and a few years ago I found myself at the end

幾年前，我發現自己再次走到

of yet another fantastic relationship

另一段美好戀情的盡頭

that came burning down in a spectacular fashion.

當然最終也壯烈的結束了

And I thought, you know, what's wrong with me?

接著我想：「我是怎麼了？」

I don't understand why this keeps happening.

為什麼每段感情總以失敗告終

So I asked everybody in my life

所以我問了我身邊的人

what they thought.

聽聽他們的想法

I turned to my grandmother,

我問了我祖母

who always had plenty of advice,

她總是有一堆建議

and she said, "Stop being so picky.

她回答我：「不要這麼挑剔！

You've got to date around.

妳得出去約會

And most importantly,

最重要的是

true love will find you when you least expect it."

真愛總是在不經意時出現」

Now as it turns out,

事實上

I'm somebody who thinks a lot about data,

我是個非常相信根據的人

as you'll soon find.

我想你很快就會發現這點

I am constantly swimming in numbers

我的生活跟數字、公式

and formulas and charts.

還有圖表脫不了關係

I also have a very tight-knit family,

我有一個非常棒的家庭

and I'm very, very close with my sister,

我和我的姐姐十分親密

and as a result, I wanted to have

因此，我夢想著能擁有一個

the same type of family when I grew up.

像我家一樣美好的家庭

So I'm at the end of this bad breakup,

所以我最終是慘烈地分手了

I'm 30 years old,

我現在三十歲

I figure I'm probably going to have

我認為至少要交往六個月

to date somebody for about six months

才能夠確定這個人

before I'm ready to get monogamous

是你未來的伴侶

and before we can sort of cohabitate,

開始同居生活前也需要一點時間

and we have to have that happen for a while before we can get engaged.

同居過一陣子後，才是訂婚

And if I want to start having children by the time I'm 35,

假設我想在35歲時生小孩

that meant that I would have had to have been

代表我必須在

on my way to marriage five years ago.

五年前開始計劃結婚

So that wasn't going to work.

很明顯地，這行不通

If my strategy was to least-expect my way

如果找到真愛的方法是減少期待

into true love, then the variable that I had

那唯一的變數

to deal with was serendipity.

就是看緣份了

In short, I was trying to figure out, well,

簡單來說，我想搞清楚

what's the probability of my finding Mr. Right?

我找到真命天子的機率有多少？

Well, at the time I was living in the city of Philadelphia,

我住在費城的時候

and it's a big city, and I figured,

它是個大城市，而且我發現

in this entire place, there are lots of possibilities.

在這個地方充滿了機會

So again, I started doing some math.

所以，我又算了一下

Population of Philadelphia: It has 1.5 million people.

費城的人口是150萬人

I figure about half of that are men,

我推估半數是男性

so that takes the number down to 750,000.

因此男性至少有75萬名

I'm looking for a guy between the ages of 30 and 36,

我的目標是30到36歲之間的男性

which was only four percent of the population,

大概只佔了百分之四

so now I'm dealing with the possibility of 30,000 men.

所以只剩下3萬人

I was looking for somebody who was Jewish,

我想要找猶太人

because that's what I am and that was important to me.

因為我自己就是，而且這對我很重要

That's only 2.3 percent of the population.

但他們只佔人口的百分之2.3

I figure I'm attracted to maybe one out of 10

我假設這之中有1/10的人

of those men,

會喜歡我

and there was no way I was going

不過我跟打高爾夫的

to deal with somebody who was an avid golfer.

完全合不來

So that basically meant there were 35 men for me

意思就是說只剩35個人

that I could possibly date

可能成為我約會的對象

in the entire city of Philadelphia.

在整個費城！

In the meantime, my very large Jewish family

同時，在我的猶太大家族中

was already all married and well on their way

所有人都已經結婚

to having lots and lots of children,

準備生很多很多小孩

and I felt like I was under tremendous peer pressure

這更讓我感覺到

to get my life going already.

必須快點成家的壓力

So if I have two possible strategies at this point

所以對此我有

I'm sort of figuring out.

兩個對策

One, I can take my grandmother's advice

一、聽我祖母的話

and sort of least-expect my way

不要抱太大期待

into maybe bumping into the one

以為能在費城150萬人口中

out of 35 possible men in the entire

與那35個人

1.5 million-person city of Philadelphia,

在路上巧遇

or I could try online dating.

又或者試試網路交友

Now, I like the idea of online dating,

現在我比較喜歡網路交友這個方法

because it's predicated on an algorithm,

因為這可以用算式算出來

and that's really just a simple way of saying

這很非常地簡單

I've got a problem, I'm going to use some data,

當你遇到問題，只要運用一些數據

run it through a system

透過系統的計算

and get to a solution.

最後得到解決方法

So online dating is the second most popular way

所以網路交友成了現代人找對象時

that people now meet each other,

第二受歡迎的方法

but as it turns out, algorithms have been around

但是計算的方法

for thousands of years in almost every culture.

在每個文化中其實已經存在好幾千年了

In fact, in Judaism, there were matchmakers

事實上，猶太教從很久以前開始

a long time ago, and though

就有媒人了

they didn't have an explicit algorithm per se,

雖然沒有明確的公式

they definitely were running through formulas in their heads,

他們一定也在腦裡計算過

like, is the girl going to like the boy?

像是，那女孩會喜歡那男孩嗎？

Are the families going to get along?

他們的家人會處得來嗎？

What's the rabbi going to say?

拉比會怎麼想?(註: 拉比 是猶太人生活宗教上的老師)

Are they going to start having children right away?

他們會不會很快就有孩子?

And the matchmaker would sort of think through all of this,

媒人通常會在腦中想過這些問題後

put two people together, and that would be the end of it.

把兩人湊成一對

So in my case, I thought,

我猜想，像我的情形

well, will data and an algorithm

數據和算式真能夠幫我找到

lead me to my Prince Charming?

我的白馬王子嗎？

So I decided to sign on.

我決定註冊網路交友

Now, there was one small catch.

這裡有一個小小的插曲

As I'm signing on to the various dating websites,

當我在一堆交友網站註冊後

as it happens, I was really, really busy.

想當然，我變得相當忙

But that actually wasn't the biggest problem.

但這還不是最大的問題

The biggest problem is that I hate

最困擾我的是

filling out questionnaires of any kind,

我痛恨填問卷

and I certainly don't like questionnaires

更不要說那些問卷根本

that are like Cosmo quizzes.

就像是心理測驗

So I just copied and pasted from my résumé.

因此我就直接從履歷複製貼上

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

So in the descriptive part up top,

在最上方的自我描述那一欄

I said that I was an award-winning journalist

我填上我是個得過獎的記者

and a future thinker.

和未來思想家

When I was asked about fun activities and

當它問到我的興趣和理想的對象

my ideal date, I said monetization

我回答賺錢

and fluency in Japanese.

和流利的日文

I talked a lot about JavaScript.

我寫了許多有關程式語言的事

So obviously this was not the best way

但這似乎不是展現自己最好一面的

to put my most sexy foot forward.

的好方法

But the real failure was that

但最糟的是

there were plenty of men for me to date.

那裡有一堆可以跟我約會的男人

These algorithms had a sea full of men

這些運算法則提供了一堆

that wanted to take me out on lots of dates --

要約我出去的男人

what turned out to be truly awful dates.

雖然那些約會的結果都不太好

There was this guy Steve, the I.T. guy.

有一位叫史帝夫的男人，是位科技人

The algorithm matched us up

運算法則把我們湊成一對

because we share a love of gadgets,

因為我們都喜歡小玩意

we share a love of math and data and '80s music,

還有數學和80年代的音樂

and so I agreed to go out with him.

所以我也同意跟他出去

So Steve the I.T. guy invited me out

史帝夫這位科技人約我去

to one of Philadelphia's white-table-cloth,

費城一家的高檔餐廳

extremely expensive restaurants.

那裡消費非常昂貴

And we went in, and right off the bat,

我們到了以後

our conversation really wasn't taking flight,

並沒有講到什麼話

but he was ordering a lot of food.

他只是點了很多食物

In fact, he didn't even bother looking at the menu.

事實上他連餐單都沒瞄過一眼

He was ordering multiple appetizers,

點了一堆開胃菜

multiple entrées, for me as well,

一堆主菜，當然也替我點了

and suddenly there are piles and piles of food on our table,

突然之間，桌上擺滿了食物

also lots and lots of bottles of wine.

和一瓶又一瓶的酒

So we're nearing the end of our conversation

在我們快要沒話講

and the end of dinner, and I've decided

也快吃完飯時，我默默想

Steve the I.T. guy and I are really just not meant for each other,

我們兩個並不適合彼此

but we'll part ways as friends,

但我們不會分開的太難看

when he gets up to go to the bathroom,

他去廁所的時候

and in the meantime the bill comes to our table.

服務生將賬單送到桌上

And listen, I'm a modern woman.

聽好了，我是個現代女性

I am totally down with splitting the bill.

當然可以接受各付各的

But then Steve the I.T. guy didn't come back. (Gasping)

但是史帝夫那位科技人沒有回來

And that was my entire month's rent.

那足足是我整個月的房租

So needless to say, I was not having a good night.

不用說，那不是個美好的晚餐

So I run home, I call my mother, I call my sister,

所以我跑回家，打給我媽媽和姐姐

and as I do, at the end of each one of these

就像每次經歷過一場

terrible, terrible dates,

糟糕的約會後一樣

I regale them with the details.

告訴她們所有細節

And they say to me,

她們告訴我

"Stop complaining."

「不要再抱怨了!」

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

"You're just being too picky."

「妳就是太挑剔了!」

So I said, fine, from here on out

所以我決定從此之後

I'm only going on dates where I know

我只去我知道的地方約會

that there's wi-fi, and I'm bringing my laptop.

要有無線網路，我還要帶著筆電

I'm going to shove it into my bag,

我會把它塞進我的包包

and I'm going to have this email template,

我會用這個電子郵件範本

and I'm going to fill it out and collect information

填上空格，收集些資料

on all these different data points during the date

這樣我就能透過這些資料

to prove to everybody that empirically,

以親身經歷向大家證明

these dates really are terrible. (Laughter)

這些約會有多糟 (笑聲)

So I started tracking things like

我開始注意那些

really stupid, awkward, sexual remarks;

笨拙、尷尬、帶有性意味的言論

bad vocabulary;

不當用詞

the number of times a man forced me to high-five him.

逼我和他擊掌的次數

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

So I started to crunch some numbers,

我開始統計這些數字

and that allowed me to make some correlations.

接著我發現了一些關聯性

So as it turns out,

例如說

for some reason, men who drink Scotch

不知道為什麼 喝蘇格蘭威士忌的男人

reference kinky sex immediately.

總令我聯想到性變態

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

Well, it turns out that these

當然這不代表

probably weren't bad guys.

他們真的是壞人

There were just bad for me.

他們只是不適合我

And as it happens, the algorithms that were setting us up,

將我們湊在一起的交友網站

they weren't bad either.

也沒有錯

These algorithms were doing exactly

它們只是照著

what they were designed to do,

一定的公式運作而已

which was to take our user-generated information,

蒐集使用者的基本資料

in my case, my résumé,

像是我的履歷表

and match it up with other people's information.

和其他人的資料做配對

See, the real problem here is that,

所以真正的問題是

while the algorithms work just fine,

運算法則可以正常運作

you and I don't, when confronted

我們卻作不到

with blank windows where we're supposed

當面對需要填入

to input our information online.

個人資料的空白視窗時

Very few of us have the ability

我們之中只有極少數的人

to be totally and brutally honest with ourselves.

能夠全然地坦白面對

The other problem is that these websites are asking us

另一個問題是，交友網站總是問一些問題

questions like, are you a dog person or a cat person?

像是，你喜歡狗還是貓？

Do you like horror films or romance films?

你喜歡恐怖片還是愛情片？

I'm not looking for a pen pal.

我又不是要找筆友

I'm looking for a husband. Right?

我是要找老公，不是嗎？

So there's a certain amount of superficiality in that data.

那裡頭淨是一些膚淺的資料

So I said fine, I've got a new plan.

我想說好吧，我有一個新的計劃

I'm going to keep using these online dating sites,

我會繼續用這些交友網站

but I'm going to treat them as databases,

但僅僅是把它當成資料庫

and rather than waiting for an algorithm to set me up,

另外，比起讓系統替我配對

I think I'm going to try reverse-engineering this entire system.

我決定反向操作這整個系統

So knowing that there was superficial data

因為在知道它僅靠一些膚淺問題

that was being used to match me up with other people,

幫我找尋適合的對象之後

I decided instead to ask my own questions.

我決定自己提出自己的問題

What was every single possible thing

在我找另一半時

that I could think of that I was looking for in a mate?

會想到哪些條件呢？

So I started writing and writing and writing,

我開始不停地寫

and at the end, I had amassed

最後，我累積了

72 different data points.

72個不同的條件

I wanted somebody was Jew...ish,

我想找猶太人

so I was looking for somebody who had the same

找一個跟我有相同背景

background and thoughts on our culture,

相同文化觀的人

but wasn't going to force me to go to shul

但前提是每週五、週六

every Friday and Saturday.

他不會逼我去猶太教會

I wanted somebody who worked hard,

我想找認真工作的人

because work for me is extremely important,

因為工作對我來說相當重要

but not too hard.

不過也不能太過火

For me, the hobbies that I have

對我而言，我的嗜好就只是

are really just new work projects that I've launched.

手頭上正在進行的工作

I also wanted somebody who not only wanted two children,

我想找個打算生兩個小孩

but was going to have the same attitude toward parenting that I do,

教養觀念和我一樣的人

so somebody who was going to be totally okay

一個不反對我們的小孩

with forcing our child to start taking piano lessons at age three,

三歲開始學鋼琴

and also maybe computer science classes

如果可能的話

if we could wrangle it.

還要上電腦課

So things like that, but I also wanted somebody

像是這些問題，還有最好是個

who would go to far-flung, exotic places,

見多識廣的人，旅行過特別的地方

like Petra, Jordan.

像是佩特拉、約旦

I also wanted somebody who would weigh

還有，無論何時

20 pounds more than me at all times,

無論我多重

regardless of what I weighed.

他都必須比我重個20磅

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

So I now have these 72 different data points,

現在，我有72個條件

which, to be fair, is a lot.

老實說，實在很多

So what I did was, I went through

我看了看那張清單

and I prioritized that list.

排出優先順序

I broke it into a top tier and a second tier of points,

我把整份清單分為兩部分

and I ranked everything starting at 100

我將每樣條件從100分開始打分數

and going all the way down to 91,

最低91分

and listing things like I was looking for somebody who was really smart,

並且寫下具體條件，像是聰明

who would challenge and stimulate me,

能夠挑戰和激勵我

and balancing that with a second tier

跟第二部分的條件

and a second set of points.