kept busy for many hours. Oh! I  heard this great story. I think  

you might like it it's about  a king, a bishop and a baker.

Now, in this story, the king  is King John so it's around  

the time Magna Carta and he had  a reputation for being cruel.

King John was on his travels and as he  always did when he was on his travels,  

he took with him his pride and joy,  his pack of hunting hounds. But he  

was suddenly called away on business so  he left his pack of hounds in the care  

of the local bishop. Now, this bishop  was a vain and a proud man and very  

very greedy, but a man who would never  do anybody a favour unless it served  

his own interests. So when King John's  servants delivered the hounds, well, the  

bishop had them put into a kennels and  then forgot about them. So a couple of  

months later when the king returned and  sent his servants to collect his dogs,  

you can imagine, their fur was mangey  and matted and the dogs were thin from  

being underfed and underexercised.  Well when the king saw them he was  

furious. He sent immediately for the  bishop and he didn't waste his words.

My Lord Bishop, I entrusted you with  my treasure and you have treated them  

worse than if they had been put  into hell. I'm going to have you  

placed in the loneliest castle  in my kingdom, in the deepest,  

darkest dungeon, and we'll see how  you do without food for a month!

Well, when the bishop heard this  he fell to his knees and begged for  

mercy but the king was having none of  it. Until one of the king's advisors,  

a wise old knight, suggested it  might be a good idea to find a  

more profitable and amusing  way to punish the bishop. King  

John thought for a moment, then he  smiled. He'd had one of his ideas.

My Lord Bishop, said King John,  

I understand that you are a man  of great wit and intelligence. I  

will offer you a challenge. I will  set you three questions to answer.  

If you answer them to my satisfaction  then you will go free. If you fail me,  

I will take possession of everything you  own. Now, I am a fair man so I will give  

you tonight to find out the answers  to these questions, do you agree?

Well, the bishop had no choice so  he agreed. He thought to himself,  

I am a clever man so if the king  does ask me questions I can always  

go and look in my library of books  to find the answer to any puzzle or  

riddle. The king called the bishop  forward and whispered the questions  

in his ear. When the bishop heard  the questions his face grew pale,  

his knees started to knock and tears  ran down his face. So we are agreed,  

said King John. I look forward  to seeing you in the morning.

The bishop went back to his rooms. He  was crying his eyes out, his servants  

didn't know what to do until one of  them stepped forward and asked him  

what the matter was and he explained the  situation. The servant looked thoughtful  

and said, My Lord Bishop, I think I  might have an idea to get you off the  

hook. The bishop asked him what it was.  He said, well, there is in your palace,  

in the bakehouse, a baker, a man who  many people have remarked could well  

be your twin brother for he is the  same as you in his build, in his face,  

why even his voice and his mannerisms  are the same. People are often confused,  

they call him My Lord Bishop thinking  they have just walked past you! What  

if you got him to dress in your robes  and to go before the king and answer  

the questions? You could make good your  escape and that fellow could take your  

punishment. The bishop wasn't sure,  so the servant sent for this fellow,  

this baker. When he arrived, it was  incredible. He looked the absolute  

spit of the bishop. The bishop thought  he was looking in a mirror. He got the  

baker to exchange clothes with him  so that he was dressed in the baker's  

apron and the baker was dressed in  his robes. Now you couldn't tell them  

apart! The bishop began to think the  plan might just work. My fine fellow,  

the bishop said to the baker, the  reason I have called you here and  

we have exchanged our clothes is that I  have a jest for you to take part in. The  

king and I, as you know he is staying  here, we have a contest between us,  

a challenge, and we set each other three  questions a day. Tomorrow if it my turn  

but unfortunately I've been called away  on very very important church business.  

I was wondering if you would take my  place and answer the king's questions.

The baker was a kind-hearted fellow but  he wasn't a fool. What are the questions  

My Lord Bishop? he said. Oh they are  very very easy said the bishop. If  

you agree, I will tell you. The baker  thought to himself for a moment. A purse  

of gold! Very well, my Lord Bishop, I  agree. Tell me the questions. Well the  

bishop, they're very very easy. I will  advise you tomorrow morning, stand in  

the shadows so he doesn't see you  clearly, and as to the questions they  

are very very straightforward. One: How  much water is there in the kingdom of  

England? Two: How far is it to Heaven?  Three: What, to the nearest penny,  

is the king worth? There you are, now I  really must be on my way. And with that  

the bishop left. Hmm, thought the baker  to himself, tricky. I'll sleep on it.

Next morning, the baker got up  bright and early and dressed in  

the bishop's clothes and made his  way to the king's chamber. The king  

was waiting for him. Ah my Lord  Bishop he said, do come forward,  

which the baker did but he was  very careful to make sure that  

he stood just beside a column so that  there was a shadow thrown over him.

Good morning, my Lord Bishop, said King  John. I trust you slept well? Thank you,  

My Lord King. So... the matter  of the questions, said King John,  

a cruel smile on his face. Number one,  how much water is there in my kingdom of  

England? The baker looked puzzled for  a moment. Well my Lord King, he said,  

I suppose you think this would be a  tricky matter to settle but actually  

I measured it quite easily because  last night for once in this kingdom  

there was no rain. I had to calculate  the amount of water that ran down the  

rivers and into the sea but I balanced  that with the amount of water in the  

morning dew and I calculate the amount  of water in your kingdom of England  

to be one hundred and six million,  six hundred and fourteen thousand,  

eight hundred and fifteen cupfuls. And  with that, he produced a cup. The King  

looked perturbed for a moment. That's a  very precise calculation my Lord Bishop,  

he said. Ah well, the Bishop  said, I measured it myself.

King John looked suspicious. But how  do I know that you're right? An easy  

matter, my Lord King. I will happily  give you this cup and you can take  

yourself out tonight and measure for  yourself. Well the king knew he was  

being played. But it was only the first  question. Very well my Lord Bishop,  

he said, I will give you that one. But  now the second question. My Lord Bishop,  

how far is it to Heaven? The bishop  said, my Lord King, with this answer  

I had a piece of luck. Last night  one of the bakers here in my palace,  

a kind honest fellow more suited to be  a saint than a baker, fell ill and died,  

and I went to say a prayer for him.  Now when I started to speak the words,  

miraculously he suddenly leapt  up, he came back to life. His  

eyes opened and I immediately  asked him a question. I said,  

what have you seen? My Lord Bishop, he  said, I have been to Heaven. How far  

away was it, I said? My Lord Bishop,  he said, it was two hundred miles.  

Is it two hundred miles for everybody I  asked him? Oh no no no said the fellow,  

some people had made a longer journey  than me and some people joined me as I  

walked. Their journey was far shorter.  Your journey depends on how many good  

deeds you have done. Yes, said the king,  tell me more! Well my Lord King said the  

baker, with that the poor fellow died  and he did not revive. So I am afraid  

the only answer I can give you my lord  king is that the distance to heaven is  

down to the individual and it depends  on what good deeds you do in this life.

Hmm, thought the king, well logical I  suppose. I will give you that question.  

But the third I will not be so generous  for I know my own value. My Lord Bishop,  

what am I worth? The bishop looked  at the King. My Lord King, he said,  

I know that you are a man of wealth.  You have gold, you have silver,  

you have jewels, you have furs, you  have silks. So this was a difficult  

thing to calculate. But I have  an answer for you. My Lord King,  

I calculate your worth to be twenty-nine  pence. How dare you! Twenty-nine pence?!  

That's less than two and a half  shillings! That's less than the  

cost of the shoes on my feet! You have  just talked your way, my Lord Bishop,  

into a dungeon! My Lord King, said the  baker, please. I calculate your value  

and your worth like this. As you will  know, in the Bible, when Judas Iscariot  

betrayed Jesus, he was given a purse of  coins: thirty silver coins was the price  

of his betrayal. My Lord King, I honour  you at one silver coin less than God.

Well, the king rubbed his nose and  thought for a moment and then he started  

to laugh. Ha ha ha! This bishop, I had  heard that he was proud and haughty,  

and yet I talk to him now and find him  to be the wittiest and wisest man in my  

kingdom! My Lord Bishop, come forward,  you have won! Well, the baker forgot  

himself. He did just that: he stepped  forward out of the shadow of the column  

and into the light. King John stared  at him. You are not the bishop. So,  

my fine fellow, tell me who you are and  tell me what is going on or you will  

find yourself thrown into a dungeon from  which you will never emerge. Speak now.

The baker knew the game was up. So he  fell upon his knees before King John  

and told him the whole story of how the  bishop had summoned him and dressed him  

in his robes, told him the questions  and how he'd gone away and thought of  

answers thinking that the whole  thing was just for the king's  

amusement. King John looked at him.  You are by far the wisest, wittiest,  

most honest man in my kingdom. What  to do with you? From this day forth,  

you will continue to wear the robes  that you now wear and you will be  

a bishop. The bishop, when he is  apprehended, will be brought back  

here to his palace where he shall be put  to work baking bread in the kitchens.

So that, my friend, is how  a baker became a bishop.

Right, I've got to get back to work.  So have you! I'll talk to you soon...