I had when I went to Japan. And it's about the phrase "shouganai" or "shikataganai."

And this translates in English to the phrase, "It can't be helped." And it's used in the

context of something like... Let's say it's raining outside and you forgot your umbrella.

You say, "Shouganai. Ah well. It can't be helped. Whatever. I forgot my umbrella so

I'll just have to deal with it." And the first time I went to Japan, I heard

this all of the time. I stayed in an international dorm with other international students and

we had Japanese Resident Assistants, or RAs. And their jobs were VERY strict. They had

very strict rules. Like they couldn't go hang out with their friends, they couldn't spend

the night anywhere else except for the dorm, they had to be at the dorm almost all of the

hours of the day that they weren't in class or doing like absolutely necessary shopping.

They had to help the students with their homework, and help them buy things, and any other problems

that came up, so they were extremely busy. And I knew one RA who spent so much time helping

the students that they got almost no sleep at all and their grades plummeted because

they didn't have time to do their own homework or to study for their own classes.

And I would get so frustrated for them. I would be like, "Tell the students sometimes,

'No, you can't help them. You need to focus on your own work sometimes.' You have to take

care of yourself, too." And they would just be like, "Shouganai." I picked this job. That's

just the way it is and those are the rules." And there were other cases where some international

students would accidentally break the RA's stuff, and the RA's would be like, "Shouganai."

And I'd be like, "NO!! Go find the person who did that and get them to pay for it!!

They have to pay for it if they broke it! You can't just like let them get away with

it!" It drove me crazy that they would say "Shouganai"

for all of these things that I felt like they needed to fight for. And I think that's because

in our culture in America, we're raised with an extremely strong sense of justice. Like

good versus evil, and people are right or wrong. And the wrong people—they have to

pay! No matter what, they have to pay! And I may have a stronger sense of justice than

most people so maybe I'm even a little farther than a lot of American people. But this is

what we grew up with. If something happens to you and you tell your friends, your friends

are going to tell you like, "Don't stand for that! Go talk to the manager! Go write a letter!"

or something. And that's probably why we have such a strong suing culture in America, because

people feel like they need to be vindicated when something happens to them.

And it drove me crazy in Japan because it seemed like people just let things go and

they didn't stand up for themselves. If you had asked me when I studied abroad in Japan

what I disliked about Japan the most, I definitely would have said, "Shouganai." I absolutely

hated that phrase. And it wasn't until I moved back home to America...

Because Jun and I had started dating and gotten engaged and we knew that I had signed a contract

with my job before I ever even met Jun and it could be four years until we could be together.

And actually as of a couple days ago it HAS been four years and we're still not together.

There were a couple opportunities with my job where I could potentially move to Japan.

And I put all of my effort into making sure I was absolutely the best candidate for the

Japan jobs. And I worked for this for years. I planned for years and did absolutely everything

I could to get to Japan so Jun and I could be together sooner.

And every single time that benchmark came where I could have gone to Japan, I failed.

And it wasn't just failing to get to Japan to be with Jun, but all sorts of other things

would happen at the same time. Like you guys know, my stuff got shipped to Korea and I

haven't seen like half of the stuff I own in a year and a half or something. It's been

a really long time. And I had the heart problem. Woo! Suddenly rare heart condition! pops up.

And there would be problems with like my taxes, and problems with appointments, and problems

with my car. It would just all come at the same time. And it was too much to handle.

It's devastating. No one can handle that much stuff at once without kind of breaking down

a little bit and going crazy. And it was around that time when I started

to rethink what "shouganai" actually means. And I started to think, maybe "shouganai"

doesn't mean you're weak or you won't stand up for yourself. But maybe it's actually a

healthy mindset to have when bad things happen to you. If you can just accept the things

that happen to you without getting stressed out or freaking out about them, and you can

say, "All right! Whatever. So I had an appointment and you rescheduled it for this morning without

telling me and I missed it and now I'm in trouble. Okay, well-shouganai. Whatever. That's

not my fault. So I'll just have to reschedule my appointment, I guess.

And I actually came to rely on that sort of attitude a lot when all of this stuff would

happen to me. I wouldn't say it's one of the main things that has helped me get through,

but I would say it has played its fair role. So I really have come to have a different

understanding of "shouganai," I think. I think it can actually be a good thing for people.

I'm curious about you guys and your experiences in Japan. Have you ever heard Japanese people

use "shouganai" or "shikata ga nai" in absolutely awful situations where you're like, "No! Don't

do that! Just stand up for yourself! Do something about it!" Or are you more of the type of

person who leans toward "shouganai" and you understand that, and that's kind of your attitude

about things? I'm curious where all of you stand because I've changed completely about

it in the past four years. So, thanks for watching, guys, and I'll see you next time!