Man.

Impressive, you upgraded your armor.

I made some adjustments of my own

Wow. Are you kidding me with that take off speed?

Umm. Takes a while,

but I'll catch you

Are you sure about that? I mean, have even you flown in that thing before?

Not exactly,

but I assure you it's more advanced in every way

Oh well, you say if it's more advanced, then by all means, I guess I'll just surrender right-

TANK MISSILE

Careful, man! There's a brand new suit here.

(BOOM)

So you just killed him?

Yeah, I mean it was either that or have Pepper do it for me

So I just decided to take all the credit.

That's sort of arrogant AND thoughtful.

But still, you just killed him off.

That's pretty dark. I mean you knew the guy almost your whole life.

He tried to kill me, twice.

And haven't you learned yet, that if you put your super-villain in prison,

They just vow revenge and break out again.

Yeah, that- that never happens.

So, after you killed him, what happened?

Well, after that, I had a press conference

And told the world I'm Iron Man.

B&S- What?!

Dude!

You can't give away your secret identity.

Why not? Because I did, and I'm awesome.

So,

In your face.

You just can't! I mean, you're not supposed to.

Eh, I like the attention.

You mean to tell me you've never revealed your secret identity before?

Uh, no.

Ha! Try every girl you've ever dated.

What?!

"Oh, I'm Bruce Wayne and I like you.

"Let me tell you my big secret."

Oh, you're one to talk. Mr. Mind-Eraser.

Oh, don't even.

I will, freeze breathe your face off.

No you won't.

You're right, I won't. I love this guy.

Up top.

*slap*

But you knew I could've hi -fived you into the ground just now, right?

Guys, guys, it's not a contest.

Because I think we all know who would win if it were.

Me.

Oh, please. Oh, whatever!

I'm Batman.

Let's arm wrestle, right now.

I must go back to Asgard but I give you my word,

I will return for you.

Deal?

(kissing)

Deal.

Wow.

Thor, we must go.

Yeah, yeah. I know.

I just- um.

*majestic music*

I think I may not want to leave now.

What?!

Well I got my hammer back, I got a hot girlfriend,

Things are looking very well for me.

B-But, What about-

*majestic music intensifies*

Oh yeah, I'm gonna stay. Good luck to you, old friends!

So you just abandoned everything?

Of course! Wouldn't you?

No!

Yes.

Dude.

What can I say, chicks are my kryptonite.

Yeah, I'd probably leave it all behind too.

Yup.

But still, what about your brother?

I mean, wouldn't he destroy that Ice Realm?

Meh. If he does, I'm sure my father will take care of it when he wakes.

BLEH EUH- Odin sleep.

I've done it father! I destroyed all of Jotunheim when you were sleeping.

And that is why YOU are also banished!

What?

I take from you, your power!

AND I CAST YOU OUT!

Son of a-

ICE GIANT!

Your dad is sort of extreme.

Well I suppose he's a little strict but everything he does, he does for a reason.

Like stealing a baby?

And then raising that baby as your brother?

And making him believe that he could be king?

So then he goes crazy with jealousy and becomes your life-long enemy?

Yeah, way to go, dad.

Yes, well, that may be true.

...but at least I have a father.

Ooh ho ho! Burn!

So are we just gonna do this every time a superhero comes along?

Probably.

Feels like we always do.

Not always!

HULK SAD!

(crying)

Ah, he'll be fine. He just gets really moody.

Mr. Stark?

Nope,nope,nope you see nothing.

He's uh- not ready yet.

Just uh- few more seconds and... Ah! There we go!

SUPERHERO STEROIDS!

The plane's headed to bomb New York if I don't force it down now

a lot of people are gonna die.

I gotta put her in the water.

Please, don't do this. We have time.

We can work it out. Just turn the plane around.

I wish I could but there's just no time. It's just not in the cards, you know?

What do you mean? Do you not have control of the plane?

No, I've got control.

Are the bombs set to explode on a timer? Can you not disarm them?

I actually got rid of most of them already. They're not even bombs, really, more like these

Tiny little airplanes with ejector seats and everything. I even flew one!

Then why can't you pilot one of the bombs back here before the plane crashes?

That sure sounds nice. It's just too late.

You turn that plane around right now!

Can't do it

You are being absurd!!

I'm gonna need a rain-check on that dance, Peggy.

You're not even gonna look for a parachute?! Something, just right on the ground?

I really wanted to take you dancing.

I'm really starting to doubt your interest in this relationship.

Oh I'm so alone up here,

With no options of survival, it's so heartbreaking,

The plane's going down!!!

You know what? Fine. Crash your stupid plane,

freeze to death if that's what you want.

See if I care!

It's so sad, I don't want to freeze to death!

Thanks for the muscles, but it's too late now!

Aaaahhhhh! (crash)

When Captain America throws his mighty shield...

All those who choose to oppose his shield must yield!

Unless you're a plane, or a bomb, or some ice.

Then he'll choose to take a nap because the ice seems nice!

When Captain America throws his mighty shield!!!

(laughs)

Haha, guys. You're hilarious.

"Hey, I'm Captain America, I can sock old Hitler on the jaw."

"Yeah, just makes sure someone else pilots the plane to get me there, right?"

(laughs)

You remember Hitler, right?

That other guy you were fighting, before you froze yourself?

Hey, I had no choice, ok?

Haha, don't crash the plane in warmer waters!

I wanna swim when I'm chasing submarines.

(laughs again)

Oh, like you two could've done it any better.

Are you kidding?

Dude, I catch falling planes mid-air like, every other week.

And I'm Batman.

Ok, ok, fair enough.

But wait, (gasps)! Shh, shh,

Do you guys hear that?

Hear what?

Is that the Justice League calling?

I don't hear anything...

Yeah. Me either.

Exactly.

Hoho! Captain America burn!!

Easy there, major.

Okay, when he gets here I'll do my hands like this and you do your hands the same.

And on the count of three, we catch him with a fence of fire.

Or we could just burn him! Isn't that the purpose of having flamethrower arms?

Ow, Shizah!

Fence of fire! Fence of fire!

Haha! Take that, Hydra Nazis!

(coughing)

Are we done here?

Hello.

You're still here?

Yes.

Why didn't you run away while we settled our differences?

I'll never tell! Muahahahaha...

Hmmhahaha,muahahahahahaa!

Okay, we're not taking him back to base. He is DEFINITELY up to something!

Ha ha! Shield!

Gentlemen, right this way.

(unintelligible)

Hulk: (roars) Thor: Here comes the hammer!

Pew! Pew! Pew!

Captain Ball!

From whence it came!

Say what again! I dare you! I double dare you!

(yells)

Puny god, puny god, puny god!

TANK MISSILE!

(explosion)

Hey, you guys ever had shawarma?

This place serves food?!

Yeah. You never had shawarma either?

Shawarma!

Um, why do I have to sit on Hulk's lap?

Mm. Another!

Hey, I'm Batman.

You wanna know my secret identity?

...Why?

(coughs) So, you guys had quite a weekend.

Heh, that's an understatement.

First you guys were against each other, then your buddy got killed,

So you're suddenly friends,

(ptoo) Someone died?!

Uh, yeah. Um, you kinda missed out on that part.

But luckily, you still wanted to be friends later.

Ohh..

Yeah, right after you fell out of the sky and conveniently learned how to control your rage.

And did you steal a motorcycle?

Um, details not important.

Details like Odin being able to send Thor back to Earth?

What?

Or the professor conveniently making a way to close the portal?

That worked out well for you guys.

Or the Chitauri all dying "Phantom Menace" style after the nuke?

Yup.

One convenient thing after another.

Hmm, kind of like your utility belt.

Avengers: Haha!

Burn.

You know what I think?

I think you two are just jealous that we knocked it out of the park.

(Avengers agreeing and cheering)

Sorry, guys.

I'm not jealous.

I'm Batman.

I guess I'd be jealous if I wasn't like,

all of you combined.

If I couldn't fly or shoot lasers or catch missiles, see really far,

(money rustling) smash through buildings and wear red and blue...

What's that? You're fading out.

O-Oh! We've broken too many records!

We can't hear you through all this Box Office money!

(Avengers laughing)

(Batman sighs)

Hulk: Shawarma

Natasha? Do I have a mark on my face?

It really hurts.

Right here....not here...

or here, so much....but right here.

Nope. Ship shape.

Hey guys, time to suit up.

OH MY GOSH! What happened to your face?!

I knew it!

Okay Jarvis, I gave my home address to an international terrorist

and challenged him to a fight.

I want you to cancel all detective work rendering projects

and focus ALL of our resources on defending my house from attack, all right?

Very well sir.

Shall I engage "House Party" protocol now, then?

Sure, why not?

(humming)

TANK MISSILES!

So who's bullying you?

How'd you know I get picked on at school?

Because you hang out with middle-aged guys in garages.

Oh.

Here kid, have a weaponized flare to use on a bully or whatever