you think all I do is sit around and talk to the Internet all day. That's not true!

I am tired, and I am having a beer, and I am making buttermilk biscuits.

All right, I am going to show you how it's done. I am just using the Joy of Cooking recipe,

and I have got flour, baking soda, baking salt, why I do keep doing that, baking powder,

and salt in my little sifter that my momma gave me. I have this in my life since I was

a wee baby. That's why it's all rusty and prairie dog looking. So I am gonna sift that

together. C'mon lumps, and then it says to add four to six tablespoons of butter. I am

going to use six because I like dying. I am going to show you a little trick so the thing

about biscuits is that you're supposed to like cut the butter into the flour so that

you end up with tiny little pieces of butter coated in flour and that's what makes them

light and fluffy like you don't want to melt the butter. So I have this butter frozen,

and I am gonna use my cheese grater and I am gonna just grate into my flour, and then

I end up with little pieces already.

All right, so whatever, I guess this is about five tablespoons, but I am tired of grating

butter. I am stopping because more than enjoying dying I enjoy cutting corners, so there we

go, five tablespoons of butter. Now I am going to use my fork and just kind of toss it around

to get my little butter shreds coated in flour. All right, so whoa! I am getting crazy up

in here with some buttermilk biscuits. All right, so I got my butter chunks, my butter

fragments evenly coated. Now I am going to get my little paws in there and sort of break

it up a little more. I don't want to melt the butter and my hands are hot baby, so I

am just going to use my fingertips and try not to mess with it too much. All right, so

I got my business happening. I got some little chunks of butter about the size of peas. I

am gonna make a little dip in the middle of my pile of flour and I am gonna put my buttermilk

in all at once, one thing or nothing.

Wait, I mean all or nothing, it's what I meant to say, okay. Here we go. All right, now I

am just going to mix it with a big spoon efficiently, and not too much, just enough to just get

sort of all the flour moist with the buttermilk, and sort of starting to come together into

a ball, and that's it. Now is where things start to get messy. Just get your little hands

in there, sort of get it formed into a ball, and then I am gonna throw it out on my board

which I am gonna flour first and roll it out cuttin' some biscuits. Set that aside, and

the reason you don't want to screw with it too much or get it real hot is because you

don't want gluten to form and gluten is a protein that's in the wheat that forms long

strands which is what makes bread chewy and delicious but is the enemy of light and flaky

biscuits and pie crust. Every last little bit of butter.

All right, that looks pretty good. And just delicately, delicately roll it out to about half an inch or so. Probably

should have a ruler. That looks good. All right, now I have a little biscuit cutter

and I am gonna start cutting out some biscuits. This is about two inches. You can do bigger

or smaller, whatevs, let's keep it easy guys. All right, and when you cut your biscuits,

you don't want to push and turn. You just want to push and give it a little shimmy because

when you turn it, all those little delicious flaky layers that you just created with your

butter and all that stuff get sort of twisted on the edges and it might not rise as much,

so just straight down, shake it to loosen it, and then we're going to put this on an

ungreased cookie sheet.

I am gonna make one last little funky shape, not quite big enough, all right, and with

the scraps you can re-roll them, but just keep in mind those biscuits are not going

to be as light and fluffy as the originals because that gluten will start to form and

they get a little tough, but that's okay because you have some people coming over that you

don't really like very much and give them those funky ass biscuits. I am not even gonna

roll it. I am just gonna mash it. It's how I do it with those people I don't like very

much coming over eatin' my biscuits.

All right, if I haven't said it already, I am gonna pop these babies in a 450 degree

oven for 12-15 minutes, oh snap! All right, my biscuits are done. Damn! Those look goods.

But I don't know what to do with all these biscuits! Biscuits are not supper!

FREAKZONE: Freakzone!

Cut, cut. I am sorry. I was drinking a little bit too much during that episode and sometimes

when I drink my little buddy Freakzone shows up but somehow he always knows right when

I am about to throw up. It's amazing. He's uncanny. Anyway, Freakzone showed up. He gets

a little out of control. He is an alcoholic and he's hard to handle and he's just like

pure sexual energy and so what happened after this, we shot it. We filmed it. I can't really

show it on the regular Internet because it's just, it's really too weird, so if you want

to see it, I am gonna tell you how you can see it. Go the website. There's this little

area where you can sign up for the newsletter. Sign up for the newsletter. This is only for

top secret people know how to do this, so you sign up for the newsletter, we send you

top secret information on how to login to th secret hidden area, a secret garden if

you will, on the website where you can see the episode and meet Freakzone for yourself

and get sexy with me and Freakzone!