to my channel it's 8:50 a.m. and I got really inspired after reading a bunch of

your comments on YouTube to create this video this is a very you know non

scripted video talking about how I keep this beautiful crazy loud family of mine

in check together not falling apart I'm the glue you guys are following kind of

our journey our lives and I'm so happy to share it with you I never thought

that I'm gonna be in the business of sharing my business but I must say I

feel like I have this huge huge family you are like my relatives that just live

around the world and I just keep posting and updating my social media so you guys

can keep up with what's going on I created a video I think like two years

ago when I just started my channel about motherhood and me and balance and all

that jazz and I really wanted to make kind of an updated video about that

touching on some questions or comments that you guys ask and leave often it's

kind of a little s time to connect I'm gonna start with basically talking a

little bit about my you know evolution as a mother I gave birth to Jake when I

was 23 I had no frickin idea of what I was doing

100% did I have any maternal instincts prior to that no I had an idea of the

mother that I wanted to be but I also had this really unicorn pink butterflies

idea of what motherhood is actually so I remember when I was pregnant with Jake I

would judge so many mothers around and I think that's something that a lot of

women and girls do I would look around and be like oh I would never do that I

will never say that my kid will never eat his boogers

um and then I had a baby and I think that karma has a wonderful way of

lessons that taught me a very very important lesson and that is to never

judge another mother and we all have our own little ways of dealing with this

crazy crazy journey of motherhood and when I had Jake I just really you know

went through this and I'm still going through it through this journey of

understanding who I am who is my child what is the best way to communicate with

each other we had kind of ups and downs and every kid is different I mean Jake

Ben and Max are all so different max so far is like I mean six weeks old

what can you expect from this perfect child whoo Jake it was very challenging

because I was a kid I had no idea what I was doing and he was you know a very

stubborn baby and we just kind of had to learn how to do it also growing into the

parents that we are min Gary and I it's Gary's fourth child - yes he's much

older than me is 18 years older than me but I'm his first wife although he

always tells people that he skipped his first wife and went to a second wife

which is cute it's funny I hope you get the joke it was a learning curve for

both of us to understand where we are as a couple in this Parenthood the world we

decided from the get-go to really make sure that with our kids we are a united

front we try to first of all not to disagree in front of the kids and always

back the other parent Jake or Ben will come and ask mom and then if I said no

to go and ask that and they don't never tell or mom said no so we really always

make sure that we know where we stand with our decisions so our kids know they

can't play us mom and Papa are the same and that's something that we kept

practicing obviously as time captain we had been with bed I was 24 does that

make sense Wow yeah I was 24 so Jake and Ben 17

months apart I would say that the hardest transition was moving from zero

kids to one kid because your whole world and everything you knew about yourself

and how you were doing things and your routine everything goes and then moving

from one to two was more manageable because you already got used to the

sleep depravation and just like the chaos and diapers as the

boys are growing I see more and more the areas where I want to focus on regarding

discipline I remember when I had been I started reading all these Parenthood

books because I wasn't doing it with Jake I was to like all over the place so

I started reading it would ban and every single book made me feel like a failure

and I remember after every book of what come and start crying to Gary and Gary's

like can you stop reading this there's no manual of how to raise children every

child is so so different at that point I started really trying to figure out how

I want to raise them how I want you know the discipline to be something that I

really liked about my childhood is that I had a lot of freedom to express myself

and I think that that was not a calculated move I think it was more of a

result where my mother didn't have time to be like a discipline you know maniac

she was working all the time she was a single mom so it was very much of a

you'll figure it out and I did so I kind of wanted to bring that aspect to the

way we discipline our kids because they have some traits and I'm sure you see in

the videos that are absolutely amazing for the future very challenging right

now but I don't want to break that so I think that for me I'm always gonna try

to notice those beautiful aspects of them if it's their stubbornness or you

know they won't like Ben or won't stop doing something until it's done right it

has to be perfect and I know that right now it can be really annoying and

everything so much time but in the future I think there will be such a

strong skill I want them to have a voice I want them to disagree if they feel

like they disagree I'm not a big believer of this like super strict

parenting just because I want them to grow into their own individual self for

me with the kids the most important part is for them to be kind for them to be

conscious of themselves and their environment for them to be hungry and

not necessarily like to make money or things like that I want them to be

passionate about something I think it's very

important in life to be an enthusiast I really want to kind of develop that

aspect of them we kind of really do what works for our family and I think that

sometimes and I post vlogs or videos people like to criticize certain things

are not even on my videos even other family videos the way your mother did it

would not work for you or for someone else I stopped making those comparisons

and I started understanding that okay for my goals and from my long-term this

is what's gonna work I'm all about working and having fun and spending time

with the kids but also not necessarily being there 24/7 I'm okay with that

because when there are teenagers I know that they'll need me then a lot more

that's when there's start experimenting and you know getting into different

groups of friends you know I'm gonna be the mother that will be sitting outside

of every house party doing little random pop-ups into their schools and just like

be really really annoying Jake Ben and Max when you're teens I'm

coming for you guys for the young girls that message me and tell me that I

aspire them to be a young mom please relax I think that for me it all really

worked out because I started my life as a grown-up much earlier I traveled the

world and I was by myself a lot which made me really honest with myself and

made me learn about my flaws and my my strengths and I think that prepared me

so well getting into this whole like grown up family kids stage of my life

that early on so I truly encourage you guys to figure out who you are what your

values are what you want from your life and find a person that will have the

same kind of values I didn't plan to marry someone that is much older than me

but you know life happens and I know that I wouldn't be able to go through

this journey with someone my age that's the journey that I chose for myself

so again there's really no right or wrong here I think one of the best

things about marrying older is that Gary comes with so much experience and wisdom

I think it really helps our relationship to grow and it really helps to maintain

the proper values and raise our kids properly so I'm really grateful for that

as the kids grow older my transformation as a mother I decided that I want to

lead by example I want to lead by showing the kids that I take care of

myself then I respect myself that I love myself I put time into myself so I share

everything with them I tell them that I go to the gym I tell them about things

that going on at work but like obviously the kids version you know I share a lot

of things with them and I love that they're interested in it you know when I

started doing YouTube seriously I started taking a lot of my time and I

started feeling really really bad about it

when Jake was stay-at-home mom I was doing you know I was with him all the

time with Ben I was going to school for nutrition but it was kind of part time

and I was doing modeling but you know it wasn't full-time either so I had a lot

of time to spend with him as well and right now I got to a point in my life

where I'm in the season of becoming and growing in the business aspect and I

decided that yes I have so much mom guilt but this can be a great example

for the kids to see you know how you create something how you build something

and be proud of it I stopped giving myself that guilt and we kind of looked

at what's going on in their lives that's where we decided to start hiring help

we always had a nanny because Gary and I decided from the get-go that we want to

make sure we have time for each other to keep enjoying life together and you also

have to remember that Gary is not a 30 a 30 year old dad he's a 45 year old dad

so that's different the patience is different you know having kids later in

life you already formed as a human and you have your ways and it's very

difficult to break those ways so that's something you know that I was aware of

when decided to have children with Gary as I

started focusing on my business and we started growing other businesses

together we decided to look at all these things that we have going on with the

schedule and with the kids and see where we can make it more efficient while not

losing touch with the children we found those pockets and that's where we

decided you know we are able to afford help so we're gonna get it that way we

can really have it all and focus on their business and enjoy our children

and enjoy each other and it's still freakin hard don't get me wrong like

even when you have help you are still a parent no one can discipline my kids

no one can organize their schedules and make sure that everything is going

smoothly with school and activities and all those things there's still quite a

bit going on I stopped making myself feel guilty and I've noticed that before

I used to always say but how did my mom do it how did my mom do it how does this

mom do it because there's some older women when they meet you in they're like

oh I did everything myself but times have changed I don't want to be

miserable I want to have a happy marriage I want to be selfish for the

stars and I want my kids to see all of that and enjoy the result of a mom that

is happy in her own skin and in her life that's kind of how I'm trying to build

this whole system and guys let me tell you it is so hard to keep this going

smoothly three kids husband and then still focusing on my work and enjoying

what I do and I'm not complaining by any means I feel so fortunate and so

grateful but it's hard and it's fine that it's hard because it makes me

better and faster and more efficient being a working mama even what help

means that I'm gonna suck in certain areas in my life and I think that that's

where prioritizing comes into the picture so I make sure that I prioritize

what's really important sometimes my kids will have to have pizza sometimes

it will have to be three times a week I don't beat myself up anymore about that

as long as my kids are smiling and and kind and developing properly we are

good to go Gian mentioned to me that we got a letter about registering a baby

and she reminded me that I haven't registered Max's birth so the kid was

like unknown until last night when I came home and you know applied for birth

certificate so you know priorities it's only been six weeks it's fine he'll be

recognized now as a citizen of Canada you can have it all but it has to be

prioritized properly I can honestly say that I'm still stressed out and I often

feel like a failure if it's at work or as a mother or in the Department of kind

of self-care balance is such a receiving word because we can never really find

that balance that balance changes every single day kind of embrace the chaos and

breathe really really deeply have a cup of coffee or tea or whatever makes you

feel good and just you know take it day by day and step by step I truly don't

think that there's a way to do things I think that some people can relate to me

because they have a similar personality to me so some people are really into you

know the working mom and doing all these things other women that decide to stay

at home and enjoy their kids and it's such an amazing thing being a

stay-at-home mom is an insane amount of work I've had the chance to experience

kind of all of them where when Jacob was more at home with Benna was like kind of

starting getting out there doing my own thing and then with Max I'm kind of in a

different place in my life so I've kind of had all these seasons of experiencing