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  • Hello?

  • Do you like scary movies?

  • No, I'm more of a romantic comedy type person goodbye forever

  • There are certain rules that one must abide by in order to successfully survive a horror movie

  • Rule number one, have parents that care about you.

  • Mom. Dad. Can I go to a party?

  • I mean spend the night at a friend's house tonight?

  • Stupid child, you're not leaving this house.

  • There's a masked murderer on the loose.

  • You never let me do anything

  • Rule number two, don't date crazy a-holes.

  • Come on Syd,

  • I know someone just tried to kill you at all

  • But why won't you do it with me?

  • Because Billy I'm not a slut that just puts out all the time.

  • So...

  • You're saying you're not like your mom?

  • What?!

  • nothing? stabbed stabby stab?

  • rule number three,

  • If you are being attacked inside a house that is filled with people who are your friends

  • you should call out for their help

  • Help me!

  • I trapped in the garage with a killer!

  • Hey you,

  • Help me!

  • I trapped upstairs with a killer!

  • What? Let's get in.

  • Someone help me I'm trapped at school with the killer

  • Oh, men

  • Rule number four, if friends aren't available do more than just run.

  • If you knock the killer off his feet because he's running with ridiculous costume with terrible visibility

  • You have the upper hand don't keep running away

  • Take that sucker out,

  • kick him in the throat,

  • do something the dude is going to kill you

  • Whaaat?!

  • Rule number five, don't live where the police and investigative reporters are terrible at their jobs

  • Let's never ever ever ever ever break up ever ever ever ever

  • Which brings me to rule number six,

  • nine one one and star 69.

  • I have a question.

  • Yeah you in the hat

  • What do you do if the killer attacks you inside your dreams?

  • Well, that's something entirely different if that happens.

  • You're just...Oh, no

  • Oh, yes

  • RUN! Everybody Run!

  • Forget the rules, all you can do is RUN

  • You're mine now

  • We still gonna murder those treatments until it's time for us to murder each other

  • You said it

  • Hey guys, check out weird note tape

  • What you like a sponsor no, no, it's just this weird to these rocks we passed don't look or it takes you

  • Well, that's weird.

  • What do you think?

  • -It means... -It's approach to trick someone try to play on...Oh My Gosh

  • What is that?

  • Let's get out of here!

  • -What is that? -I don't know

  • We lost Marlowe

  • What's that?

  • Guys,

  • Hello?

  • Something really weird happened

  • Where are you you fall creep?

  • Come on, Ahhh!

  • I just wanted to hunt other children

  • Ladies and gentlemen,

  • I give you the victor of the 74th annual Hunger Games

  • Katniss Everdeen

  • What? Already? I made it?

  • Yeah! Alright!

  • This trial, I win!

  • What the...? What the heck just happened?

  • Oh, sorry, I forgot to tell you Slenderman gets you even if you win the game

  • dude

  • Sorry

  • HaHaHaHa

  • Slender games

  • No...!

  • Hiya, Georgie

  • Oh, nuts

  • Everline

  • What?

  • Over here, Everline

  • Who's at there?

  • Well, what's going on down here

  • Would you want to come down to find out?

  • Nope!

  • Come on, don't you wanna like take a

  • Turn it off!

  • I can't

  • Turn it off!

  • This is freaking me out!

  • Stop!!!

  • I got it.

  • That was a close one.

  • Magic, remember?

  • All right losers it's got Beverly trapped in this house

  • No, I know your first instinct is to stay here and let me go in all by myself

  • But what did I tell you?

  • Everyone sticks together

  • -That's right, we all stick together. Is everyone ready? -Ready.

  • I'm serious

  • Now I don't want to turn around and see you guys wandering off by yourselves

  • Everyone sticks together to fight the crazy shape-shifting clowns. Right?

  • -Right. -Let's do this.

  • I said we all stick together

  • Take him, I'll take all of you

  • Now feast on your flesh.

  • Yes, I feed on your fear.

  • So you like fear, huh?

  • -Then you're gonna love me. -Oh

  • no you

  • Batman? You are real?

  • I believe he's real

  • I'm real as you used thought

  • Maybe that's it

  • Quick, because there's something else that could help

  • Ninja Turtles

  • Haha, turtle powers!

  • I Hate Turtles

  • King Kong!

  • This gonna getting worse

  • not by our calculations

  • Well...

  • Step back kids, we'll catch him

  • We wouldn't want you to come back in 27 years and kill more people now that's for sure, right ha ha

  • all right kids, that'll be

  • $5,000

  • If you just leave us be now take him

  • You know what this is dumb I'll just take all of you right now

  • That was easy

  • We can just do that earlier

  • Congratulations

  • You are still alive

  • But before you go, I want to play another another game.

  • Another game?

  • I want to play monopoly.

  • What?

  • No, what about Scrabble?

  • Roboto do you like boggle?

  • I wanna go home

  • Forget boggle.

  • What about some Hungry Hungry Hippos?

  • Let me out of here

  • Okay, okay fine,

  • but let me ask you something else

  • How do you feel about sequence?

  • lots and lots of sequels

  • Whoa, whoa, what are you doing?

  • This this is crazy.

  • I'm sorry. I have to shoot you to save my family

  • No, you don't

  • Maybe something's changed.

  • Maybe your wife broke free and is trying to call you on the phone right now

  • Oh

  • Phone?

  • Yes, remember the phone the phone you made bury the lever to reach before you con your own foot off.

  • Oh, that's right

  • Where is the phone?

  • It's not even there anymore.

  • It just disappeared.

  • It makes this scene

  • What happened to the phone?

  • How is this happening?

  • I have no idea!

  • This entire scenario is completely implausible.

  • I know, I was asleep underwater earlier

  • How am I not passed out from shock?

  • Who is responsible for all of this?

  • He's not dead.He's not dead.

  • You are not dead.

  • You're not dead.

  • Game Over

  • Well now he's dead

  • hey, that guy's my cancer patient

  • Nurse

  • Mm-hmm. You ain't Brad.

  • I need to know what happened

  • Tell me what's going on out there

  • Oh Lord, we got zombies can't you tell?

  • zombies

  • You mean like The Walking Dead?

  • Mm-hmm. Well, these don't walk so much as run or eat human flesh

  • But they are zombies

  • I guess

  • and they are tearing up the place

  • At least his armies are living alone

  • Everyone's sick in these hospitals.

  • We got enough problems to deal with in here.

  • Wait

  • What do you mean?

  • They're leaving sick people alone?

  • What do you think? I meant when I said they're leaving sick people alone

  • I need to use the phone. Do phones still work here?

  • Of course they do, baby

  • Whoa, so people who are sick or not being attacked

  • Mm-hmm, there should be like thousands of examples in America alone

  • Hmm. Okay. Thanks Rick

  • Okay, we figured it out false alarm Jerry

  • We do not need you anymore

  • So, all right good all non-essential personnel on to the chopper to be shipped back home

  • Where's Carville how did you get off the helicopter?

  • They offered you this city

  • And you refused it

  • -Are you our daddy? -We love you daddy

  • Don't touch that is still put your seatbelt on okay?

  • You're going to a pony farm by yourself

  • because I'm not your daddy

  • Bye!

  • I'm not your dad

  • Awesome

  • It sucks

  • Okay Katie, it's time to go I packed the car. Come on. Let's go. Let's just get out of here

  • Let's leave right now. Come on. It's time to go.

  • I think it's better if we stay

  • What? What are you talking about?

  • Come on, this is insane. Let's get out of here

  • Okay

  • Did you just speak in two voices at once no, yes you did. Oh my gosh, are you smiling?

  • Okay. Well you are clearly

  • Possessed and that is just way too much baggage for me to deal with so I'm out. All right

  • Okay. Goodbye forever

  • Did you see this?

  • Honey is literally floating

  • Oh my gosh, this footage is so revealing, uh

  • Stephanie we didn't look at for

  • -What are we gonna do? -I need to make a phone call

  • Channels that thing into another family member

  • I know

  • So I hate to do this but

  • -We're gonna have to break up -What?

  • Why?

  • Well your daughters like to hang out with this Toby demon that picks them up by the hair and throws them around

  • I also scratched my friend

  • I just I just I I just

  • Don't feel like this is gonna end well for me look we can all just go move in with my witch mom and her witch

  • Friends, there's even a twin bed we can share

  • Moving with your witch mom and demon befriending daughters when we've only been together a few months.

  • Yeah. That sounds great

  • I'll start packing up right now, OK?

  • Your imaginary friend maybe who's another man

  • Well, I'm not living in this place anymore

  • -The door swings both ways we could reverse the particle flow through the gate -How?

  • We'll cross the streams

  • Excuse me, Egon you said crossing the streams was bad.

  • Not necessarily. There's definitely a very slim chance we'll survive

  • -How slim -I don't know

  • -Slim -You said our molecules would explode at the speed of light.

  • It's a little beyond slim, Egon

  • Stop that.

  • Fine. We'll see the cross the streams or die by Ray's marshmallow man.

  • I love this plan. I'm excited to be a part of it. Let's do it

  • And then all the Ghostbusters died

  • Apparently crossing the streams is very bad

  • back to you Chuck

  • Are you god?

  • Yes, oh

  • Okay, that's good, uh-huh well

  • We're all gods here

  • Come on down and we'll introduce you to everyone what a relief

  • I thought I was the only one left. You know, I've been living in this crazy

  • Hit the trap! Do it! Hit the trap!

  • Well, that was surprisingly easy, yeah good thing I said, yes

  • Anyone else hungry for marshmallows?

  • Oh, no. This means to me

  • Okay, you're kind of scaring me so I'm just gonna knock you out with this door Xena fell along with me and

  • Yeah, what kind of a point boy

  • You're hit. You're bleeding, man.

  • -I ain't got time to bleed. -Oh

  • Really? okay. Well tell that to the bleeding hole in your arm

  • Come on

  • No, leave it he didn't kill you because you were unarmed

  • There's no sport in it

  • Wait, if that thing's killing us cuz we're all armed and what the heck we're carrying all these guns for?

  • That is an excellent question

  • Quick! Everybody throw down your weapons

  • Oh

  • -No thx -Yeah, you keep it

  • Get to the chopper

  • You guys made it. You're safe now

  • You idiots,

  • Get off weapons on this chopper

  • Don't believe oh my god, I'm sorry. Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so

  • Sorry, I can't believe both of you dropped the cameras. I didn't mean to this is just great. Both cameras are broken

  • I can't look I can't even stop rolling this one. That was the last shot of the movie

  • Do you know what kind of budget we have for this film?

  • None, we can't replace the camera. Now. It's movies ruined. We were so close gah

  • Maybe you shouldn't have us carrying the cameras in the first place.

  • We're not camera crew, you know, we're actors

  • actors, huh?

  • Oh, you could have fooled me

  • All you were supposed to do is come down the stairs and show the scary witch right here to the right see right here

  • scary witch rah

  • It's only what the people have been waiting for this whole movie and now they can't see it

  • Why? Because you broke our equipment on the last shot of the day

  • I said, I'm sorry. It's dark down here

  • -I can't see -Yeah man.

  • And these steps are all old and dusty.

  • That's it. I don't care this movie sucks

  • You're both fired. Get out of here.

  • Hey, I'm directing this movie,

  • -Don't I get a say in this? -Shut up!

  • How you like that?

  • What is all this stuff some kind of secreted resin

  • Nobody touch nothing

  • Hey, maybe it's a precious unobtainable mineral that's gonna save the earth from an energy crisis

  • Thing I've ever heard

  • What do you call it up your taenia?

  • Okay, looks like we've escaped let's just assume everything is safe and step outside

  • Wait a second

  • This feels very familiar

  • If there's anything I've learned, it's that these things like to hide on the escape craft right at the end

  • How about we scan for movement before we just walk out of it? Yep. It's hiding in the landing gear.

  • Oh

  • Good call, who knows what could happen?

  • You're mostly dead now nicely

  • And there's the acid for blood.

  • Oh these things let's grab Hicks and get out here

  • Why would you do this reckless

  • I don't know.I'm sorry

  • Wesker you were behind all of this

  • You're just like all the other things here a slave to umbrella smart girl

  • I've always been with umbrella you son of the things you mentioned or nothing

  • behold

  • the ultimate life-form

  • Sir I don't know how to put this but

  • We couldn't finalize the t-virus project ding. It's Phillips. Why the heck not?

  • I'm in the middle of a monologue here.

  • We're simply over budgets sir

  • These are tough times and quite frankly. We've had to tighten the lab coat

  • I mean between the plant monster and the giant snake and the Sharks

  • Did we really need the zombie sharks?

  • Great. Whites aren't cheap.

  • Okay Wesker. No

  • Guys, please. Just give me a second.

  • Okay?

  • What about independent financing?

  • Hollywood loves zombies.

  • Right, they do

  • And some hotshot director named Anderson is interested in acquiring the rights to your life story

  • Paul Thomas Anderson? I love his work.

  • No...

  • Paul

  • WS Anderson

  • Mortal Kombat

  • Noooo

  • She'll use it use it

  • Use it!

  • Think we've saved the world enough for one day

  • Chris, I've always felt

  • I know

  • I'm just a lonely zombie

  • I'm just don't know in this hallway

  • We should I could eat some brains so break

  • I'm just too lonely though me

  • To still

  • me

  • Oh

  • Somebody tell me where are

  • Rage are they things of this way?

  • Just lonely sound

  • Okay, so we are

  • scientists and we believe we have been

  • invited to this planet to meet our creators

  • because of these cave drawings we found

  • You guys seen these movies?

  • They'll blow your mind

  • Oops. I mean I'm probably dead by now pay no attention to the old man asleep on the other side

  • of the ship

  • What the...

  • Okay, I know this is amazing, but we are professionals

  • So let's be extra careful

  • So that we can get all of the answers

  • Rose buds...

  • How did we get lost?

  • Didn't you bring the map equipment?

  • Oh my gosh, I forgot my maps

  • Haha, you're so stupid.

  • An alien winger snake

  • It's so beautifull

  • Uh, you put your finger on that drink

  • I'm not drinking that.

  • No way.

  • The claws!

  • David, make sure you do not say anything offensive to the engineer when he wakes

  • Of course, father.

  • Da moneh ma in a mortal terror boy far(This men slept with your wife)

  • (And your mother thinks Alien VS Predator is awesome)

  • Oh dear.

  • You guys are the worst team of scientists in the world

  • Why we even want to run into the shadow of this falling ship

  • I have no idea!

  • Well, hallelujah boys its rainin clowns in here

  • What is this?

  • Where am I?

  • Easier, clown man, you're friends

  • welcome to my villainous abode

  • What can I get you

  • You have any children flesh, nice to be human fear

  • We have some children of the corn

  • No, thank you,

  • Like ribbons? Yeah, lots of those.

  • No. It's just not the same

  • Why so glum my clown face Joan

  • You look like you got beaten up by a bunch of kids with baseball bats.

  • I did

  • Actually turns out kids are really violent.

  • Oh, I'm afraid children can be very evil

  • Isn't that right Damien?

  • -Urg Damien, -I don't understand what happened

  • I had all the kids scared and right where I wanted them

  • But then suddenly they were all great even completely stronger than me.

  • Why weren't they scared of you anymore?

  • I thought kids were terrified of Clawns.

  • I have no idea. I did my scary dance and everything

  • To do with it. That didn't scare you

  • I must be losing my touch.

  • Have you tried attacking them in their sleep?

  • Why if I not to be way easier ?

  • Then more of a daytime scare kind of guy?

  • Have you tried scary dolls? Dolls always work.

  • Well and until your personality gets too campy, then it starts to wear off

  • I build a whole room with brown dollars for this one kid

  • Puffed out and I was all gonna be big Ritchie.

  • -Have you wait him? -No, I just let him run away

  • Oh, come on

  • I don't know whether I should laugh or cry

  • Why are you even talking to the kid?

  • Because they taste better when they're scared

  • Sometimes not saying anything is so much more terrifying. Isn't that right, Michael?

  • And isn't that right Jason

  • Do you see what I mean?

  • If they use their real voice ,it would totally ruin the effect

  • Hey, that's not very nice

  • You still like Billy bit Lord.

  • I rest my case.

  • It shouldn't be this difficult for me, though

  • I can take the form of your greatest fear

  • Watch.

  • Please don't do that again.

  • And that is usually enough.

  • Ah, well, here's your real problem. You've got to follow through

  • Because now that you've heard old Palpatine's feelings over there, he's not gonna let you do that again

  • Go on, try.

  • Hey, see? There's always a breaking point

  • As fun as it is, you can't just keep playing with your targets

  • It's easy to get them scared at first,

  • but eventually, they're gonna get wise and turn the tables against you

  • Oh, heroes are so annoying

  • Yeah, I had a girl hit me with a sledgehammer, light me on fire

  • John Connar squished me in the middle press

  • I got stabbed with deer antlers

  • Tell me about it.

  • It happens every time.

  • Well, this sucks.

  • I know what that feels like.

  • I guess I'll just type or Nathan.

  • Oh don't despair, Pennywise

  • Even though you've got in your face beaten in by a bunch of little children, and it's totally embarrassing

  • There is one thing you horror monsters always have that gives you a second chance at revenge

  • And what's that?

  • The sequence

  • So many sequences. You don't even know what to do with them

  • Take him to Manhattan is not worth bragging about, Jason

  • I'm just a lonely creepers

  • I'm just a lonely creepers

  • Wishing I could sting some tea

Hello?

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