And obviously, what people say is,

"If you're going to write anything now,

"God, write something topical, because the world is on fire.

"Surely you can write loads of topical jokes."

But the problem, of course, again, it's a two-year tour

and over the course of a two-year tour, topical jokes go out of date.

You know, I was writing the show here last summer, right?

And last summer was the time of all the terror attacks in London,

and so I had a routine about how strange it was to be in London

at the time of those terror attacks.

And then the other weird thing was, during those attacks,

when people would go on Fox News, right,

to talk about how, "Well, parts of London are under Sharia law."

And we'd all be sitting there going,

"What parts of London are under Sharia law exactly?", right?

And obviously, the hosts of Fox News don't care whether this is true

or not, they're there just there, going,

"Oh, tell me about the Sharia law.

"Num num num, tell me about the Sharia law, num num num."

I didn't do that bit in Dubai.

And then they'd go on, and this is my favourite racist dog whistle,

they'd go, "Well, there are parts of London which are no-go areas."

Do you remember this? That ordinary Londoners won't go into,

no-go areas.

And we'd all be sitting there, as ordinary Londoners,

going, "What are you talking about?

"There's no part of London that Londoners won't go into."

It's a ridiculous thing to say.

There is no no-go area for ordinary...

Well, one. There's one place in London that Londoners won't go into.

It's just outside Leicester Square.

It's called the M&M store.

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It's four storeys of something to do with M&Ms, we never go into it.

We all walk past and go, "How are they sustaining this

"for four storeys?" right?

I occasionally just open the door and go,

"This is not a thing," and then close the door again.

"Simply saying it is a thing doesn't make it a thing,"

and then close the door.

"You are sixth on a list that includes Smarties, Minstrels,

"Maltesers, Poppets, Revels, and then maybe you. Shut it down."

Close the door again.

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