*Record scratch*

Woah woah, see that guy right there??

Looks like he's hit rock bottom..... Well that guy's actually me

believe it or not. Now I bet you're wondering how I got in this wacky situation. It all started in the summer of 86'-

My name is PewDiePie. I am one of the smartestest intellectuals on this planet.

My IQ is at least five...

~ Thousand.

Oh don't believe me, huh?

I've watched at least, at least three and a half episodes of Rick and Morty

The pregnant edition

One time I thought about reading HALF book

And my favorite hobby of all time is beating my own meat

I mean, reading philosophy

While beating my me-

My fellow intellectuals

Yes I am talking about you, although you're not just quite as brilliant as me

We have gathered here today to celebrate

some of the finest intellectuals on the planet, some of the smartest people, some of the people that just

puts humanity to the top, to the top.

Here we have "how many presidents from United State an average U.S. citizen know?"

"I am from Europe and I know...."

"25 of them!"

AH SO SMART

"I have had I.R.L. sex many times when you are 6'2,

Strongly backed, and have an IQ of 181 it is

difficult to live the tradlife, even though I- even though I-"

*cracks*

"Even though I wish I did sometimes"

Sometimes I wish I would live down here with you normie peasants, just so I could have an average life, because I am just

having so many of the sexes

"Just downvote, there is no way you can win a debate against me."

AH

You feel the power of this brain?

POWERING UP 50000%

*More intelligent brain messages(intense)*

60000%

ieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeweeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

DOWNVOOOOOOOOTEE

MAX POWER

There is no way you can win against meeeeeee *crab claws*

(Whoa whoa, see that guy right there?)

(Looks like he's hit rock-bottom.)

"Wha- what is 'wat'?" nani?

"not a real 'word' "

I can't read

"Not a real word, as far as I'm able to recognize..."

"Is it the same as 'u'?"

instead of proper

'you'?

"A form of Orwellian newspeak like internet slang DEGENERATES use?!?"

AAAAh the t-

The horrible dystopia we live in where people use shortage of 'you'

Into the letter U!

What is next? If people are gonna say they're chilling and relaxing,

they're gonna start saying 'chillaxin'?(voice crack) Woah.., we truly live in a nightmarish world.

"Are you ever about to drop a sarcastic comment, but then you decide against it?"

*WOKE SIGH*

"Because they're small brains won't understand your elite humor?" Yes.

Yes!

Preach,*clap clap* this is me all the time when I make jokes for YouTube

*monetizing PTSD ensues*

"I'm sorry. I don't know who Skrillex is. I was busy listening to Bach"

"Chopin"

"Tchaikovsky and other various"

"classical artists, that I forgot to go bumbling through YouTube to look for whatever that is."

"Sidenote: Skrillex seriously just sounds like a bunch of random"

"computer-generated annoying noises to me. I'll stick to my piano and violin, tah."

Tah

Ta ta, my brain too complex for your Skrillex *p-tah* Debbie Greta (David Guetta) you can s- lick my...

bayonetta.

*laughing*

*cough cough*

Oh yeah? Well you still look like a chipmunk

*Top 10 Roasts of All Time*

Boom

No, wait

[Beep] Oh yeah? Well you you look like a wombat(epic roast)

Who- who's- who's the smart one now?(you are pewdiepie)

"Nigerian grad student uses magnets to prove gay marriage is wrong."(absolute mad lad)

You know what, I had my suspicions it was all about the magnets

I- you know, I told my friend the other day actually you know what? I bet

There is a correlation between the magnets and the gay marriage being wrong

I just don't have time to look into that study right now as I am busy(with what? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) your favorite hobby)

As I am busy on my other many

""various pro- projects""

*cough cough, gargle, spit*

"People mock the Bible because of things like"

"Unicorns. Now science says they're real and no one mocks, huh?"

"Do some research if you don't understand what I said"

"You're nowhere near my level"

If you don't understand the incoherent babbling that I'm spewing then you're not intellectual enough

[squeaky voice] "Don't even bother me if you're not on my IQ level"

Then don't even speak to me or anyone I know

Rice gum, yeah! *laughing*

"Me: See you later alligator. Her: why alligator?"

"Me: Alligators can live up to 100 years, which is why there's an increased chance that they will

see you later"

(Incredible power AAAAAAAAAAAH)

*driest chuckle ever put down*

Oh my god, I can't believe Rice gum is an intellectual just like myself. I always thought this guy was just an idiot

Wow

*more dry chuckles*

How wrong, how wrong I was, my pardon, Mr Rice gum. You are correct, your thesis about the

Alligators, of course, how could we have been so blind?

Woah, what the fuck? What is this?

Well, this, this is a PewDiePie video-

*coughing intensifies*

"He has risen beyond the mental capacity of an average person"

"You speak so formally, it annoys me"

"Once again, I apologize, I suppose you simply cannot comprehend the intellect with which I speak"

"Now this is not a down play on your end but

simply shows I have written far beyond the mental capacity of- of the average human"

I feel like that could have just been a troll comment. I don't know...(rethinks his life choices)

~ Or an actual intellectual, which of course everyone that watch my channel is, of course ~

~ It's a real comment ~

"You know what? Being a history nerd it's a bit of a killjoy"

"Because a lot of things stop being funny, for example"

"I can't even watch Pocahontas anymore without gritting my teeth"

"And it's sad because it's an awesome movie."

Knowing the history about Pih- Pocahontas doesn't mean you're a history nerd

"Where are all those women hiding?"

"I never met a female that could be even half of my mental ability"

"The vast majority of them are average intelligence, at best!" At best!

"Which is"

"absolutely stupid as F! compared to me."

"I could seriously drink 30 shots of vodka and still be far more

mentally.. capable."

Why have I not found a woman?!(other than the low intelligent waman known as Marzia)

Ah, my stupid brain

Why do I have to be so smart?

Stopping me from getting all these pussy

"Happy new year!"

"Thanks,

"but I don't celebrate New Years. People like me are cognizant of the passing of time on a daily, if not a

continuous basis. Hence, I have no need for such a holiday."

I feel like this is you Brad? *Laughter*

*coughing*

Come on

Brad doesn't celebrate his birthday or anything like that, and any time I write him, he wrote- he writes exactly that response

It's true

Yes

Mah man

Neil deGrasse Tyson

A true intellectual

"Sometimes I wonder if we'd have flying cars by now, had civilization spent a little less brain energy

contemplating football"

*Intelligent messages to Neil deGrasse Tyson*

I don't like sports

*Unable to detect message because of my low intelligence*

You don't need your brain for sports

*That sound Waluigi makes*

We could have flying cars by now

* Brain Message to NASA*

I'm about to transform any minute

*Super Sayian attempt*

Coughing and Weezing

*SUPER SAYIAN ACHIEVED*

(His intellect was too high, and he transcended to a higher level of existence)