and she was in a really tricky situation.

而她的處境非常棘手。

Her and her boyfriend of three years have basically just broken up.

她和交往三年的男友基本上就這樣分手了。

Now, they live in the same flat together

現在，他們住在同一個組織、部門

and they've got five months left on the contract.

他們已經得到了5個月左合同。

So not only are they going to have to share the flat

所以他們不僅要分擔組織、部門的工作

for another five months, but because it's a one bed flat,

再過五個月，但因為是一個單人床組織、部門。

they're going to have to share the same bed.

他們將不得不共享一張床。

Can you even imagine how difficult that must be?

你能想象這有多難嗎？

I remember helping one couple in particular whose communication

我記得我曾幫助過一對夫婦，他們的溝通

had become so toxic, that they could no longer hear and understand

變得如此毒辣，以至於他們再也聽不進、聽不懂了

what the other was asking.

對方問的是什麼。

All they heard were their worst fears.

他們聽到的都是他們最擔心的事情。

Let's face it, breaking up is never easy.

面對現實吧，分手從來都不是一件容易的事。

But when you're in a situation that forces you to get on with an ex,

但是，當你處於一個迫使你和前男友相處的情況下。

it can be a really difficult divide to cross.

這可能是一個非常難以跨越的鴻溝。

People fall madly in love and in my experience,

人們瘋狂地愛上了，以我的經驗。

they fall madly out of love as well.

他們也瘋狂地失戀了。

You might find yourself in a tricky situation

你可能會發現自己處於一個棘手的局面

if you live in the same halls as your ex at university

如果你住在同一個宿舍，你的前夫在大學裡。

or you go to a party or a wedding of a mutual friend

或者你去參加聚會或共同朋友的婚禮。

or you happen to work together.

或者你們正好一起工作。

Often the people I help share children and assets.

我所幫助的人常常分享孩子和資產。

And although you may not like them at the moment,

雖然你現在可能不喜歡他們。

your ex is likely to be your best possible resource

你的前任很可能是你最好的資源。

to help you look after your children

幫助你照顧你的孩子

and create the life that you want for yourself.

併為自己創造想要的生活。

A messy breakup means that you need to find creative ways

混亂的分手意味著你需要找到創造性的方法

to cross the divide.

以跨越鴻溝。

I know it's not always possible

我知道不一定能做到

but really try to give one another proper space after the breakup.

但分手後真的要試著給彼此適當的空間。

Ideally commit to going around six months to one year of no contact,

最好承諾半年到一年左右不聯繫。

just so that you give yourselves the chance to get each other

只是為了給你們自己一個機會，讓你們互相瞭解對方

out of your systems.

出你的系統。

Take advice from all sources -

聽取所有來源的建議----

Accountants, tax advisors, benefit officers -

會計師、稅務顧問、福利幹事----------。

whatever is going to help you the most.

不管是什麼，都會對你有最大的幫助。

If you have an area that you're afraid of,

如果你有一個你害怕的領域。

if you're afraid of finances... get help.

如果你害怕財務... ... 得到幫助。

Don't ignore it or stick your head in the sand and hope it will go away,

不要忽視它或把頭伸進沙子裡，希望它能消失。

it won't.

它不會。

Embrace it and grow.

擁抱它，成長。

When you do see your ex in a social situation,

當你在社交場合看到你的前任時。

go out of your way to take the high road, however difficult that may be.

不惜一切代價，走好自己的路，無論多麼困難。

Say hello, be graceful, be mature.

問好，要優雅，要成熟。

So I was in a situation like this myself a few years ago.

所以幾年前我自己也遇到過這樣的情況。

I had been asked to do a speech at a festival

我曾被要求在一個節日裡做一個演講。

about a book that I'd written, now this book was mainly

關於我寫的一本書，現在這本書主要是。

about a really painful breakup that I'd had with an ex.

關於一個非常痛苦的分手 我有一個前。

And my new boyfriend of a year had come to watch me do this talk.

而我新交了一年的男朋友也來看我做這個演講。

And as the workshop started,

而隨著研討會的開始。

in walks my ex, from the book, with his new girlfriend.

走在我的前，從書中， 與他的新女友。

And look, this could have been such an awkward situation

你看，這可能是這樣一個尷尬的局面。

for my new boyfriend, but as soon as the workshop was over,

為我的新男友，但當研討會一結束。

he went right up to my ex, introduced himself

他徑直走到我前妻面前，自我介紹說

and they ended up really, really getting on.

他們最後真的，真的得到上。

So much so, that he has very recently asked my ex

以至於他最近問我的前妻... ...

to be an usher at our wedding next year.

明年在我們的婚禮上做司儀。

Get in touch with the new you and who you want to be.

與全新的你和你想成為的人取得聯繫。

Think about where you might want to be in a year's time.

想一想一年後你可能想去哪裡。

Be curious about those options, think about your wider context.

對這些選擇要有好奇心，想想你的大環境。

Get back in touch with your passions, your friends

與你的激情、你的朋友重新建立聯繫。

and the person that you may have compromised in the relationship.

和你可能在這段關係中妥協的人。

Focus on the future and the person you want to be,

專注於未來和你想成為的人。

rather than the painful events that may have taken place.

而不是可能發生的痛苦事件。

Whatever you do, do not put your mutual friends

無論你做什麼，不要把你的共同朋友

in an awkward position by making them choose between you and your ex

讓他們在你和你的前男友之間做出選擇，從而使他們處於尷尬的境地。

or talking really negatively about your ex behind their back.

或者在背後說你前男友的壞話。

Trust me, this does not put you in a good light.

相信我，這不會給你帶來好的印象。

Mentalise and empathise with your ex-partner's needs

對你前伴侶的需求進行心理疏導和同情

and try to be objective.

並儘量做到客觀。

It takes a great deal of emotional effort

這需要大量的感情投入

to see your ex through that lens.

通過這個鏡頭來看待你的前男友。

But remember you did love them once,

但請記住，你確實曾經愛過他們。

and you did see their positive attributes.

而你確實看到了他們的積極屬性。

They still have them, you just can't see them right now.

他們還有，只是現在看不到了。

Thanks for watching! :)

謝謝你的觀看!:)

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如果你喜歡這個視頻點擊喜歡和訂閱!

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點擊鈴鐺接收新視頻的通知。很快就會看到你