Oh, good. No one's started drinking yet.

噢，太好了，還沒有人開始喝酒。

Everyone's feeling kind of perky and excited.

大家看起來都很有精神、很興奮

Good, for I hope you'll remember what we talk about,

很好，因為我希望大家能記得我們將要談論的事

at least up to this point.

至少在這一刻

After that, you're on your own.

之後，你就要靠自己了。

When I was about sixteen years old,

我十六歲時，

I can remember flipping through channels at home,

我記得我在家，拿著電視搖控隨意轉台

during summer vacation,

在暑假的時候

looking for a movie to watch on HBO.

想在 HBO 頻道找部電影來看

And how many of you remember Ferris Bueller's Day Off?

你們有多少人還記得「蹺課天才」（Ferris Bueller's Day Off）這部電影？

Oh, yeah. Great movie, right?

喔對，這電影很好看，是吧？

Well, I saw Matthew Broderick on the screen,

當我在螢幕上看到馬修．柏德瑞克時

and so I thought, "Sweet!

我心想「讚喔」

Ferris Bueller. I'll watch this!"

這是「蹺課天才」的主角哩。好，我要來看這部電影了！

It wasn't Ferris Bueller. And forgive me, Matthew Broderick.

結果這部電影跟「蹺課天才」天差地遠。原諒我，馬修．柏德瑞克

I know you've done other movies besides Ferris Bueller,

我知道你除了「蹺課天才」之外，也演過其它電影

but that's how I remember you. You're Ferris.

但是我是因為這部電影才認識你的，你是「費利」是吧~（蹺課天才的主角）

But you weren't doing "Ferrisy" things at the time.

但是你卻不是在演「費利」會做的事。

You were doing gay things at the time.

在電影中，你做的根本是「同志在做的事」。

He was in a movie called Torch Song Trilogy.

這部電影叫做「同性三分親」（Torch Song Trilogy）

And Torch Song Trilogy was based on a play

是從一個舞台劇改編的

about this drag queen,

在描述有一個喜歡變裝成女性的男人

who, essentially, was looking for love.

他一直在尋求愛情

Love and respect.

愛和尊重

That's what the whole film was about.

是這部電影的主題

And, as I'm watching it, I'm realizing

然後，當我們看這部電影時，我漸漸明白

that they're talking about me.

原來他們說的就是我

Not the drag queen part.

僅管不是變裝的那一部份

I'm not shaving my hair for anyone.

我不再修剪我的毛髮了

But the gay part, the friendly love and respect,

但是講到同志，那份友善的愛與尊重

the part about trying to find your place in the world.

那尋求在世界上找到你的位置

So, as I'm watching this,

所以，當我在看這部電影時

I see this powerful scene that brought me to tears,

我看到很感人的場景，讓我不禁流下眼淚

and it's stuck with me for the past 25 years.

而在過去 25 年中，一直萦繞在我心中的

And it's this quote that the main character, Arnold,

是這句對白 - 出自於這部戲的主角阿諾。

tells his mother,

阿諾告訴他的母親

as they're fighting about who he is

當時他們正在為阿諾的自我認同

and the life that he lives:

和他的生活所爭吵

"There's one more thing you'd better understand.

這句對白是：這裡還有一件事，你最好能理解

I have taught myself to sew,

我自己學會了縫紉

cook, fix plumbing, build furniture.

烹飪、修水管、造傢俱

I can even pat myself on the back, when necessary.

需要時，我還可以輕拍自己的背，安慰自己。

Also, I don't have to ask anyone for anything.

我也不需要拜託別人幫我

There's nothing I need from anyone,

我對他人一無所求

except for love and respect,

除了「愛」與「尊重」之外

and anyone who can't give me those two things

如果有人連這兩個東西都不能給我

has no place in my life."

他在我的生命之中就無一席之地了

I remember that scene like it was yesterday.

我這幕場景我印象深刻，就彷彿是昨天才剛看的

I was sixteen, I was in tears,

當時我 16 歲，淚流滿面

I was in the closet

我在一個小房間中

and I'm looking at these two people,

當我看著這兩個人

Ferris Bueller and some guy I'd never seen before,

一位是「費利」，另一個我從來沒看過

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

fighting for love.

為了愛而爭論

When I finally got to a place in my life

當我的人生終於走到這個地方

where I came out and accepted who I was

一個願意接納我的處所

-- and was really quite happy, to tell you the truth,

說實在，我真的相當開心

I was happily gay and I guess that's supposed to be right,

我是個開心的男同志，我想這才是正確的

because "gay" means "happy" too --,

因為「同志」在字義上也有「快樂」的意思

I realized that a lot of people weren't as gay as I was,

我知道許多人不像我這麼 Gay（意指快樂）

"gay" being "happy", not "gay" being

這裡的 Gay 是指「快樂」，而不是

attracted to the same sex.

被同性所吸引

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

In fact, I heard that there was a lot of hate

事實上，我聽過有許多的憎恨

and a lot of anger and a lot of frustration

許多的憤怒、許多的挫敗

and a lot of fear about who I was

許多的恐懼 - 關於「我是誰」這件事

and the gay lifestyle.

以及所謂的同志生活

Now, I'm sitting here trying to figure out,

現在，我坐在這，嘗試來搞懂

"the gay lifestyle", "the gay lifestyle".

「同志生活」、「同志生活」

And I keep hearing this word over and over and over again,

我常常不斷地聽到這個字眼

"lifestyle", "lifestyle", lifestyle".

「生活方式」、「生活方式」、「生活方式」

I've even heard a politicians say

我曾經聽過一個政治人物說

that the gay lifestyle is a greater threat

同志生活對於人類文明所產生的威脅

to civilization than terrorism.

比起恐怖主義更甚

That's when I got scared!

我聽到時嚇壞了！

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Because I'm thinking,

因為我在想

"If I'm gay,

如果我是個同志

and I'm doing something that's going to destroy civilization,

然後我在做一些會危害人類文明的事

I need to figure out what this stuff is

我得找出那到底是什麼事

and I need to stop doing it right now!"

我得馬上停止這種行為！

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

So, I took a look at my life,

所以，我開始檢視我的生活

a hard look at my life,

非常仔細的檢查

and I saw some things very disturbing.

然後我看到了一些非常惹人厭的事

[The Super-Duper Evil Gay Lifestyle] (Laughter)

「糟糕透頂的同志生活」（笑聲）

And I want to begin sharing these evil things

我想跟各位分享這些很可惡的事情

that I've been doing with you,

就是我過去一直在做的

starting with my mornings.

從我的早晨開始好了

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I drink coffee.

我會喝咖啡

Not only do I drink coffee,

不是只有我喝咖啡喔

I know other gay people who drink coffee.

我還知道有其它的同志也會喝咖啡

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I get stuck in traffic.

我遇到塞車

Evil, evil traffic!

非常討人厭的塞車

Sometimes I get stuck in lines at airports!

有時候我會在機場大排長龍

I look around and I go, "My God!

我向四週觀望了一下，心理想說「我的天呀！」

Look at all these gay people!

看看這些「開心」的旅客！

We're all trapped in these lines,

我們全部都卡在排隊的隊伍裡

these long lines, trying to get into the airplane!

好長的隊伍，要慢慢的登上飛機！

My God! This lifestyle that I'm living

我的老天！這就是我的生活

is so freaking evil!"

真是慘不忍睹！

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I clean up.

我會打掃房間

This is not an actual photograph of my son's room.

這個不是我兒子房間的實際相片

His is messier.

他的房間更亂

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

And, because I have a fifteen-year-old,

此外，因為他的年紀才 15 歲

all I do is cook, and cook, and cook.

所以我得天天準備三餐

Any parents out there of teenagers?

有任何在座的家裡有青少年？

All we do is cook for these people!

我一直在為這些人煮飯做菜

They eat two, three, four dinners a night!

他們一個晚上可以吃二到四次的晚餐！

It's ridiculous! (Laughter)

這太誇張了！（笑聲）

This is the gay lifestyle.

這就是同志生活

And after I'm done cooking,

我煮完飯後，

and cleaning, and standing in line,

開始清理，然後排隊

and getting stuck in traffic,

遇到塞車

my partner and I, we get together

我和我的伴侶，我們一起

and we decide that we're going to go

決定打算一起去

and have some wild and crazy fun.

狂歡一下

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

We're used to be in bed before we find out who's eliminated on American Idol.

我們習慣在睡前看「美國偶像」節目，看看那個參賽者又被淘汰了

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

We have to wake up and find out the next day

然後我們得在第二天醒來後去看一下

who's still on, because we're too freaking tired

誰在比賽中獲勝，因為我們實在太累了

to hear who stays on.

撐不到比賽宣佈結果就睡著了

This is the super-duper, evil gay lifestyle. (Laughter)

這就是超級糟透的同志生活（笑聲）

Run for your heterosexual lives, people!

各位，你們還是去當個性向正常的人吧！

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

(Applause)

（掌聲）

When my partner Steve and I first started dating,

當我和我的伴侶 Steve 剛開始交往的時候

he told me the story about penguins.

他告訴了我一個企鵝的故事

And I didn't know where he was going with it at first.

一開始我不知道他要說些什麼

He was kind of a little bit nervous when he was sharing it with me.

當他要說這個故事的時候，他有點緊張

But he told me that, when a penguin finds a mate

他告訴我，當一隻企鵝找到牠的伴侶

that they want to spend the rest of their life with,

準備渡過餘生時

they present them with a pebble.

牠會贈予一顆鵝卵石

The perfect pebble.

一個形狀完美的鵝卵石

And then he reaches into his pocket

此時，他伸手到他的口袋內

and he brings this out to me.

送了一條石頭項鍊給我

And I looked at it and I was like,

我看著這顆項鍊，心想著

"This is really cool."

「這也太酷了」

And he says, "I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

他接著說「我希望能用我的餘生來陪伴你」

So, I wear this whenever I have to do something

所以，我戴著這個項鍊

that makes me a little nervous,

在任何令我感到緊張的場合

like, I don't know, a TEDx talk. (Laughter)

譬如說…我不知道…TEDx Talk 演說吧（笑聲）

I wear this when I am apart from him

只要我跟他分離

for a long period of time,

很長一段時間的時候，我就會戴著它。

and sometimes I just wear it just because.

有時候，我就只是想戴著它

How many people out there are in love?

現在有多少人正在熱戀中？

Anyone in love out there?

有任何人在熱戀中嗎？

You might be gay.

你可能是個同志

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Because I too am in love

因為我也在熱戀中

and, apparently, that's part of the gay lifestyle

顯然的，這也是同志生活的一部份

I warned you about. (Laughter)

我有警告過你們的（笑聲）

(Applause)

（掌聲）

You may want to tell your spouse,

你也許想要告訴你的伴侶

who, if they're in love, might be gay as well.

如果他們正陷入了熱戀，就有可能是同性戀者

How many of you are single?

在座各位有多少人是單身？

Any single people out there?

有單身的人嗎？

You too might be gay,

你們也有可能是同性戀者

because I know some gay people who are also single.

因為我認識一些同性戀者，他們也是單身

It's really scary, this gay lifestyle thing.

這看起來很嚇人，關於所謂的同志生活

It's super-duper evil

真是超糟糕的

and there's no end to it.

像是無底洞一樣

It goes and goes and engulfs [us].

無窮無盡，幾乎要把我們吞噬了

It's really quite silly, isn't it?

看起來很蠢，是吧？

That's why I'm so happy

這是為什麼我是如此快樂

to finally hear President Obama come out and say...

當我終於聽到歐巴馬總統出來說

(Applause) (Cheering)

（鼓掌、歡呼）

that he supports marriage equality.

他支持「婚姻平權」

It's a wonderful day in our country's history,

這真是美國歷史上最美好的一日

it's a wonderful day in the globe's history

也是全球歷史上最美好的一日

to be able to have an actual sitting president

讓我們有一個在職的總統

say "Enough of this",

出面說「已經夠了」。

first to himself and then to the rest of the world.

先對他自己，再對其它所有的眾人

It's wonderful.

這太美好了

But there's something that's been disturbing me

但是仍然有件事讓我耿耿於懷

since he made that remark just a short time ago.

自從歐巴馬總統在不久前發出此宣言後

And that is, apparently, this is just another move

果然有一群同性戀支持者，發起一項運動

by the gay activists that's on the "Gay Agenda".

基於所謂的「同性戀議程」

And I'm disturbed by this

我有點不以為然

because I have been openly gay now for quite some time.

因為我已經出櫃好一陣子了

I've been to all of the functions.

我參與過所有的活動

I've been to fundraisers,

我參加過募款大會

I've written about the topic

我寫過評論文章

and I have yet to receive my copy of this "Gay Agenda".

結果我卻沒有收到「同性戀議程」的冊子

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I've paid my dues on time...

我可是都有準時交會費的

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I've marched in gay pride flags,

我曾在彩虹旗海的飄揚下行進

parades and the whole nine,

參與了整個遊行

and I have yet to see a copy of the "Gay Agenda".

然而我從來沒收到我的「同性戀議程」冊子

I was very, very frustrated.

我感到很氣餒

I was feeling left out like I wasn't quite gay enough.

好像我表現的還不像同志，導致我被冷落

But then, something wonderful happened.

但是後來發生了一個驚喜

I was out shopping, as I tend to do,

我出外購物，如同往常一般

and I came across a booklet copy

然後我剛好有機會拿到

of the official Gay Agenda.

「同性戀議程」的影印本

And I said to myself, "LZ, for so long,

我對於自己說「終於入手了，這也太久了」

you have been denied this.

之前想拿都拿不到

When you get in front of this crowd,

當你在群眾面前

you're going to share the news,

你要去分享這個訊息

you're going to spread the Gay Agenda,

你要讓更多人知道「同性戀議程」

so no one else has to wonder,

如此，才不會有人心存疑惑

'What exactly is in the Gay Agenda?'

「到底同性戀議程是在主張什麼？」

'What are these gays up to?' (Laughter)

「這些同志們到底在忙什麼？」（笑聲）

'What do they want?'"

「他們要什麼？」

So, without further ado,

所以，事不宜遲

I will present to you, ladies and gentlemen,

各位先生和小姐，我要給各位看的是

-- and be careful, because it's evil --

你們要小心，因為這玩意很邪惡

a copy, the official copy of the Gay Agenda.

「同性戀議程」真正的官方文件

[Gay Agenda] (Music)

「同性戀議程」（音樂）

The Gay Agenda, people!

各位！這就是「同性戀議程」！

(Applause) (Cheering)

（聲掌）（歡呼）

There it is. Did you soak it all in?

就是這個，大家都看到了嗎？

The Gay Agenda!

「同性戀議程」！

Some of you may be calling it

也許你們有些人會稱呼它為

"The Constitution of the United States"?

「美國憲法」？

Is that what you call it too?

你們也是這樣稱呼它的嗎？

The US Constitution is the Gay Agenda.

美國憲法就是同性戀議程

These gays, people like me,

這些和我一樣的同志們

want to be treated like full citizens.

希望被視為一個正常的美國公民

And it's all written down! In plain sight!

而這個已經被寫下來了，一目了然！

I was blown away when I saw it!

當我第一眼看到時，我簡直驚呆了

I was like, "Wait! Is this the Gay Agenda?

我心想「等等！這個就是同性戀議程？」

Why didn't you just call it "The Constitution",

為什麼你們不直接叫它「憲法」

so I knew what you were talking about?

所以我才知道你們到底在說什麼？

I wouldn't have been so confused! I wouldn't have been so upset!"

我就不會被搞得那麼糊塗！也不會被弄得那麼生氣！

But... there it is! The Gay Agenda.

但是…這就是了！同性戀議程

Run for your heterosexual lives.

你們還是去當個性向正常的人吧！

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Did you know that in all the states

你們知道在美國

where there is no shading,

圖表中所有沒有上色的州

people who are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered

如果有人是男同志、女同志、雙性戀、變性者

can be kicked out of their apartments for being

可能會從他們的公寓中被趕出來

gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered?

僅是因為他們是男同志、女同志、雙性戀、變性者？

That's the only reason that a landlord needs

房東只要根據這個理由

to have them removed,

就可以趕走這些房客

because there's no protection

因為在這些州沒有任何的反歧視法律保護

from discrimination of GLBT people.

針對這些特殊性向的人

Did you know, in the states where there is no shading,

你們知道嗎？在那些沒有上色的州

that you can be fired

你可能會被公司開除

for being gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered,

只因為你是男同志、女同志、雙性戀、變性者

not based upon the quality of your work,

而不是依據你在工作上的表現

how long you've been there,

你到那些地方多久了？

if you stink?

你臭不臭？

Just if you're gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered.

只是因為你是男同志、女同志、雙性戀、變性者

All of which flies in the face of the Gay Agenda,

這些其實都公然違反「同性戀議程」

also known as the US Constitution,