Idiot 1: Sir you gotta come quick, the adult actor Lord Blackwood...

He's disappeared!

Holmes: What effect?

Idiot 2: He's called Blackwood because he's hung like a horse.

Holmes: Most engaging... (sexually)

Watson: I'll leave this in your capable hands.

Idiot 1: I'm not even sure [you] could get your hands around it sir, It's that big!

Holmes: Have the new specs caught wind of it yet?

Idiot 2: No, we're keeping it quiet; It would cause havoc if people knew it was gone.

I mean normal Blackwood porn?

Holmes: Certainly...

What's the major concern?

Idiot 1: We fear he might use his limb to kill people you know like?

Holmes: Indeed...

Watson: (puzzled) You're not taking this [seriously] are you Holmes?

Idiot 1: (imitates dick whacking) Whack him like... on the face.

Idiot 1: (faintly) Whack him like... Holmes: Yes...as you should.

Idiot 1: (faintly) Whack him like... Watson: (sigh of disbelief)

Idiot 1: whack him... whack. Holmes: It's a matter of professional integrity.

Narrator: They must hunt down Blackwood before it's too late.

Idiot 2: The witness states he was beaten to death with a sloppy blunt object.

Watson: Well? Idiot 2: A penis sir. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

(Crows cawing in the distance)

Groundskeeper: I know what I saw, it was Blackwood.

Idiot 1: And so it starts...

Idiot 1: The penis matters...

Narrator: The clues are clear

(sexual moan)

Idiot 1: Definitely tastes like black wood all right.

Idiot 2: How do you know?

Idiot 1: Well, we're comparing it to this sample gap from his last shoot.

Idiot 1: Tastes exactly the same.

(chase music)

Narrator: They managed to track him down.

Host: Behold! Lord Blackwood.

(Crowd chatter and disbelief)

Lord Blackwood: You seem surprised? (menacingly)

Idiot 1: well..yes. I've never seen any of your films right, so I thought you might be like black or something...

Idiot 2: What's your plan? keep on killing people with that thing of yours?

Lord Blackwood: I will use that as a weapon; To control them (pause)

and then the world.

Idiot 1: Which is dick?

Idiot 1: Isn't that a tiny bit disillusional?

Lord Blackwood: (shouting) For the twelfth chime, I will summon the dark powers

Idiot 2: Who the fuck is gonna jam it down our throats?

(crowd roars in anger)

Holmes: All powerful in the world will be choking on death.

Narrator: This Christmas...

it's action and mystery as Sherlock Holmes discovers the true secret of Lord...

Blackwood.

Holmes: It was never any magic...

only conjuring tricks.

Idiot 1: Yes...

It seems he used the pipe of a vacuum cleaner.

Idiot 1: Like this, to fake a large penis.

(Blackwood grunts)

Narrator: "Sherlock Holmes"

"and the case"

"of the missing porn star"

"Cumming Soon"

Idiot 2: How would you hung Sherlock?

Like a big man?

Sherlock: A midget...

Idiot 2: Oh..Sorry. (Awkard)

(The End :3)