>> Conan: HEY, EVERYBODY,

WE'RE BACK.

FOLKS, MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT

HAS STARRED IN "USUAL SUSPECTS"

AND "CASINO."

HIS NEWEST FILM

"GRUMPIER OLD MEN" OPENS

TONIGHT.

YOU SHOULD CHECK IT OUT.

PLEASE WELCOME KEVIN POLLAK

TO OUR PROGRAM!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

♪♪♪♪

>> I HAVE TOOLS.

[ CONAN LAUGHS ]

>> Conan: NOTHING INKS UP

A TALK SHOW STUDIO.

>> NOTHING QUITE LIKE IT,

MY FRIEND.

>> Conan: A BIG OLD CIGAR.

>> HERE WE ARE.

>> Conan: HEY, THANK YOU VERY

MUCH!

>> I CLIPPED THE ENDS OF THESE

FOR YOU IN CASE YOU WANTED IT

TO JUST GO AHEAD AND GO CRAZY

RIGHT HERE.

>> Conan: NO, WELL, WE MAY.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

YUP.

YOU HAVE 210 OF THESE?

>> I8HAVE 74 BOXES THAT I'LL

PASS OUT DURING THE BREAK!

>> Conan: DURING THE BREAK,

RIGHT.

[ EERS AND APPLAUSE ]

YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU BETTER HAVE THEM NOW.

>> NO KIDDING!

>> Conan: THIS IS

A PREDOMINANTLY NEW YORK CROWD.

THEY'RE GONNA BEAT THE CRAP OUT

OF YOU.

>> LET'S HOPE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> Conan: ALL RIGHT, WE'LL SMOKE

THOSE A LITTLE LATER.

>> ALLIGHT!

>> Conan: GOOD TO SEE YOU.

YOU MUST BE IN THE HOLIDAY

SPIRIT, HUH?

>> HOW CAN YOU NOT BE?

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

>> Conan: THERE ARE A LOT

OF WAYS, BELIEVE ME.

>> IT'S SO CRAZY OUT HERE

IN NEW YORK DURING THE HOLIDAY

SEASON.

>> Conan: IN NEW YORK, THEY TAKE

IT REAL -- ESPECIALLY RIGHT

AROUND ROCKEFELLER CENTER, RIGHT

HERE WITH THE BIG TREE.

>> WELL, IT'S THE BIG SHOPPING

THAT'S A LITTLE NUTTY.

>> Conan: YEAH.

>> YEAH, GETTING AROUND --

TRYING TO GET THROUGH THE STORE,

YOU HAVE TO BE A RUNNING BACK

OR SOMETHING.

IT'S -- I MEAN, IT'S REALLY

NUTS.

>> Conan: IT'S PRETTY INTENSE

OUT THERE.

BUT DO YOU -- I MEAN --

>> GRABBING AND REACHING --

AS MY FRIEND THE GREAT

RAY BELASY WOULD SAY WHILE

SHOPPING IN NEW YORK

DURING CHRISTMASTIME, SORT

OF "GET OFF MY SKIRT."

YOU KNOW, HERE'S WORKING

YOUR WAY THROUGH THE WHOLE

CROWD.

>> Conan: IT'S A SAD THING HERE.

IT RUINS CHRISTMAS.

THEY'VE RAVAGED IT.

>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE DEAL

IS, YOU KNOW?

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE LOVE

AND THE SHARING AND THE GIVING?

SCREW IT!

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> Conan: THERE'S NO MONEY

IN IT.

THAT'S THE PROBLEM.

>> THAT'S RIGHT.

>> Conan: LISTEN, LET ME ASK

YOU SOMETHING, THOUGH.

TO GET INTO THE SPIRIT, WHAT DO

YOU LIKE TO DO?

ARE YOU ONE OF THOSE GUYS -- CAN

YOU GO OUT CARING?

CAN YOU SING SONGS?

>> I'LL BE GOING THROUGH

THE NEIGHBORHOODS LATER, DOING

THE CAROLING.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> Conan: YOU SAY THAT LIKE IT'S

A THREAT.

>> HA, HA, YEAH.

I LOOK -- I LOVE THE CHRISTMAS

ALBUMS, YOU KNOW, KENNY G.'S

ALBUM, THE CHRISTMAS ALBUM.

>> Conan: OH, YEAH.

>> HIS WAS THE

NUMBER ONE-SELLING CHRISTMAS

ALBUM IN THE HISTORY

OF CHRISTMAS.

AND EVERY NOW AND THEN,

CELEBRITY OR WHATNOT PUT OUT

THE CHRISTMAS ALBUMS.

SO I'M TRYING TO AMASS A SORT

OF A COLLECTION, YOU KNOW,

THEY DID THAT "GOLDEN THROAT"

ALBUM WHERE THEY HAD SHATNER

SINGING "LUCY IN THE SKY

WITH DIAMONDS."

[ APPLAUSE ]

>> Conan: THAT'S CLASSIC.

THAT'S ENTERTAINMENT.

THAT'S GOOD ENTERTAINMENT.

>> YOU CAN'T BEAT THAT

WITH THE ENTERTAINMENT DOLLAR.

SO YOU KNOW, I JUST SORT

OF ENVISION ALL THESE THINGS

COMING TOGETHER WHERE YOU WOULD

HAVE WILLIAM SHATNER SINGING --

[ IMITATING WILLIAM SHATNER ]

"'TIS THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY."

[ LAUGHTER ]

"FA, LA, LA, LA, LA."

[ LAUGHTER AND CHEERS ]

>> Conan: UH-HUH.

>> LA, LA, LA, LA.

>> Conan: I WOULD BUY THAT

IN A HEARTBEAT.

>> THAT WOULD BE A LOT OUT

OF THE SHOES.

>> Conan: WHO ELSE ARE YOU GOING

TO GET ON THIS ALBUM?

>> LET'S SEE.

WE COULD GET ALAN ARKIN.

I LIKE TO GO WITH THE ESOTERIC.

[ IMITATING ALAN ARKIN ]

"DECK THE HALLS WITH BOUGHS

OF HOLLY."

[ LAUGHTER ]

"I GOT TO BE HONEST, I DON'T

KNOW WHAT A BOUGH OF HOLLY IS."

[ LAUGHTER ]

"DO THEY HAVE -- DO THEY COME

IN BALLS, LIKE MELLON BALLS?

I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT

THE HOLLY --

LITTLE HOLLY BALLS?

I -- "

>> Conan: THAT'S ANOTHER

40 MINUTES.

>> RIGHT.

>> Conan: GOT IT.

>> THAT'S THE LONG VERSION.

THAT'S ABOUT 18 MINUTES.

AND THEN THERE'S THE

ALBERT BROOKS, WHO I WOULD LOVE

TO GET FOR THE ALBUM.

>> Conan: OH, HE'D BE GREAT

TO GET.

[ IMITATING ALBERT BROOKS ]

"I SAW MOMMY KISSING

SANTA CLAUS.

I DON'T FEEL ABOUT GOOD

ABOUT THIS."

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

"I GOT TO TELL YOU!

YOU KNOW, I'M CONCERNED

FOR MY DAD, YOU KNOW."

[ LAUGHTER ]

WELL, SHE'S GONNA SAY THAT

SHE THREW HIM OVER FOR THIS OLD

FAT GUY, YOU KNOW?

GOD, HE LOOKS 80, THIS GUY.

>> Conan: OH, I WANT THIS ALBUM.

>> YEAH, IT WOULD BE FUN TO DO.

AND THEN MAYBE I'LL GET

A READING, YOU KNOW.

>> Conan: YEAH.

>> GET NICHOLSON --

[ IMITATING JACK NICHOLSON ]

"'TWAS IT THE T BEFORE

CHRISTMAS --

[ LAUGHTER ]

AND ALL THROUGH THE HOUSE, NOT

A CREATURE WAS

STIRRING, NOT EVEN A [ BLEEP ]

MOUSE."

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> Conan: YOU GET ALL OF THEM

TOGETHER --

GET THEM ALL IN ONE ROOM

AND YOU GOT SOMETHING.

LET ME ASK YOU -- I WANT TO MAKE

SURE I ASK YOU ABOUT "CASINO."

BECAUSE THIS IS THE THING.

YOU'VE GOT A MOVIE OUT NOW.

BUT YOU'VE GOT LIKE, EIGHT

MOVIES OUT NOW.

YOU'VE GOT MOVIES CONSTANTLY.

YOU'RE IN "CASINO."

>> SOMETIMES I WISH I WERE ME,

CONAN.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> Conan: WHY?

>> I DON'T KNOW.

>> Conan: YOU'RE SO LUCKY.

>> YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

THE --

>> Conan: YOU'RE DOING A MOVIE

WITH SCORSESE, DE NIRO -- THESE

ARE --

>> SHARON STONE, WHO,

BY THE WAY, EVERY DAY

ON MY TRAILER DOOR --

"KEVIN, PLEASE, JUST LET ME IN."

>> Conan: OH.

>> IT WAS VERY SAD.

>> Conan: YEAH.

>> SWEET GIRL.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> Conan: I'D LIKE TO HELP HER.

>> AND I'M A GIVER, AS IT

TURNS OUT.

BUT THE GREATEST THING --

YOU KNOW, I EXPECTED A VERY

INTENSE SET ON "CASINO"

WITH SCORSESE AND DE NIRO.

I FIGURED A SORT OF BROODING

MIXTURE OF CREATIVITY.

BUT DON RICKLES PLAYS SORT

OF DE NIRO'S HENCHMAN, CASINO

MANAGER.

AND HE COMES ON THE SET,

AND ALTHOUGH HE PLAYS A VERY

STRAIGHT ROLE IN THE MOVIE, WHEN

WE'RE NOT SHOOTING, HE'S JUST

LEVELING EVERYBODY.

BETWEEN EVERY TAKE HE WOULD

SAY -- "THAT'S THE WAY YOU'RE

GOING TO DO IT, HUH, BOB?"

"NO, YOU GOT THE ACADEMY AWARD,

I'M SURE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE

DOING."

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> Conan: HE'S THE ONE GUY WHO

WOULD SCREW WITH DE NIRO.

HE'S THE ONE GUY IN THE WORLD.

>> DE NIRO IS WEEPING

WITH LAUGHTER.

[ CONAN LAUGHS ]

HE JUST LOVED IT.

AND SCORSESE HAS ASTHMA.

AND OCCASIONALLY HE PUTS

ON A LITTLE BREATHING THING.

BECAUSE WE'RE SHOOTING IN LIKE,

A REAL, LIVE CASINO IN VEGAS --

LOTS OF SMOKE AND STUFF.

AND RICKLES WOULD SEE THIS

AND SAY TO DE NIRO, "BOB,

YOU DIDN'T TELL ME THE DIRECTOR

WAS DYING!"

[ LAUGHTER ]

AND AS PESCI WALKS TOWARDS

THE SET AND RICKLES WOULD SAY

TO DE NIRO, "HERE COMES JOE.

JUST THINK, JOE, EIGHT MORE

INCHES, THIS COULD HAVE BEEN

YOUR CAREER, HUH?"

[ LAUGHTER ]

EVERY DAY JOE GETS ON THE PHONE

AND TELLS THE PRODUCTION OFFICE,

"DID DE NIRO SHOW UP?

DAMMIT!"

[ LAUGHTER ]

JUST RELENTLESS, NONSTOP,

AND THESE GUYS WOULD JUST WEEP

WITH LAUGHTER AND SHAKE

UNCONTROLLABLY.

>> Conan: HE'S FEARLESS.

HE CAN GET AWAY WITH IT.

>> NO, IT'S GREAT.

>> Conan: HE'S GREAT

IN THE MOVIE, TOO.

IT'S REALLY --

>> MENACING.

>> Conan: YEAH!

HE'S COMPLETELY UNLIKE YOU'VE

EVER SEEN HIM BEFORE, ACTUALLY.

>> YEAH, "KELLY'S HEROES."

[ CONAN LAUGHS ]

>> Conan: THIS WAS A CLASSIC.

>> THAT'S RIGHT.