And sometimes, even a good-natured soul may become its unknowing pawn.

(BOOMSTICK) Oh, did you say something?

I couldn't hear you over GIANT FIGHTING ROBOTS!

Seriously, what's cooler than giant robots? Absolutely nothing!

(WIZ) The White Tigerzord, the sixth Thunderzord...

(BOOMSTICK) ...and Epyon, the sixth Gundam! He's Wiz, and I'm Boomstick!

(WIZ) And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win...a DEATH BATTLE.

(WIZ) Behold the Thunderzords, mighty bestial vehicles with "a power and a force like you've never seen before".

(BOOMSTICK) Unless you live in Japan, then that $#*!'s everywhere.

(WIZ) The Thunderzords are piloted by the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers,

five overbearing and over-emotional humans.

(BOOMSTICK) Teenagers...

(WIZ) For over a year, these five heroes defended the Earth from the evil Rita Repulsa and her cronies.

(BOOMSTICK) But when her boss, Lord Zedd, showed up and started beating some serious Ranger @*$,

the team knew they needed some help.

(WIZ) Thus, a giant floating head in a tube and his robot buddy set to work building a new Ranger with a new 'Zord.

(ZORDON) I present to you...the White Ranger.

(TOMMY) Tigerzord!

(BOOMSTICK) The White Tigerzord is a gigantic, weaponized robo-kitty.

While cats are clearly inferior to dogs, I might make an exception for this one and take it home.

(WIZ) Well, considering after it transforms to Warrior Mode, the Tigerzord weighs 150 tons and stands nearly 15 floors tall,

I don't think you'll find one in a pet shop window.

(BOOMSTICK) AND it's a Transformer? Awesome!

♪ 'Cause I am the one you should fear the most... ♪

(WIZ) The White Tigerzord is powered by the "White Light of Goodness"

...as is its pilot, the heroic leader of the team: Tommy Oliver, the White Ranger.

♪ And as long as I exist, there's hope for the world... ♫

(BOOMSTICK) He wasn't always in charge, though.

His original powers came from the screeching, migraine-ridden she-witch, Rita.

Naturally, it was a trick and those powers came packaged with a curse that turned him evil.

(WIZ) Luckily, Rita doesn't logic much, so the Rangers reversed the spell by destroying a completely unrelated object.

(BOOMSTICK) Tommy wields Saba, a talking sabre that shoots lasers and remote-controls the Tigerzord.

(TOMMY) Hey! I thought you knew what you were doing!

(SABA) I do.

(TOMMY) Yeah? You sure could have fooled me!

(WIZ) And is also...uniquely multilingual.

(SABA) That's right, none of you speaks bird. Now take me over to the cages.

Um, squawk squawk, tweet, squawk, tweet?

(BOOMSTICK) Everyone that just watched that is now dumber. Our bad.

(WIZ) In battle, the Tigerzord's tail doubles as a Golden Tiger Sword.

(BOOMSTICK) ...Which can light itself on fire, I assume, by sparking a robo-fart of some sort.

See, Wiz? I can science, too!

Anyway, the Tigerzord knocks foes off their feet with sonic blasts, temporarily increases agility with hyper-speed,

and shoots fireballs from its chest/mouth thing.

(TOMMY) White Tiger Thunderball, armed and ready!

(WIZ) The Tigerzord's greatest asset, however, is its ability to mimic the movements of its pilot.

So it's important to determine how superhuman the White Ranger is, but he doesn't have many measureable feats.

Fortunately, all Ranger powers are derived from the same Morphing Grid, a galaxy-spanning energy field which balances all life.

(BOOMSTICK) So... the Force?

(WIZ) Yeah, pretty much. This means, all Rangers have comparable powers that we can use to measure Tommy's potential.

(BOOMSTICK) S.P.D. Green Ranger Bridge Carson once lifted and threw a two-ton car at this poor girl, who he guessed was a demon.

Luckily, he was right, and a PR catastrophe was avoided.

(WIZ) The average man can squat lift about 125 lb., so this feat makes Power Rangers at least 32 times stronger.

(SABA) Oh, that was most impressive.

(WIZ) And we know Rangers also receive a speed boost, so it's reasonable to believe

that a morphed Ranger's reaction speed is in the ballpark of 32 times faster than the average person.

Thus, the White Ranger can actually react to attacks in about 6 milliseconds.

To compare, in the same given time, a bullet fired from a gun will have only traveled about nine feet.

As the Tigerzord mimicks the White Ranger in real time, it must be capable of the same speeds.

(BOOMSTICK) I bet he can totally do that knife-finger-stabby game. Actually, uh, Wiz, put your hand on the table.

(WIZ) NO! Not after last time! That poor intern...

(BOOMSTICK) I told him not to move!

(WIZ) Anyway, like that intern, the Tigerzord can't always cut it on its own.

(BOOMSTICK) When that happens, Tommy's friends usually come in to save his @*$.

But even though they won't be able to help him today, Tommy can still call upon his secret weapon.

(WIZ) Each Power Ranger has his or her individual Zord, which only they can pilot.

However, there HAVE been numerous instances when a Ranger has called upon other Zords.

So, Tommy can call upon the Lion, Griffin, Unicorn, and Phoenix Thunderzords to create the Mega Tigerzord.

♪ GO GO POWER RANGERS ♪

♪ YOU MIGHTY MORPHIN POWER RANGERS ♫

(BOOMSTICK) The Mega Tigerzord is a massive monster of a mech; it's got an energy shield, an energy ball attack, and a wicked drop kick.

Oh, and its finishing move is literally lighting a giant robo-bird on fire, and shooting it through everyone in its path.

Obviously, the Mega Tigerzord has never lost a match.

(WIZ) The Mega Tigerzord is so powerful, it's even had that finisher move reflected back at it, survived, and all it did was fall over and look surprised.

(BOOMSTICK) But it's not all firebirds and rainbows. Enough damage can overload the Tigerzord's connection to the Morphing Grid and annihilate it.

But don't get me wrong: This is one butt-kicking, Mighty Morphin', firebirding, flame-swording power kitty. Meow.

(TOMMY) Saba, are you ready, pal?

(SABA) White Ranger, I'm ready when you are.

(TOMMY) All right! Tigerzord, power up!

(WIZ) In the year 195 A.C.--yes, A.C.--Earth and its space colonies were on the brink of Civil War.

Chaos had erupted. Governments shattered from within.

The only constant were five freedom-fighting mobile suits called GUNDAMs.

(BOOMSTICK) Piloted by a bunch of kids who have no idea how to have fun. Seriously, get laid or something!

(WIZ) Intrigued, the disgraced commander Trieze Kushrenada set about creating his own GUNDAM.

(BOOMSTICK) For sex?

(WIZ) No, for Zechs.

(BOOMSTICK) This is getting really confusing...

(WIZ) Try and keep up.

Trieze hoped this new, NON-SEXUAL fighting machine would finally answer the meaning of life and death.

(BOOMSTICK) AND birth!

(WIZ) NO!!!

(TRIEZE) I have a guide here that will show you how to live from now on.

(WIZ) And so, the Gundam Epyon was born.

(HEERO YUI) Do you think you've built a god or something?

(TRIEZE) Maybe I do.

(BOOMSTICK) Epyon is a fierce force of metal and badassery. Like all GUNDAMs, it's armored with... Gundanium.

(WIZ) Yet another stupidly-named fictional metal that happens to be many times stronger and lighter than Titanium.

(BOOMSTICK) Standing 57 feet tall and weighing just under 10 tons, Epyon is actually quite a bit smaller than your average Japanese giant robot.

(WIZ) But for what it lacks in size, Epyon compensates with incredible speed.

With a max propulsion of nearly 200,000 lbs., Epyon can fly over 250 miles per hour.

(BOOMSTICK) But manning a GUNDAM at that speed is rough, and can kill a pilot who hasn't been trained.

(WIZ) Epyon's pilot is the legendary warrior and Trieze's closest friend, Zechs Marquise, the Lightning Count.

Commander of the OZ Special Forces, valedictorian of a prestigious military academy, and sole pilot of the unstable GUNDAM Prototype.

(BOOMSTICK) How does the Wizard of Oz come into this now? Anime seriously confuses me.

Well, regardless, Zechs is a true warrior.

(ZECHS) I am a true soldier.

(BOOMSTICK) Oh, look, an echo!

(WIZ) Despite this, he could not handle the politics of war. After Trieze staged a coup which spiraled out of control,

Zechs stumbled through the ensuing chaos like a lost pup, always ending up fighting for the wrong cause by complete accident. Whoops...

(ZECHS) I don't understand! Why am I still so...spineless?!

(BOOMSTICK) Oh, I have an awesome giant GUNDAM that everyone needs to do awesome stuff! Poor me...

(WIZ) But...PLOT TWIST! Zechs has been hiding a secret identity.

He is, in fact, Milliardo Peacecraft, the long-lost heir to the throne of the pacifist Sanc Kingdom. Yes, the Peacecrafts literally craft peace.

(BOOMSTICK) At first, the only one who knew Zechs' true identity was his slap-happy admirer, Noin.

You'd think a cheerful girlfriend who doesn't have blood on her hands would help Zechs lighten up a bit, but...

(ZECHS) Don't go getting too attached, or parting will hurt.

(NOIN) But my soldiers aren't ever going to be killed in battle.

(BOOMSTICK) Damn, he won't be hitting that for awhile...

(WIZ) Despite being a backstabbing, coup-staging terrorist, Trieze Kushrenada apparently has some high sense of honor.

And this is reflected in Epyon's arsenal.

(BOOMSTICK) Aside from two tiny vulcan guns, Epyon was designed as a dueling suit and lacks effective long-range weaponry.

But that's OK, 'cause check out this sword!

The beam sword is connected directly to Epyon's power source, which means its size and power can be increased on the fly.

Epyon also has a durable shield which houses a chain whip, called the Heat Rod, that can be super-heated to slice through armor.

(WIZ) But its greatest and most risky weapon is its on-board computer, the "Epyon System," a modified Zoning and Emotional Range Omitted System.

This directly links with the pilot's brain and aids him by constantly predicting outcomes and strategies in mid-battle.

And unlike other ZERO Systems, this modified version shows Zechs his opponent's face as he is murdering them.

(BOOMSTICK) Oh, that's right--for the nightmares.

(WIZ) It gets worse. The Epyon System relies on Zechs ignoring all distractions, including his own drive to win.

It predicts every possible outcome of the battle at hand and shares them with him.

These include the outcomes where he loses, which take the forms of hallucinations. If Zechs can't separate fact from fiction, these hallucinations may become reality.

(BOOMSTICK) But despite the danger, it's totally worth getting into Epyon's pilot seat, because this giant robot is a born winner.

It's capable of holding off four other GUNDAMs at once, survived the heart of an exploding space station,

and destroyed ANOTHER giant space station with a single, awesome sword slice. Ha ha! GUNDAM power, AWAY!!!

(WIZ) Of course, Epyon does have its fair share of weaknesses, and, even though Zechs eventually overcame his turn to the dark side,

nearly sacrificing his life for the greater good in the process, he never did quite become that perfect soldier he always wanted to be.

(BOOMSTICK) But, good news: He did eventually get in Noin's pants. Worth it!

(ZECHS) Just watch me--I'm going to live right to the bitter end! I'll live the hard life of a warrior!

(WIZ) All right, the combatants are set! Let's end this debate once and for all!

(BOOMSTICK) It's time for a DEATH BATTLE...robo-style!

(TOMMY) All right, Saba! Time for our weekly test run!

(SABA) Excellent. Let's test the weapon systems.

(TOMMY) Just make sure the safety systems are on.

(SABA) Safety systems activated. Um, that will...probably dissipate, right?

(ZECHS) *Sigh...*

(NOIN) Zechs? What are you doing down there?

(ZECHS) Hmph. Hello, Noin. Just brooding over how I nearly destroyed the Earth...

(NOIN) That, again?! You've gotta lighten up, you grump!

(ZECHS) *Sigh...*

(NOIN) Well, how about we do that thing you're always asking about? You know, the one that rhymes with your name?

(ZECHS) What? Really?

(NOIN) Of course! I think it's finally time--(DEATH SCREAM!)

(ZECHS) Noin!? NOOO!!!

(SABA) Eventually...

(TOMMY) Heh. I think I'll drive.

(SABA) WARNING! Bogey approaching fast--200 meters!

(TOMMY) Must be one of Zedd's.

(SABA) Zero meters!

(TOMMY) Huh?!

(ZECHS) I'LL BREAK YOUR FACE!!!

(TOMMY) Is it just me, or do Zedd's goons keep getting smaller and angrier?

(ZECHS) Hyaaaaaah!

(TOMMY) Whoa! He's quick for a little guy...

(SABA) Stop messing around and start defending!

(TOMMY) Right, time for action! White Tiger, Sonic Boom!

All right. Saba, I want the Tigerzord to follow my every move!

(ZECHS) You may be skilled, but you're too slow for Epyon!

(TOMMY) How's this? Hyper-speed!

(ZECHS) Aagh!

(TOMMY) Time to stamp out some evil!

Heh. What, are you playing hard to get? All right then, go long! White Tiger Thunderball...FIRE!!!

(ZECHS) The Epyon System indicates that you've shown your full arsenal.

(TOMMY) Haah...FIRE!!!

Ugh...

(ZECHS) You're finished!

Ah? W--What?

What's that?!

(DEATH SCREAM!)

(SABA) Quick, Tommy! The circle on his chest--it must be a weak spot!

(TOMMY) Right!

♪ White Ranger Tiger Power...White Ranger-- ♫

(ZECHS) Hmph. Don't get cocky.

(TOMMY) What? He didn't explode?!

(SABA) Well, this defies all logic...

(TOMMY) Wh-whoa... We're grounded...

(SABA) Tommy, call the Zords!

(TOMMY) You've got it! I need Thunderzord Power NOW!!!

(ZECHS) Oh, $#*!...

(ZECHS) No, not like this!

(ZECHS) Here it comes...

♪ I feel your love reflection... ♪

(ZECHS) Routing all power to thrusters...

...and now, to the beam saber!

For...NOOOOOIN!!!