You may know me as the voice of Bender,

you know the lovable scamp from "Futurama",

the dog from "Adventuretime" Jake,

you know dude, come on man, you're totally math.

And what I'm gonna do today is improvise some characters

that I've never

seen before [images whoosh]

so, hmm, hope I get the gig.

[air whooshes] All right,

so looking at this mosquito and the first thing I'm thinking

is the New Jersey state bird

because I'm from New Jersey, originally.

So he's definitely, definitely, definitely up here.

You know he's got that high pitch sorta thing,

maybe like a Pesci-esque sorta thing

and yeah 'cause he's worried

and he wants to do, suck your blood out and bleed.

But maybe he don't but maybe he's got a problem

with the hemoglobin, eek, then he doesn't really--

He has a problem consuming blood. [moans]

But then again, I mean going against the grain

is always funny so you can make him some sort of dumb

kinda voice like this.

[moans] and when he gets up [moans],

you know he wants to suck somebody's blood. [moans]

I mean, so you know but definitely, definitely up here

in the nose.

That's what I would do for that.

[air whooshes]

Okay, here you have a--

Wow, I just noticed that he's got crossed eyes.

You know what's funny, when you do a character

with certain sort of things, you tend to do it

when you're doing it so I'm gonna try not to do that.

But I would think that he is some sort of guy

who talks like this and you know.

Or maybe because he seems like a viking

that he would have a sort of a Scandinavian accent,

you know.

Arg, he likes the snow and he likes his mustache

and he likes his ax and boy, this wooden table on my back

sure makes a great shield, huh?

He could also have sort of a voice like this

but anyway I'm out here in the snow.

Like I tell you what, I love a smoked fish.

Definitely not working with a full deck

'cause of those crossed eyes.

You can make him sound, you know he's trying to be smarter

than he actually is but he's not really that smart.

So the faster you have him talk,

the more you think he knows what he's talking about

but he doesn't know what he's talking about.

[air whooshes]

This guy looks like a devil that is middle management

and he's always just angry at everybody.

What is everybody doing?

'Cause he's got no nose so you can't really hear.

Ah, ah!

I'll tell you what I need.

Somebody get me something to wipe my glasses with.

Ah!

You know what, I would get the direction on this,

if I'd booked this gig, I would get the direction,

"John, start lower so you have somewhere to go."

'Cause I would constantly just be screaming,

screaming, screaming.

He'd start out like this and then he'd go like this

and he'd get really angry and then ah!

All right, you could try a nerdier version.

I want everybody at that meeting at 9:30. [growls]

And you could totally add the adenoidal

and then like a total demon snarl.

Yeah, so any time he complains you know,

"Hooves, how made this coffee in here? [growls]"

You know, I mean that could work.

[air whooshes]

Oh, this guy is very cute.

He seems like a very timid guy.

Now, this is interesting because the first place I went

with this voice, this tiger seems very timid.

He almost is like, "I can't believe how large I am

"and yet, I'm a vegetarian.

"I really don't like killing other animals for food."

He could even be sadder because I mean if you just tiny bit

it could be just, it could almost be on the verge of tears

the whole time that he talks.

I just [mumbles].

I had to eat this lone little pig.

It was the worst thing I've ever done in my life.

I can't believe it.

I gotta go back to eating a plant-based diet. [laughs]

[air whooshes]

Ooh gee, ooh.

I mean just his face alone just makes him--

He just seems like he's just scared of everything.

I mean I would woo.

I mean I don't know what it is about birds,

they just seem very New Yorkish, woot.

Look out.

I know I'm not friendly here [moans].

Ah, don't throw that there.

I know, I know.

No, I know, I know it's birdseed [chuckles].

I know it's birdseed.

I don't need any birdseed right now.

I'm birdseed intolerant.

Birds, for me, are always just so much higher

unless they're birds of prey.

This is not a bird of prey.

A bird of prey can--

You get an owl, like a night owl.

This is not an owl.

This guy's just scared of everything.

Ooh, ah!

Oh boy.

Hi, ah.

[air whooshes] So this,

this is some old timey character design.

Just the face alone.

Ha, it's hi.

Oh boy, I kinda--

I mean I would literally go somewhere in between

like a Mickey Mouse and a Goofy.

You know because Mickey's got that high voice

and [chuckles] good ole Goofy's got that sort of thing

but I would make him a lot more sophisticated.

Every time I get excited I sweat profusely,

as you can see coming off my head.

Wow!

Dogs, they just always have that look on their face.

What do you want me to do?

I don't know what to do.

You want me to sit?

Okay, I'll sit.

Ah, hi, how are you?

But you could make him a little more masculine than that.

So he got it, too.

Hi everybody.

Almost sounds like my old manager.

See, and this is the thing, I could do an impression

of my old manager right.

His name is Barry Katz, man, he's unbelievable.

He's managed so many comedians.

John DiMaggio, you're on fire.

I could make him sound like Barry Katz if I wanted to.

And that's the thing.

You can do an impression of someone,

change it just a little bit.

And a bad impression is a good voice, actually.

[air whooshes]

This guy does not give a [pop].

He doesn't care.

Look at that.

Oh, I love his mole.

Look at that thing on his forehead.

That is growth city.

Well, you know, the first thing you gotta age him up,

so you put him up there.

He's got a cane so he's gonna have a little trouble

walking around but he's got a heavy as hell disposition.

Boy, he's happy to be here.

I'm happy to be alive all this time, for crying out loud.

I went to the barber's today and they cut out my nose hairs.

It was a good time.

Oh boy, I like my guy Mario.

Hey, I been with him for 62 years.

He's as old as I am.

Sometimes I trim out his nose hairs. [laughs]

Ha ha, purple kitty cat.

I mean, wow.

I would just put him somewhere in here.

Hi everybody, I love being a cat.

Oh boy, does anybody have any [pants] treats for me?

Yeah, I'd put him up there.

It's totally not in my wheelhouse, admittedly,

and I don't get called in for characters like this.

Here's an idea.

This cat is around kids all the time

and is a real fun cat.

Hi, I'm Purple Puss.

That's me, I'm Purple Puss.

Hey, everybody.

Well, that's the end of the show for you guys.

I'll see you later.

And then like goes behind the curtain and it's just like,

Ah man, I tell ya, these kids.

I can't take it anymore.

I can't do it, I just can't do it.

I can't do it.

The one of 'em wiped a booger on me.

I sit there and I do the thing and it's no.

There's too many boogers.

Too many boogers and I'm not getting paid enough.

[air whooshes]

Okay, now this thing I'd have no idea

what this guy sounds like but I tell you what,

let me give it a shot.

He's got some sort of thing.

You can see that his mouth is quite wide.

So maybe he's got some sort of a voice

that comes across as ethereal

and is grand.

I would like to take you on my ship

where I will probe you. [laughs]

The probing will continue on the ship.

Don't worry, I have snacks.

Weird.

[air whooshes] Yeah.

He looks like some kind of a big ole crazy biker,

ha yeah, come on.

I wanna give it to you like that. [laughs]

Yeah.

He's gotta have a voice that kinda carries

over the sound of the bike, you know.

Yeah, I'm one of those guys and he just [yells].

And he, wow.

Look at him, I'm quite huge suit. [laughs]

Look at me.

I need a razor. [laughs]

I can't get a date 'cause my shoulders are hairy. [laughs]

Yeah, that's true.

Women don't like that.

Definitely go with something really loud

and yeah, come on, yeah!

I mean and if you wanted to you get a little--

I mean this is him quiet, you know. [laughs]

Maybe my bike is idling right now, [laughs]

but when I'm riding, boy, oh yeah!

I can feel the wind blowing through my shoulder hair.

Gross.

[air whooshes]

[John yells]

Hey everybody.

This is like a kind of guy that's got a loose mouth

and he's got his tongue hanging out, and wee!

He's just really excited. [yells]

And then, again, the cross eyes kinda seem

like he's a little dopier than most

but the tongue hanging out especially

and the mouth being that wide.

[yells] Lotta cheeks, put a lotta cheeks in it, you know.

Bleh.

There's sort of everything [yells].

Try to put your tongue out every time you say something.

You could vary the pitch of it.

You could not make him as dopey and you could

give him sort of an impediment.

Sort of like a lisp.

Sort of this sort of thing,

like kind of a Wallace Shawn sort of thing

where he's, "Hey, wow, this is really something. [laughs]

"And boy, I'm telling you. [chuckles]

"It's so great to see you, boy, I tell ya."

[air whooshes]

So that's it for improvising new cartoon voices.

I'm John DiMaggio.

I hope you maybe learned something.

I hope you at least enjoyed it.

And good luck with trying to improvise your own voices