with another episode of The Daily Distancing Show.

Thank you so much for tuning in.

It is now week three of being stuck in the house,

as you can tell, and I hope you are having a good weekend.

I hope you had a good weekend.

Although, let's be honest-- these days,

weekends, weekdays is pretty much the same thing.

Like, if you're stuck in the house every single day,

I-I don't know even know what the difference is.

I guess, during the week, you sit in one part of the chair,

and then on the weekend, you just move to a different spot.

Get this... work done.

Oh! Finally!

The week is over.

(sighs)

It's the weekend, baby!

Anyway, tonight, we're going to catch up

on all the latest coronavirus news.

Boris Johnson tests positive,

Jaboukie Young-White searches for a vaccine,

and a new career plan for the Tiger King.

Welcome to The Daily Social Distancing Show.

Let's do this.

ANNOUNCER: From Trevor's couch in New York City

to your couch somewhere in the world, this is

The Daily Social Distancing Show with Trevor Noah!

All right. Let's kick things off with the latest global update.

There are now over 700,000

confirmed coronavirus infections around the world,

with the United States now reporting

the highest number of cases,

while Italy and Spain are reporting

the highest fatalities per day.

And as the threat has grown,

more and more countries are starting

to take this thing more seriously.

For instance, the largest city in Africa,

Lagos, in Nigeria, is now in lockdown.

And in Russia, they've put Moscow in lockdown, as well.

And let me tell you something, my friends.

When Russians are scared of something,

then you know it's serious.

Russian people's daily lives

look like an episode of Fear Factor.

(with Russian accent): "What will I do today?

"Drink fermented bread juice or wrestle bear?

Either way, it's going to be a good Saturday."

So this is a very scary time to be in Russia.

I mean, second only to all the other times to be in Russia.

Meanwhile over in Great Britain, prime minister and

ghost-who-has-just-seen-a-ghost Boris Johnson

has announced that he has tested positive

for Covid-19, which is ironic.

You know why?

Because, earlier this month, Boris Johnson suggested

that Britain should just let the virus run its course

throughout the country, and then, on top of that,

he also joked about, he had been shaking hands all willy-nilly.

Yeah, so I guess now shit got real,

and he better pray

that he can get corona to Brexit out of his body.

Also, it's interesting to learn

that coronavirus doesn't just infect humans.

It can also infect Shreks.

But enough about Boris. Enough about Boris.

Let's move to the big story, the only story

that everybody's talking about right now-- Tiger King.

It's the new Netflix series

that is somehow even more viral than Covid-19.

And if you haven't watched this show,

I'm telling you now, you are wasting your life.

Seriously, as soon as you're done with this,

as soon as you're done watching The Daily Show,

go and watch Tiger King. You will thank me tomorrow.

It's the most fascinating show you've ever seen.

It exposes the horrible world of exotic animal breeding

in America-- specifically, like, tigers and lions--

and also, it answers the question,

what would happen if meth smoked itself?

And let me tell you something. After binging

all seven episodes this weekend,

I've realized a couple of things.

One: this is what happens

when white people have no black friends.

And two:

Joe Exotic is not only one of the weirdest people

you will ever meet in your life.

He could also be president of the United States.

I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. I can hear you.

"How can you say that president..."

(speaking gibberish)

But hear me out. Hear me out.

This man has all of the character traits

of a commander in chief.

Everything. Like, for instance,

one thing you notice about Joe Exotic is

that he makes everything about him.

"It's all about me!"

Which, apparently, is very presidential.

MAN: In his news conference yesterday,

the president discussed a story in the New York Times

that says his coronavirus task force briefings

get high TV ratings.

Even they said that the ratings are

like Monday Night Football ratings,

and that these are like Bachelor finale.

MAN 2: Now that the relief package has passed,

the Wall Street Journal is reporting this.

"Mr. Trump has told people he wants his signature to appear

"on the direct payment checks

that go out to many Americans in the coming weeks."

President Trump is firing back

at governors who have been critical

of the administration's response to the pandemic,

even telling the vice president

that if they aren't appreciative,

don't even bother reaching out.

I want them to be appreciative.

I say, "Mike, don't call the governor of Washington.

"You're wasting your time with him.

Don't call the woman in Michigan." Most...

It doesn't make any difference what happens.

If they don't treat you right, I don't call.

Wow. Okay.

Uh, firstly,

the ratings aren't high because of Trump.

People are watching TV because of the virus.

That's why they're watching the briefings.

This would be like the guy on Friends

who owns the coffee shop

taking credit for the success of the show.

"You know, it was all because of my lattes, you know.

That's why people watched."

No, you just happened to be there, dude.

Secondly, Trump wasn't even involved in the negotiations

for the relief package, and now, he wants the credit.

This is the classic deadbeat dad technique, yeah?

Just trying to put his name on a gift at the last minute.

And lastly, I can't believe that Trump is threatening,

actually threatening not to help governors

of certain states because he feels

that they're not being nice to him.

Let me tell you something.

A crisis is not a time for manners, all right?

People need to get lifesaving equipment.

Can you imagine a doctor in an emergency room being like,

"I'm sorry, ma'am. Your husband didn't make it.

"I mean, I could have saved him,

but he, uh, just didn't say the magic word."

"He was in a coma!"

"Yeah, manners are manners, ma'am."

So, being obsessed with yourself--

very presidential.

But also, if you watched Tiger King, you would know

that Joe Exotic is the most disorganized person

you will ever meet.

And when it comes to coronavirus,

Trump is exactly the same.

On Sunday, President Trump again

resisted invoking the Defense Production Act,

wartime authority to mobilize industries.

Call a person over in Venezuela.

Ask 'em, how did nationalization of their businesses work out.

Not too well.

After days of uncertainty, the president has now

actually invoked what's called "the Defense Production Act."

President Trump says that he is now considering

federally enforced quarantines

for hot spots like New York and other states.

WOMAN 2: President Trump tweeting overnight

that a federally-enforced quarantine of the region

"will not be necessary."

President Trump wants to reopen the country by Easter Sunday.

President Trump now calling

for more social distancing than ever,

firmly backing away from his earlier suggestion

that parts of the country could reopen by Easter.

Goddamn, man.

Trump is flip-flopping so much,

if the Olympics weren't cancelled,

he'd be competing against Simone Biles.

'Cause what was that? Huh?

And you know who this really sucks for,

is Donald Trump supporters.

I feel so sad for them.

Imagine how hard it is for them to keep up.

Trump is changing his mind all the time.

They have to support him no matter what he says.

Huh? They're just out there like,

"If you force companies to make things,

"you're turning America into Venezuela!

"What? Trump did it?

"It's a good thing to become Venezuela,

"'cause they've got great weather.

I-I think?"

Here's another reason I think Joe Exotic

has what it takes to be the President of the United States.

He sees conspiracies everywhere.

NEWSMAN: With medical equipment becoming scarce

at many hospitals, President Trump is now accusing hospitals

of hoarding ventilators.

TRUMP: I don't believe you need 40,000

or 30,000 ventilators.

You know, you go into major hospitals,

sometimes they'll have two ventilators,

and now all of a sudden they're saying,

"Can we order 30,000 ventilators?"

Yeah.

Trump has a good point.

All of a sudden--

all of a sudden?--

hospitals need way more ventilators than usual.

What's that about? Huh?

It's the same way I've noticed that sometimes...

people on the street have a lot of umbrellas,

and then sometimes...

nobody has an umbrella.

Something isn't adding up here.

Anyway, Joe Exotic.

Why is he the man for the job?

He's self-absorbed. He's disorganized.

He's obsessed with conspiracies.

But maybe the most presidential thing about Joe Exotic

is that he loves portraying himself

as an expert in his field.

When the truth is, he has no idea what he's talking about.

He's just winging it.

Which, uh, again, should feel very familiar.

The young people are really-- it's an incredible phenomenon--

but they are attacked, successfully attacked,

to a much lesser extent by this pandemic,

by this, uh, disease.

Um, this, uh, whatever they want to call it.

You can call it a germ, you can call it a flu,

you can call it a virus--

you know, you can call it many different names.

I'm not sure anybody even knows what it is.

(laughs): I'm sorry, what?

What-what the hell was that?

"You could call it a germ. You can call..."

It sounded like Trump was introducing somebody

who won a lifetime achievement award.

(like Trump): Some call him a germ.

Some call him a virus.

I just call him my good friend.

Ladies and gentlemen, Corona.

Come on up, Corona.

What a great guy.

Look, there are a lot of questions about coronavirus.

All right? How to stop it, how it spreads, et cetera.

But one thing that's not up for debate

is what it is.

It's a virus, okay?

I don't know why Trump is creating a mystery

where there is none.

Like, he might be a bad president,