I'm a big fan of your work.

我是你的忠實粉絲。

I love I love your I've listened actually too many of your hilarious monologues.

我愛我愛你的我聽過其實太多你的搞笑獨白。

I've listened to them.

我聽過他們的歌

I've downloaded them and listened to them.

我已經下載了它們，聽了它們。

You've got a new album out.

你出了一張新專輯

It's called Four More Sweaters.

它的名字叫《四件多毛衣》。

Monsters.

怪獸。

Take your questions.

帶上你的問題。

Yes, I mean, what is the premise of this comedy album?

是的，我是說，這張喜劇專輯的前提是什麼？

Well, I took a four of the characters that I dio and I did them on stage at the UCB Theater, and each have, like, a six or seven minute monologue.

好吧，我拿了四個角色，我dio 我做了他們在舞臺上的UCB劇院， 和每個人都有一樣，六七分鐘的獨白。

And then I turned on the house lights and throw open the floor to questions as the character as a character.

然後我打開屋裡的燈，扔開地板上的問題，作為一個人物的角色。

Yeah, improvised the answers.

是啊，即興發揮了答案。

Now, which characters you doing on the album?

現在，你在專輯裡做了哪些角色？

Are you doing a chip Gardner Chip Gardner is one.

你在做一個芯片加德納芯片加德納是一個。

Yes, Chip Gardner is like he's an old game show host from the eighties or so, whose face has been terribly disfigured in a botched suicide attempt.

是的，奇普-加德納就像是八十年代左右的老遊戲節目主持人，他的臉在一次拙劣的自殺企圖中被嚴重毀容了。

And he's running for he's running for honorary mayor of Hollywood, a position which has been left vacant for nine years already.

而他正在競選... ...他正在競選好萊塢的名譽市長，這個位置已經空缺了9年了。

And he's, uh, he's also in about Satan ists, and so one of his promises, if you vote for him is to bring Satan's kingdom to earth.

而他，呃，他也在關於撒旦， 所以他的一個承諾，如果你投票給他 是把撒旦的王國帶到地球上。

He really believes that Satan will rise from a lake of fire in rain, chaos and destruction upon the world.

他真的相信撒旦會從火湖中冒出雨來，給世界帶來混亂和毀滅。

And I'll be ruling at his side when that happens.

到時候我會在他身邊裁決。

Okay, he says it all with this nice sort of announcer's voice.

好吧，他用這種好聽的播音員的聲音說出來。

He and and he wants to be the mayor of Hollywood.

他和他想成為好萊塢的市長。

Yes, the honorary mayor of Hollywood Position, appointed by the Chamber of Commerce.

是的，好萊塢名譽市長的位置，由商會任命。

Just write him a letter and let them know Chip gardeners, your man for honorary mayor of Hollywood, this Chip Gardner have any real talent?

就給他寫封信，讓他們知道奇普園丁，你的好萊塢名譽市長人選，這個奇普園丁有什麼真本事嗎？

Did your hearing it right here?

你聽到的是這裡嗎？

He's got pretty good enunciation, and, uh, that's about that's about it for talents.

他有很好的發音，而且，呃，這就是... ...這就是它的天賦。

Eso He's one of the characters.

埃索他是其中一個角色。

Another character of yours is, uh, Don de Mello tell us about Don D'Mello.

你的另一個角色是，呃，唐-德-梅洛... ...告訴我們關於唐-德-梅洛的事。

Well, Don de Mello is a theatrical director.

嗯，唐-德-梅洛是個戲劇導演。

He is the director of the Radio City Music Hall Christmas Spectacular, and he spends a lot of time working on the rockets.

他是無線電城音樂廳聖誕盛典的導演，他花了很多時間在火箭上工作。

That's the part of the show that young is very intimately involved with the rockets.

這也是節目中，年輕與火箭非常親密的部分。

If you become if you get him hooked on heroin they'll do anything you tell them to dio.

如果你讓他迷上了海洛因，他們就會聽從你的指揮。

You make sure they're all the exact same heights with the same smile, and they're kicking the legs up in a perfect time.

你要確保他們的高度都是一模一樣的，笑容也是一模一樣的，他們踢腿的時間也是一模一樣的。

So he's an old creep who wants to work intimately with the rock cats.

所以他是一個想和巖貓親密合作的老變態。

Yes, that part of the show is just for Daddy.

是的，這部分的節目只是為了爸爸。

Where did that character come from?

這個角色是怎麼來的？

I saw the show that Radio City, you know, it's all for kids.

我看到電臺城的節目，你知道，這都是給孩子看的。

It's got Santa Claus.

它有聖誕老人。

It's fully a Children show.

這完全是一個兒童節目。

And then all of a sudden, in the middle of it, outcomes this throwback to the Ziegfeld Follies leggy can can dancers And it just seems I liken odd combo.

然後突然間，在它的中間，結果這個回溯到齊格飛歌舞劇腿部可以可以舞者，它只是似乎我喜歡奇怪的組合。

I just thought, Yeah, that's I think that's in there for Daddy on.

我只是想，是的，那是我想那是在那裡為爸爸上。

There's gotta be a guy behind the scenes going faster, higher, more smiles s and the Rockets are saying, Why are we in this?

一定有一個人在幕後做著更快、更高、更多的微笑，而火箭隊卻在說，我們為什麼會這樣？

This is for like four and five year olds.

這對於像四五歲的孩子來說。

You'll do it.

你會做到的

You told Yeah, Uh, no more candy.

你告訴是的，呃，沒有更多的糖果。

One of your very popular characters that you featured on our show several times is Dalton Wilcox, who's a cowboy.

你的一個非常受歡迎的角色，你在我們的節目中的功能幾次是道爾頓-威爾科克斯，誰是一個牛仔。

He's a cowboy, but there's a twist, as there always is.

他是個牛仔，但有一個轉折，因為總是有。

with your characters.

與你的角色。

I'll put on my my cowboy hat to be don't Wilcox.

我會戴上我的牛仔帽去做一個不一樣的Wilcox.

And I also feel like this character needs a mustache.

而且我還覺得這個角色需要留鬍子。

Oh, dear.

哦，親愛的。

But I don't have, uh I don't have glue for it.

但我沒有，呃，我沒有膠水。

So if you don't mind, I'm just gonna hold this mustache in place.

所以，如果你不介意，我只是要去 保持這個鬍子的地方。

We're all doing what we can during covitz, so it's a difficult time.

我們都是在covitz期間做我們能做的事情，所以這是一個困難的時期。

But, you know, a lot of cowboys will do this.

但是，你知道，很多牛仔會這樣做。

A lot of cowboys will just hold no cowboys walk around holding their mustache.

很多牛仔只會拿著沒有牛仔拿著鬍子走來走去。

No, you're wrong about that code, and a lot of cowboys have to hold.

不，你錯了，這個密碼，很多牛仔都要持有。

Their mustache is in place out there on the plains where the winds are whipping up.

他們的鬍子在外面風起雲湧的平原上就位。

It's hard to keep a mustache down.

要想留住鬍子是很難的。

Conan, the facts.

柯南，事實。

Are you saying, Mr Wilcox, that Sam Elliott, the famous with his famous mustache, has to be holding it on all the time?

你是說,威爾科克斯先生,山姆-埃利奧特,那個留著大鬍子的名人,必須一直留著鬍子?

Absolutely.

絕對的

They say 3 to 1 take and he puts his fingers away.

他們說三比一拿，他就把手指收起來。

But they called fingers back up there.

但他們叫手指回到那裡。

He's got a hold that mustache on.

他的鬍子還留著呢。

It won't stay there, but for a few minutes.

它不會停留在那裡，但幾分鐘。

Uh huh.

嗯哼。

Yeah, well, I am adult Wilcox.

是啊，我是成年的Wilcox。

I am the poet laureate of the West.

我是西方的桂冠詩人。

And, uh, in addition, he's like, I'm a cowboy poet.

而且，呃，另外，他就像，我是一個牛仔詩人。

You understand?

你明白嗎？

A real cowboy.

一個真正的牛仔。

Understand?

明白了嗎？

Riel?

瑞爾？

American West.

美國西部。

Not that bullshit West you're living in out there in California.

不是你住在加州的那個狗屁西部。

I'm talking about the real West.

我說的是真正的西部。

Really West Ridge, the rial American West.

真的西嶺，rial美國西部。

And in addition to being our nation's foremost collector and chronicler of the wit, the wisdom of the West, I am also very, unfortunately, plagued by vampires.

而我除了是我們國家最重要的機智、西方智慧的收集者和記錄者之外，還非常不幸地被吸血鬼所困擾。

Okay, this is the part I wanted to get to Dalton Wilcox.

好吧，這就是我想說的道爾頓-威爾庫克斯的部分。

Very great.

非常好

A poet of the High Plains.

一個高原的詩人。

Ah, wonderful cowboy character.

啊，精彩的牛仔角色。

But he's obsessed with vampires, and he thinks that vampires air after him all the time.

但他對吸血鬼很著迷，他認為吸血鬼一直在追殺他。

Well, I'd say they're obsessed with May Cone and I can't go anywhere but the vampire doesn't come up and try and kill Mitt.

好吧，我想說的是，他們對梅-康恩很著迷，我哪兒也去不了，但吸血鬼不會上來就想殺米特。

I'll give you an example.

我給你舉個例子。

Uh, just just the other day, I parked my truck in a parking meter and I put a couple of nickels in there and I went about my business.

呃，就在前幾天，我把我的卡車停在一個停車計時器裡 我放了幾個硬幣在裡面，然後我就去做我的事了。

And then when I came back, some fellow was putting the ticket on the windshield.

然後當我回來的時候，有些人把票貼在擋風玻璃上。

That happens, marks right up to that son of a gun.

這種情況發生，標誌著對那個兒子的槍。

And I says, Hey, are you a damn vampire?

我說，嘿，你是個該死的吸血鬼嗎？

And he basically said that He waas I knew it.

他基本上說，他是我知道的。

I knew the second I saw.

我一看到就知道了。

Did he say he was a vampire?

他說他是吸血鬼嗎？

Well, he said, Vampire, what are you talking about?

他說，吸血鬼，你在說什麼？

And that's what they all say, Conan.

他們都這麼說，柯南。

Chapter and verse.

章節。

That's what that's what a vampire always says when you ask him point blank.

當你問他的時候，吸血鬼總是這樣說的。

If he's a vampire, he says, Oh, that's what a traffic cop says.

如果他是吸血鬼，他就會說，哦，那是交通警察說的。

Who's giving tickets?

誰在送票？

It was writing a ticket, if you ask him.

如果你問他，那就是寫票。

Are you a vampire?

你是吸血鬼嗎？

He says, No, I'm not a vampire.

他說，不，我不是吸血鬼。

I've never run into a traffic cop Corn, and I'll just run into lots of vampires out there.

我從來沒有碰到過交警玉米，我只會在外面碰到很多吸血鬼。

Tickets on my windshield.

擋風玻璃上的車票。

Anyway, I got struck him in the heart with a stake of Wood Conan.

總之，我用木柯南的木樁擊中了他的心臟。

Okay, No, but he didn't have time to read the ticket.

好吧，不，但他沒時間看票。

Do I have to pay that ticket?

我必須支付那張票嗎？

Do you know if I have to pay the ticket?

你知道我是否需要支付票款嗎？

If I killed the man who wrote it?

如果我殺了寫這封信的人？

Yes, you dio you have to still pay the ticket.

是的，你迪奧你還得付票。

That that that ain't right.

這是不對的

Yeah.

是啊。

Okay, let's move on.

好吧，我們繼續。

I have a question for Andy daily.

我每天都有一個問題要問安迪。

If you still around Uh oh.

如果你還在的話...

In there.

在那裡。

Andy.

安迪

I'm here.

我在這裡。

Andy.

安迪

Um, I'm just curious grills.

嗯，我只是好奇燒烤。

When you look at this kid, you have no idea that all that sicknesses inside him.

當你看到這個孩子的時候，你根本不知道他內心的那些病痛。

Oh, did you know that he looks such like such a sweet kid and a tie aside, There's no sign of evil or problems.

哦，你知道嗎，他看起來就像一個如此可愛的孩子，除了領帶，沒有任何邪惡或問題的跡象。

I don't know.

我不知道。

I was going for Bono, Joshua Tree at the time.

我當時要去博野、約書亞樹。

And to this day, I still don't know how I went wrong.

而到現在，我還是不知道自己是怎麼走錯的。