(sniffles)

(sobbing)

- Rekha.

Is everything okay?

- Um, I'm fine.

I'm totally fine.

- Oh my God.

What's goin' on?

- I had the worst week.

I mean, my dad's been really, really sick,

and, um, I just found out that my dog is dying, too.

- I'm so sorry.

I had no idea.

- I'm gonna be okay, but it just sucks

'cause I know my dad's going to heaven,

but Rex is going to dog heaven,

and they're just never gonna see each other,

and that's what's, like, really sad.

- Uh,

yeah.

I can see how the thought of that happening

would make one sad.

- And sure, on Halloween,

all our souls will reconvene here on earth,

and we'll see each other again,

but I don't know, that's only once a year, you know?

It's not enough.

(curious music)

Oh, God, I'm upsetting you will all this emotion.

- No, not at all.

Uh,

some of your beliefs

are

unfamiliar to me. (sobs)

But I can also see that you're extremely sad right now

so I won't do what I would normally do

if someone said something like that.

- (sighs) It's just I wish I could use my God wish

to turn Rex into a human and send him to human heaven

but I can't!

- I'm sorry, your God wish?

- Yeah, the wish God grants you when you go to heaven.

- What religion does that--

- It just sucks, you know, that you only get one God wish,

and I have to use mine on something else.

- I think if God can grant wishes,

probably God could grant more than one.

- Don't be insane, Brennan!

There are infinite people in the world!

God can't grant more than one infinity of wishes.

- First of all, none of that's obvious,

second of all, there aren't infinite people,

third of all, you're making metaphysical claims

that you don't have any way to back up,

and fourth, why wouldn't you use your one God wish

to save your dog?

- Last week, my brother was killed in a hit and run.

(sobs) (somber piano music)

- Oh my God.

I am so sorry.

(stammers) I am so, so sorry.

- Everyone knows when you die on the road,

you go to car heaven.

Car heaven.

So I have to give him my God wish.

- Of course you do.

That is a perfectly noble thing

to use your God wish for. - Thanks.

- Only a pedantic, uncaring nerd

would choose this moment to interrogate

the fascinating knot of tangled dream logic

surrounding your (deep breath) deeply held convictions.

- I was talking to my psychic, my medium,

my astrologer, and my auger-- - Auger?

- Someone who divines the future

from the flight patterns of birds.

- Naturally, continue.

- They all tell me that I can use crystal magic

to cure my dad's cancer.

And I'm like, "That's insane."

- Yeah, yeah!

- That's inane! - Yeah!

- Right! - That's crazy!

- Hello!

Cancer is a living organism.

You can't use crystal magic to destroy life.

- Swing and a miss!

- I just wish I could do something, you know?

But if I use anymore of my The Secret powers,

I have to give my first born to Ahura Mazda, god of light,

and I just don't think I'm ready

to start a family right now, you know?

- I do know.

(sighs)

- Man, I mean, thankfully, the ghost in my house died,

so I can at least get some sleep.

I just feel hopeless.

I don't know, do you have anything

you believe that helps you get through times

when you don't think you can carry on.

- Sure, yeah.

I don't know that I believe in anything supernatural,

but I believe that, you know,

every day you wake up, and you have a chance to be kind.

In a way, the actions we take in life live on long after us,

and I guess I get strength

from thinking that the things I do

maybe leave the world a brighter, kinder place

than it was when I found it.

(uplifting piano music)

- Wow.

Thanks, Brennan, I needed that.

- Anytime.

(whistles)

- Crazy.

- Hey, guys, it's Brennan from CollegeHumor!

Click here to subscribe, click here for more fun stuff,

and please keep keep watching,

because if you stop watching,

I start to vanish.

You get it?

I'm not really real, I'm just a thing on your screen.

(yelps)

Don't forget me!