Today we are going to be discussing some awkward truths.

But not awkward in the sense that I don't think periods should be talked about openly

and not awkward in the sense that I don't like telling when I have my period,

because, believe me, you'll know.

I'll be face-down on the floor, groaning in agony as a migraine rips through my brain

for five days straight,

leaving my face numb,

my spine riddled with incredibly painful electric shocks,

and my body about as shaky as a leaf in the sharp, sharp breeze.

My early periods didn't actually involve migraines,

and weren't that bad.

Or hugely memorable.

Even the surprise one I had when I was eleven

and wearing buttermilk yellow pyjamas,

sleeping in my new friend's guest bedroom on the big adult bed

with crisp white sheets.

And then... yeah, woke up in the morning and they were not white anymore.

I can't remember precisely, but I'm pretty sure I just

pulled the covers up and then high-tailed it out of there,

acting like some kind of carnivorous woodland creature had come in in the middle of the night

with its dinner, and I just had NO clue.

Then I hit seventeen, paralysed both of my arms,

got really ill, and was rushed to hospital.

Where I remained

for a number of weeks,

on the children's ward, the only person over the age of eleven

for a large part of my stay.

The nurses were all kind of half my height and used to looking after babies.

My period both a HUGE deal, and a tiny deal.

Too tiny to ask a nurse to help me, I mean, they are literally over there saving someone else's life.

But also too big? Too important? Too suddenly... soul-crushing?

Was it an independence thing?

It was too important for me to get anyone else involved,

even though I quite clearly needed their help.

Just to recap, I have a condition that temporary paralysis in my limbs.

'Temporary' does mean it that can last for years,

it just also means that it isn't for life.

We didn't know this at the time, however, so I was rushed to hospital

because they thought I might have a brain tumour or something.

And they ran a number of tests, one of which went VERY wrong

and left me unable to sit up without passing out and vomiting, and also in incredible pain... all the time.

Secondary recap, I dress like I'm from the past and sometimes I think that I might actually be from the past.

I don't swear, and I struggle to discuss "improper things" in person, with people- even doctors.

I don't know why I'm like this. It's really not very helpful.

I'm actually attempting to use this video as some kind of shock therapy.

So!

*claps*

Painful storytime.

I was in the children's ward, late at night, and everyone else was asleep.

Because they were five.

I'm watching 'Friends' on my tiny hospital TV, and the suddenly,

I get The Feeling.

The "Oh God, my period has started" feeling.

So, being that I was an eighty year-old woman trapped in a teenager's body,

who thought that there were just some things that should NOT be discussed in polite society

*sighs in mental agony*

*whispers* Why am I like this?

My mother isn't like this.

Even my grandmother wasn't like this.

I decided the best thing to do was NOT to call the nurse.

Oh, no. I was going to sort this out all by myself,

paralysed arms and semi-consciousness be damned.

So, slid out of the bed- remember, I can't stand up- commando-crawled my way across the hospital ward,

between other children's beds.

And even when I passed out halfway to the toilet,

there may have also been some vomit,

I didn't stop and think, "This might not be a good idea."

No, protecting my modesty was all that mattered to me in that moment.

It must have taken me at least half an hour to get across the room.

Finally, I turned the handle

with my feet.

I opened the door and bum-shuffled my way in,

head still on the ground.

I won't go into details of what happened next.

You don't need to know.

Suffice to say, if you have paralysed arms and issues with consciousness,

and you can't sit up,

I- using a sanitary towel is not the easiest thing in the world.

You may want to ask someone to help you.

Ahh, finally,

I called the nurses.

They came running, took one look at the situation,

sighed,

and within five minutes had everything fixed and me back in my bed.

And that is why I'm making this video today.

Because I felt hideously, horrendously alone.

And I don't want anyone else to feel that way.

"Thank you, Matilda."

I get embarrassed when it comes to talking about periods, but not about having them.

They're just a part of life.

They weren't a part I actually had to deal with for about six years after that

because I lost an awful lot of weight while I was ill, and also I was just TOO ill.

So... my body stopped them.

Periods are great. Periods show that your body is working, even if they're very erratic.

I am also making this video to bring to your attention something great!

The Clue app, kind sponsors of today's video.

"No, I sponsored the video! It's all me, aaahhh!"

Don't lick my nose!

Clue is a female health app that allows you to track your period,

and PMS,

and your next fertile window.

It's really easy to use, and it is very accurate.

Most importantly for me, however-

*laughs awkwardly*

- it has a great little warning system.

So it tells me when my next period/migraine is going to happen.

See, when I met my gorgeous wife, Claudia, my period started again.

Partly because she helped me to finally gain some weight, and get back to what is my...

normal... weight.

What I am right now.

And partially, I think that myth about women's cycles syncing up. It is NOT A MYTH.

It is ALL true.

Sadly, when they came back, they also brought with them horrendous migraines.

*melodramatic thunder*

I'm currently talking to my GP about getting them sorted, trying various different, umm, contraceptive pills,

and hormone replacement things that will hopefully slow down the migraine.

Thank you so much, by the way, to everyone who gave really great suggestions and

shared their own personal experiences in the Malaysia vlog

where we talked about this,

which I think was... number three?

It was number three or number four!

I'm going to put that in the description

Anyway, let me know if you would like an update of that in a few month's time,

and I'll let you know if I've actually found anything to stop my migraines.

Maybe they'll refer me back to the migraine clinic, which I got discharged from because

I missed an appointment, because I had a migraine.

Anyway, hopefully one of these pills will work and won't have bad side effects or something.

And even if it does, I can now use my Clue app to track those side effects.

Through using the app, I have learned that my cycle is ridiculously short.

So that feeling of "How do I have another migraine, I swear I just had one!",

is actually incredibly valid, because yes, I did.

The last one only finished less than twenty days ago.

My favourite part of the app is that you are able to track things other than just your period.

And here is where it becomes incredibly useful for those of us with a chronic illness.

You can track your energy levels,

your temperature,

your sleep cycle,

your digestion,

your ailments,

your medication.

Even your mental state.

If you feel like you're struggling with one of those things and need to go and see a doctor about it,

the doctor will always ask you to go away for a month and track it, and THEN come back.

But with this app, you can immediately start to recognise patterns,

and then, point them out to health professionals.

And since it's on your phone, and you can set it to bug you to type in today's data in case you forget to do so,

you are less likely to forget to fill it in

Excellent, if you're an incredibly forgetful person like me.

One thing that I think is also really worth mentioning is that Clue isn't just an app,

they also have a website.

I feel like they're not really promoting it enough, but it's a really cool website.

It has loads of great articles and data about how much is "normal" to bleed.

What is the best kind of contraception for your situation?

How should you talk to a doctor if you feel like there's a problem?

It has myth-busting and common questions and just things that I think needs to know.

Also, they are really inclusive, so everyone who wants to know anything

about wombs can get involved.

It is avaliable on iPhone, iPad, Android, and tablet.

And, you can download it for free by clicking the link in the description down below.

Or you could jusst search 'period tracker' in the App Store.

Obvious disclaimer: although it helps you to track your fertility, it is NOT a contraceptive.

That's not how bodies work.

The message that I want to get across to you today is that periods don't have to be scary,

and they don't have to be something that you hide away.

You're not alone.

Share your feelings, share your thoughts, write down what's happening to you

and you'll feel a lot more in control.

Also...

don't be an idiot like me!

It is ALWAYS okay to ask for help.

Now, goodbye my lovelies,

I shall see you next time.