。

that Law and Order chink and then we're going to blow up.

那法律和秩序的縫隙，然後我們&#39；要炸燬。

So I get on the plane and I'm really getting ready to start,

所以我上了飛機，我'真的準備開始了。

I'm in kind of what you would call,

我在你所謂的那種。

I would say, an anxiety attack.

我會說，焦慮症發作了。

So I'm having an anxiety attack and a guy comes in,

所以，我'有一個焦慮症發作，一個人進來。

I'm flying business class and a guy comes in

我坐商務艙的時候，有個人進來了

and he's sitting next to me.

而他就坐在我旁邊。

He turns out to be a supply chain manager consultant.

他原來是一個供應鏈經理顧問。

And so he looks over and he's like, are you okay?

所以他看過來，他'的樣子，你還好嗎？

I'm good. What's up?

我很好怎麼了？

And my phone rings and my son's face pops up.

而我的手機響了，兒子'的臉就彈了出來。

Well he's five so that means his school is calling.

好吧，他'五，所以這意味著他的學校是調用。

Hello, Charlie's got a fever.

你好，查理髮燒了。

Can you come get him?

你能來接他嗎？

So I'm like you know I text my husband.

所以我'像你知道我給我老公發短信。

I take care of it.

我會處理好的

And the guy next to me says really, are you okay?

旁邊的人說真的，你還好嗎？

By this time you know the cabin doors are closed.

這個時候你就知道機艙門已經關閉了。

And I said you know what, I'm good.

我說你知道嗎，我&#39；很好。

But I'm having that thing

但我有那個東西

where I can't decide whether my gut is saying get off the flight

在那裡我不能決定是否我的直覺是說下車的班機。

something's going to happen or I'm just freaking out

我不知道會發生什麼，我只是嚇壞了

and I'm trying to figure out how to do something crazy enough

我正在想辦法做一些足夠瘋狂的事情。

to get off the flight but to not end up on the no fly list.

為了下飛機，但為了不被列入禁飛名單。

[laughter] So this, I'm a super blast to fly with.

所以，這個，我'是一個超級爆炸的飛行。

[laughter] So then he said let me get you a drink.

[笑]所以，然後他說，讓我給你喝一杯。

And I said you know, I don't drink.

我說你知道，我不喝酒。

And he goes Xanax?

他去了Xanax？

And I was like, no, I don't do Xanax either,

我當時想，不，我也不做Xanax。

which is a shame but I don't.

這是一個恥辱，但我不'。

But then when I realize is it really makes me think

但當我意識到這一點時，它真的讓我覺得。

about my work because we numb vulnerability.

關於我的工作，因為我們麻木了脆弱。

Now had he said chips and queso,

現在他說的是薯片和奶酪。

that would have been a completely different issue.

這將是一個完全不同的問題。

[laughter] Evidence of the numbing,

[笑] 麻木的證據。

we are the most addicted, we are the most medicated,

我們是最上癮的，我們是最吃藥的。

obese and in debt adult cohort in human history.

人類歷史上肥胖和負債的成年群體。

We're numbing and this doesn't even include business.

我們'麻木了，這還不包括生意。

I didn't even put the busy slide up.

我甚至沒有把忙碌的幻燈片放上去。

You know when they start having busy recovering meetings they'll

你知道，當他們開始有繁忙的恢復會議，他們'將

have to, busy 12 step meetings, they'll have to rent

要，忙於12步會議，他們'將不得不租用。

out football stadiums because we just stay so busy that the truth

因為我們太忙了，以至於事實的真相。

of our lives just can't catch up but that's the plan.

我們的生活只是不能趕上，但這'計劃。

And so what are the consequences of numbing vulnerability?

那麼麻木脆弱的後果是什麼呢？

What are the consequences of trying

嘗試的後果是什麼？

to beat vulnerability to the punch?

將弱勢打得落花流水？

Here's the consequence to numbing that I've learned.

這裡'是我學到的麻木的後果。

You know as a vulnerability researcher I've spent the first

你知道作為一個漏洞研究者，我'已經花了第一。

six years of my research studying shame, empathy

六年來我對羞恥感、同情心的研究。

and courage and the last four years studying joy,

和勇氣，以及過去四年研究快樂。

authenticity, love and belonging.

真實性、愛和歸屬感。

And one of the things that I learned that was very startling

而我學到的一件事，是非常驚人的。

for me personally and everyone I've ever met is

對於我個人和我所見過的每個人都是

that you cannot selectively numb emotion.

你不能選擇性地麻痺情緒。

When we numb the dark emotion, when we numb vulnerability