Hi I'm Jessica and I'm disabled this video also

features Claudia my wife who is not disabled- so subscribe if you enjoy

lesbians of varying abilities

This is part 2 of the video "my wife is not an angel"

um... because we talked for a really long time but I think that it was quite

a useful conversation that we had and we discussed many topics so I decided to

make a part 2: that is the video you are watching right now.

You can watch part 1 by clicking the link in the description

down below or clicking in the card above

in this corner. We were answering questions from the members of the

Kellgren-Fozar Club about what it's like to be in an interabled relationship.

If you would like to become a member of the Kellgren-Fozard Club

and get access to a private secret extra monthly behind the scenes video

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And so on with the video:

Ah this is a really good question Lauren!

What are the positives about having a

disabled partner that you wouldn't have an abled partner?

First one is really obvious.

Is it?

You get to park everywhere!

Oh yeah! [laughs]

especially in Brighton, there is really limited parking

We have a disabled badge, it's great!

Yes that's good, you get to drive places door-to-door

There's loads of disabled bays. As sort of a confident introvert

you know sometimes I like to socialize but sometimes I don't I can just use

Jessica as an excuse to usually just like back away. I'll be like:

'Oh she's very tired now'

It doesn't usually work because Jessica's like such an

extrovert even though she is tired she pushes through it.

I'm exhausted and I keep talking

She's like: 'Shut up!'

Picking her up from under the table like:

You are really tired now, we need to go! And she's like: 'blah blah'

A positive and a negative.

I mean it is a positive of my disabilities, it is a negative of my personality.

Oh airports are really good, because we get to go through special assistance.

Special assistance at airports.

Avoid the queue. Yeah it's great!

You get to go to the front of the line because I can't stand up for very long.

Basically the benefits that you get from being a disabled

person, the abled person who kind of jumps on that wagon. Yeah....

And also there is the obvious thing like I've probably been educated

in chronic illness and disabilities like hidden disabilities and being more aware

of people around me now of all ages whether they are classed as disabled

whether they're just struggling that maybe I wouldn't have been so aware of

in the past. Which is really helpful to your jobs

since you deal with the general public all the time. Yeah.

And I think generally I'd like to think it has

made me you know not an angel but a better human being.

All right Martha says:

I hope your neck is more tolerable now yes thank you it is I sprained my neck

was great and then a whole shoulder dislocation thing. It was fun.

Do you ever feel like

you want to protect Claudia or maintain some kind of normality in denial maybe

by pretending something isn't as bad as it is and how do you deal with those

feelings if you have them? I completely do that all the time and some of its

conscious and some of it isn't. I don't always tell you when I'm in pain.

Sometimes that's unconscious because I'm like: boring.

and sometimes it is a

conscious thing where I'm like: okay you know you've got your stress of the day

had a problem at work you want to just unload I'll just wait for you to get to

the end of the story and then I'll be like: [crying] great story

I'm in crippling pain can you help?

Yeah, I do tell you to tell me more but also

at the same time I know that I'm quite difficult that I'm like: 'yeah but like

it's about me right now.'

[both laugh]

I think it just comes down to personality.

And sometimes I, like there's nothing you she can do.

I respond to Jessica's needs with anger because I can't do anything to make it

better. I don't know. Yeah you're just angry at the world.

Disabled people or ill people or people who struggle with the mental illness

there is an element of of course you want to protect those we love from

knowing actually how it feels and how much it can really really suck sometimes.

I think it's difficult to portray to someone unless they have had first-hand

experience sometimes the way it really feels.

I think for me...

personally the best way would be when we're having a nice time like we're both

in a good mood and you're not in pain currently we're just having a good

day like we're out for dinner or like out having a lovely walk and then you

approach the subject of telling me what it feels like when you're in loads of

pain and when I come home and I moan because then it's not like nagging me

it's like: 'I'm just gonna tell you a little life story'

Just so you know!

And then I'm like hmm

I will take that on board but I don't feel like I'm being put into a situation

that I can't have any control over right now and then I feel frustrated and angry.

So then well I rather she told me another time so then I'm like 'okay well

next time I come home I'll try and be more aware that Jessica might have had a

bad day or is in pain'. Wow okay well we've got the topic for our first dinner

out of the house after lockdown!

Elisa wants to know: I'd like

to know how you dealt with the fact that people were talk to Claudia instead of

you when they were talking about you?

Yeah yeah they talk to the people who

are with me rather than talking to me.

[whispering] Yeah that's really weird...

If someone talks to me about Jessica I just kind of like look at Jessica like

I'm just like 'why are you talking to me!'

Deflecting onto Jessica who is like 'oh thank you so much'

You know, whatever.

Or if they ask the sign language interpreter like 'oh does she want to do this?'

You can ask her yourself.

Yeah so, I think it's the

responsibility of the person who's being spoken to to correct them politely to

actually you address Jessica. Yeah it is an irritating feeling but you do

It is about training the people around you I suppose, sometimes though it's actually

helpful if they talk to you instead of me. It's this weird thing I found when we

go to the doctor if Claudia is there and she's able to talk about my pain or talk

about a difficulty that I've been having they listened to her more than they

listen to me. I find that quite often people will listen to the able-bodied

person in the room.

I don't think it's about just being able-bodied in this situation

I think it's just because you sometimes you look quite ridiculous

for someone who doesn't know you. You've just walked in you've got like a

bow in your hair or a tiara, you've got like a mock fur jacket on.

I don't know what you are talking about.

And you're like 'oh helloo'.

When I first met you I thought you were

a bit of a joke to be honest.

[slowmo] bit of a joke.

Sorry.

I remember I asked you on our second or third date: are you actually, is this...

Are you actually like this all the time?

But like, I just wanna know you! Like YOU!

And she was like: this is ME!

I was like really? You don't have other levels or...

I guess when I go in and I'm wearing like a polo neck or like you know

I sit in there very stir and choke out some medical sounding words

occasionally, whereas you... and I dont like people!

So I'm like sitting in the chari...

[laughing] You don' t like people!

hmm hmm and will this be helpful for her?

Whereas you are like:

'Oh thank you so much okay doctor whatever you say'

Yeah I do look a bit silly

I do realise, I am aware that I look different but I found right that

disabled people are some of the most interesting dressers. I think partly it

is a defense mechanism, because if you look at me and I look like this and I'm

just woo swaying from side to side

you kind of just think it's part of the thing but if I dress

like everyone else and then you saw me walking along, you'd be like

Jesus, is she alright?

Like, no...

It hides things this look.

And when I'm like: 'aha, aha'

That's cause you can't hear!

I don't know what the hell you are saying!

But people let me get away with it.

Kinda leads into the next question of like your personality and your aesthetic

combined of your disabilities with how you manage situations and this person says:

This by Audrey says: my husband suffers from migraines sometimes we

can't cancel my I have to attend events or family get-together us without him

how did you explain to people that no he can't just take tylenol and no he isn't

trying to get out of coming?

So I'm kind of lucky in the situation that my family

are medical background so they appreciate how debilitating a migraine

can be and I just kind of said it very much like say: she's got a migraine. like end

End of.

Fight me.

Yeah and I think when they have asked:

Oh you know. Again?

No, they never question that she would want to miss a coming

because again, that goes with your personality because you're such an

extrovert and you like social gatherings everyone knows if they know Jessica that

she wouldn't not come unless she couldn't.

I would never miss a party.

yeah so that you know

for me is quite then easy to explain our situation. Sure that's true I have my own

worries about it sometimes. Less with your family because they are medical but

when it's like other friends and you have to cancel on them you were at first

with my family before they place friends from before you were like 'oh but they

probably they don't understand'. We've been married for three and a half years

so your family are my family so I I know that they have a willingness for me

But definitely to start with and with friends that I hadn't really met and

spent time really I was like: they're gonna think I'm ridiculous. Yeah.

That's an interesting one. This is from Angela: I follow another interabled

couple and they seem to get a lot of comments about how the non-disabled

partner must have a fetish for disability, does Claudia ever received

the opposite of 'You are an angel comments?'

I don't really look at the comments.

[both laugh] So I wouldn't know.

And Clara is really good at moderating them like she gets rid of anything that might upset us.

So who knows!

That was my answer.

That's fair.

I've never seen comments or had anyone messaged me. I mean I never knew

it was even a thing until we had a conversation with some friends about

how it is. Oh yeah when I did the Hannah Witton round table!

And everyone was like:

Oh my goodness some people are really into that.

There is like a name for it. Isn't there?

There is but I have memory loss.

For both of you:

Is this relationship the first interabled relationship that either of you have had?

Did either of you have doubts about being an interabled couple

as your relationship grew? Selfish question, have you grown tired of my

long-winded comments? A moment of levity haha

unless you have in which case I apologise"

Never Richard, never.

I would say this was my first interabled relationship.

Um for me yes and no?

because I think as a disabled person I'd

have pretty small dating pool if I only dated disabled people.

I had one girlfriend before Claudia but we were young and it was long distance in

that we saw each other every other weekend.

it was more that we message each other on whatsapp a lot but yeah that was an

inter abled relationship and definitely I downplayed a lot about the pain that I

was in and what I could and couldn't do and because I saw her rarely I would

hide what was happening and then spent the rest of the week really paying for