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  • I gotta talk to the people of America for a second

  • if it's all right. All right.

  • Because this is a pretty interesting stuff.

  • I wanna talk about here at the top of the show.

  • You folks may not know this

  • but all throughout Europe

  • there are late night talk shows

  • which are by and large imitations of American talk shows.

  • This is a sprung up in the last couple of years-

  • Yeah, when I've been on vacation over there

  • It's amazing how close some of them are

  • to talk shows here. To talk shows here.

  • Yeah. Yeah, It's pretty cool.

  • Well recently, I was invited to fly to Cologne, Germany

  • to appear on the Harald Schmidt Show.

  • (audience laughing)

  • This is honest to God.

  • This is true.

  • He is known as the David Letterman of Germany

  • and he borrows a lot of stuff from David Letterman.

  • And he borrowed some stuff from our show

  • which is a high compliment.

  • And anyway, I had heard about this show

  • and when I got the invitation

  • I was intrigued.

  • So I decided to fly to Germany appear on the show

  • and see all the sights of Cologne

  • 'cause I've never been there.

  • And we of course brought a camera crew.

  • We filmed the whole thing

  • and we're gonna show it to you right now

  • because it's pretty interesting what happened.

  • We hope you enjoy.

  • (bright music)

  • I've heard that my fans in Europe

  • can be a little overzealous.

  • So while I'm here and NBC has assigned me a bodyguard.

  • This is Barn and he's gonna pretty much make sure that

  • you know everyone keeps their distance.

  • (audience laughing)

  • (bright music)

  • We're in the basement of a beer hall

  • and this thing is pretty interesting.

  • It's designed just for people that need to vomit.

  • There's a handle on either side

  • and in here and there's a nice wide space

  • to accommodate cone vomit.

  • (mumbles)

  • You vomit, you move away.

  • These lights sensors flush the vomit

  • and then you go upstairs to drink some more, (mumbles)

  • (audience laughing and clapping)

  • Thank you.

  • Thank you very much.

  • It's bunch of Germans in the next car.

  • I'm gonna guess that their names are Frieda

  • Chelsea, Ceaser and Lao Slimeslaw.

  • By the way it's a matter of minutes

  • before I'm beaten to death.

  • This is the thing to do if you're in Cologne.

  • Is ride on the cable car.

  • I think that's why most teenagers here shoot themselves

  • (audience laughing)

  • around the age of 17.

  • The city of Cologne is a medieval city.

  • It's been around for a long time.

  • The initial name for the city wasn't Cologne,

  • it was Afterashaven

  • (audience laughing)

  • But they changed it

  • and they didn't think it had a nice (mumbles).

  • This is the Cologne Cathedral.

  • It's the world's largest Gothic cathedral.

  • It's 750 years old, and it is absolutely breathtaking.

  • Is this funny?

  • [Man] No.

  • Let's get the hell out of here then.

  • Come on let's go.

  • (bright music)

  • Have you ever watched my show here?

  • It's on- Every night.

  • You watch it every night?

  • Yes, we tape it

  • then we watch it till the next morning.

  • And you enjoy it? Absolutely.

  • We've noticed that

  • there are some comedy bits on this show

  • that seems similar to comedy bits on our show.

  • Have you ever noticed that?

  • Yeah. You've have?

  • Mmh. Thanks for coming.

  • Yeah, thanks for being here.

  • (crowd clapping and cheering)

  • So, hello there, Michael?

  • Hey there Conan

  • The King of Pop, hello Michael Jackson.

  • (mumbles) hello Sir, I love you.

  • Then you can have a lawyer present if you want.

  • There's no, no..

  • I believe I believe that..

  • No, no I believe that it's nice

  • for people to exchange ideas, you know,

  • happy that the desk drive we've seen Harald drive the desk.

  • No sometimes he--

  • And that was part of independently.

  • The lips, the moving lips probably independent,

  • not a big deal.

  • Listen, I want $600,000 before I leave here.

  • I'm (mumbles) you understand?

  • 600 mmh Yeah.

  • Yeah. Could you talk to somebody.

  • No.

  • Hey, O'Brian, how are you?

  • Hey, very nice to meet you.

  • Pleased to meet you.

  • Thanks thanks for having me.

  • No, thanks for coming.

  • But tell me, how was your first season?

  • It wasn't horrible I read, I mean, mine was hell.

  • So ours went very smoothly.

  • (people laughing)

  • Why is everyone laughing

  • and we have a good show tonight.

  • I hope so, I have two wonderful guests

  • Really and then coming on third?

  • How does it work?

  • (people laughing)

  • (bright music)

  • [Announcer] (mumbles) capital in Cologne

  • Die Harald Schmidt Show.

  • (mumbles) late nights superstar Conan O'Brian.

  • (bright music)

  • (audience clapping and cheering)

  • (upbeat music)

  • [Conan] Here I was, walking out

  • on to Germany's number one, top show.

  • I felt great.

  • Maybe it was the exact duplicate

  • of the Letterman set that made me feel so at home.

  • (audience clapping and laughing)

  • (mumbles) welcome to Cologne.

  • Thank you very much.

  • Okay, great.

  • [Conan] This is fantastic.

  • As I launched into some of my oldest stairless routines,

  • I began to wish I could have just a little more fun

  • in Germany before my trip was over.

  • Then I remembered something Harald had told me

  • just before the show.

  • You know, that Cologne is the world's capital gay

  • number one.

  • Really? Yes, absolutely.

  • Well then I'm gay.

  • I'll try that.

  • I just wanna have a good time.

  • I don't care who it's with.

  • Yeah. I just wanna enjoy myself.

  • (upbeat music)

  • (audience laughing and cheering)

  • I had a good time (mumbles)

  • Gay number one, Cologne capital gay number one.

  • That was a lot of fun though.

  • They're writers are nice people and everything we had.

  • We had a good time over there.

  • It's amazing though.

  • You walk out on that set

  • and I've done the Letterman show a few times.

  • It is the exact, they have it down to a science.

  • Really cool.

  • Well that was good to know.

  • Yeah. Well now people know.

  • I was hurt that they weren't copying our set.

  • (both laughing)

  • The big pillow thing on the wall.

  • The Germans would have none of it.

  • No, no. No, they were disgusted.

  • All right.

  • Wanna take a little break ladies and gentlemen,

  • and we've got an amazing show lined up for you

  • when we come back.

I gotta talk to the people of America for a second

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