I hope, okay. - Ooh. (laughs)

(upbeat music)

- Hey, I'm Jake.

- Hey, I'm Emily.

- And we've taught preschool before.

(Emily laughs) and man, is it wild.

- Hi, I'm Keeley, I am a current preschool teacher.

- I'm Stephanie, I used to be one.

Being a preschool teacher is great.

(Keeley laughs)

- I love teaching preschool,

but it does come with its crazy moments.

- So many diapers.

- So, oh so many diapers. - So many diapers.

- It's a roller coaster. (laughs)

- And you know what else is a roller coaster?

Playing never have I ever.

- I haven't played this since middle school.

Let's go. - (laughs) Let's do it.

- Never have I ever been called mommy or daddy

(Jake laughs) by a student.

- Definitely have. (Stephanie laughs)

- Definitely.

- And they're so embarrassed, right?

- Yeah. - They're like, mommy!

(Keeley laughs)

- Yeah. - Oh, yeah.

- It's weird. - Totally.

- It's real weird.

- I got Mister Daddy.

- Or I get the ones that don't realize it at first,

and so they'll just be like, Mommy?

Mommy?

Mommy?

- Yeah, it happened to me when real mom

was in the room, so. - Oh.

- It's uncomfortable.

It leads to a good conversation.

(Jake laughs)

- Never have I ever been given a cute gift by a student.

Yeah.

- I totally have. - Always.

- Yeah. - It's the best part.

- It can be anything.

- Yeah. (laughs)

- A piece of cardboard.

- Truly! - You're like, oh my God!

- I mean five-year-olds.

So, like the drawings are not art, but they're art.

- When I had my like, goodbye celebration after I moved

from being a full-time teacher to a substitute,

they had like a whole, like,

little celebration for me.

And they all brought flowers.

- I directed the theater show with the kids,

and they gave me a director's chair with my name on it.

- Oh. - Way too much.

Very sweet, but way too much. (Emily laughs)

- Never have I ever had to stop kids

from doing something naughty.

You mean 24 hours a day? - Of course I have.

What kind of question is that? - Even when I'm not at work?

(Keeley laughs)

- Yeah. - So many things. (laughs)

- I mean, what's the naughtiest?

- Naughty isn't really a word we use in childcare.

We don't say bad.

Those generalizations aren't welcome.

- The enrichment center, LOL-- - Yeah. (laughs)

- That I worked at was very much

about like, making positive statements whenever possible.

- So if a kid's like, biting another kid,

- You're like, no thank you!

- Yes. - No, thank you!

- One boy I was teaching, at one point,

was hosting a penis contest (Emily laughs)

in the boy's room.

Had to shut that down!

- Never have I ever had to try to explain

something substantial to a child because they asked.

- Oh boy. - Oh, I have.

- Oh boy.

- I would say, no.

No. - You're lucky.

- There was this book, and we were reading it

and at one point it was like,

"And then, like sometimes people die."

(Keeley laughs) And then literally--

- Yeah, yeah.

- The kid was like, "What does that mean?

"When someone dies?"

And I was like, this is the moment--

- Yes! (Keeley laughs)

- I've been dreading.

- I had a student who thought the kiss of a wedding

was what produced a baby.

(Jake laughs)

And he saw a kiss that was not within a marriage,

and I tried to get around it.

I tried to just say, like it doesn't happen then.

Never have I ever had to clean up pee, poo, or vomit.

- Oh, yeah. I've definitely had to clean up.

- Who hasn't? - Yeah.

- Every day. - Every day.

- Every single day.

- Many, many times a minute. - Yeah, yeah. (laughs)

- Can I add an addendum to this one?

You ever been vomited on?

- Oh, totally.

Yeah. - Yeah.

- I've been vomited on.

- I think I can honestly say I've cleaned up pee,

poop, and vomit in the last week.

All, like, yeah.

- That's-- - That's a great feeling!

- Some real teacher (beep).

- They choose you. (sighs)

Never have I ever had a favorite child in class.

- Ha ha!

- Oh, oh.

- Hmmmm, I think-- - That's a lie.

- I've had so many favorites

and I tried really hard not to let them know it,

but they always knew.

- Yeah, I think I'm gonna say I haven't.

Just because like, they all have something like,

something unique to offer.

Like, if I'm like, this kid--

- What a teacher. (Keeley laughs)

- I have for sure had a favorite.

(Jake laughs) And it may or may not

have to do with what their parents get you for Christmas.

- Whoa.

Never have I ever had to tell a parent

their child had misbehaved in school.

Yeah. - Yeah.

- Yeah, I've had to tell them.

- If your kid misbehaves, I am telling you, immediately!

- I've had to write some emails, and it's like, you know.

- The penis competition?

- Well, that was definitely-- - Was that emailed?

- A big one.

- We have to make sure we're very sensitive

with those things.

So the parents don't get like, scared

or feel like they're being judged.

'Cause I think that's one thing

that parents are really, - Yeah.

- Really scared about. (laughs)

- You use kid gloves with the adults.

- Never have I ever been asked out by a parent.

- I mean, I wish. (laughs)

- No, but like I said, mine are much older than me.

- Sadly, I'm kidding. - No.

I'm grateful, truly.

- Isn't that the rom-com fantasy,

That we were all thinking of-- - Sleepless in Seattle, right?

- When we became preschool teachers? (laughs)

Never have I ever experienced a child

say something inappropriate.

- Oh, totally. - So much!

- Oh, yeah.

(Keeley and Stephanie laughing)

- They say things that are just so hilarious sometimes.

- Yeah, I think a kid's favorite thing to do

is to tell you when you don't look good that day.

- Oh, yeah.

- Lots of cursing.

Kids repeat everything. - Oh, yeah, totally.

- So if you don't want your kid to say,

- Chode.

- Chode! (laughs)

Don't say it around them!

- Butt(bleep), like all of those.

- Never have I ever been yelled at by a parent.

Ooh, Moment of pride, I have not.

Diffused that fuse. - I haven't been yelled at.

I've felt cornered a little bit by parents.

- Totally have been yelled at by a parent.

- Sorry. - I've been yelled at

by a parent in a classroom.

I've been yelled at by a parent through a group text.

- That's 'cause they're theater parents.

- Yeah, yeah, they're theater parents.

- Never have I ever been made fun of

by a child in class. - (laughing) Yeah.

- Refer to our previous question.

- I was told that I yell a lot, but it was like,

(Emily laughs) I exaggerate, you know.

I get into it, I get animated, I get excited about it.

And one kid told me just to take it down a notch.

(Jake and Emily laughing)

Said I was at an 11 and if he could be getting me

at a five, that would be great.

- That's good numbers though.

- It was really good numbers. - That's good numbers usage.

Yeah. - Yeah.

- Never have I ever been friends with a student's family.

I have not.

- Like, yeah, me neither.

- I have, actually, yeah.

- I have not.

- No? - Yeah.

I've been like, acquaintance-y.

But I've had a boundary thing with that.

- That's like, very frowned upon.

- Yeah.

- At least at the place I worked. It's very, like not okay.

- And I technically was friends with this family

before I got the job at the school I got.

And before their oldest student started going.

- In sum, being a preschool teacher

is grueling, rewarding--- - Nuts!

- Hilarious. - It's crazy!

- Nuts. - Nuts.

- Nuts. - Bananas.

- We do a lot. - Yeah.

- In our day, with so many kids,

so many other teachers, so many parents.

- I think a preschool teacher is a hard job

but someone's gotta do it. - Yeah.

- But totally worth it, if you choose it.

- It's totally worth it. - Totally worth it.

- Well, with preschool, what you see is what you get.

- Yeah. - And we help, you know,

(Emily laughs) Start kids off

as who they are, and, you know.

- So hopefully this was enlightening.

- Yes. - But not too terrifying.

- We hope we're not freaking anybody out

from ever having kids or teaching preschool.

- We are just a subset of the population.

- But we tell the truth.

- (laughing) Oh, ho, ho, ho. - Ohhh.

(upbeat music)