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  • - You know what you are?

  • You remind me of the wizard of loneliness,

  • 'cause you you're own self, your own wizard.

  • That's what you are.

  • (Brian laughs)

  • Look at you in a (beep) pink shirt and everything else.

  • Oh, you're killing me.

  • You have no friends,

  • that's why you're the wizard of loneliness.

  • - [Nathan] This is Nathan For You.

  • Brian Wolfe claims to be the best private investigator

  • in the Los Angeles area.

  • - You know what I mean?

  • You keep people happy, they're gonna come back.

  • - I'd love to take him at his word,

  • but when I looked him up on Yelp he had zero reviews,

  • and that's not good.

  • So I paid him a visit

  • with a plan to change that.

  • When did you first know that you liked to snoop?

  • (Brian laughs)

  • - Snoop.

  • No, it's not really snooping.

  • It's not, you know what I mean?

  • It's observing.

  • We call it observing.

  • - Well, here's the thing,

  • I looked you up on Yelp and you have zero reviews.

  • - Zero reviews?

  • Well, what a name, Yelp.

  • - Yelp's a website where people--

  • - You look me up on Google,

  • look up Wolfe Investigations.

  • - What about Yelp?

  • - Okay, you keep on going on about Yelp.

  • Why do I care about Yelp?

  • Seriously, now let's think about this for one second, okay?

  • Been in business for 24 years.

  • Why do I care if Yelp has a review about me?

  • Do you think I really care about Yelp?

  • I don't give a (beep) about Yelp.

  • - [Nathan] The plan: give Wolfe's investigations

  • their first five star Yelp review.

  • - You're (beep) kidding me.

  • - Are you done having your tantrum?

  • - I'm sitting down.

  • I'm relaxed.

  • - Just listen.

  • I can't just give you a review

  • without knowing how good you are.

  • - Okay.

  • - So I'm gonna hire you to track a person.

  • - [Brian] Okay.

  • - I'm gonna give you 24 hours to track my whereabouts,

  • and if you do a good job at that

  • I'll give you a five star review.

  • - Easy.

  • - Easy? - Easy.

  • - All right. - Okay.

  • - Ready? - Ready.

  • - Set.

  • - Go.

  • - Give me a chance to get a little bit of a head start.

  • - Okay.

  • It's too much.

  • - A classic game of cat and mouse.

  • If Brian was as good as he says he is,

  • he was probably two steps ahead of me already,

  • but luckily I had a plan.

  • If Brian wanted a good review from me

  • it wasn't gonna be easy.

  • It's one thing for Brian to track one of me,

  • but let's see how he does with nine of me.

  • Prior to visiting Brian

  • I hired eight actors that looked identical to me

  • and had them ready and waiting

  • in a nearby hotel room to be my decoys.

  • You guys have one job,

  • which is to be me, right?

  • So look how I'm standing, look at my posture,

  • listen to how I'm talking.

  • You got that?

  • - Got it. - Got it.

  • - I have a bit of a jaw thing,

  • so sometimes I'll go like this to my jaw.

  • If Brian was watching the hotel,

  • this was my first chance to throw him off.

  • But I knew whether he was there or not

  • the next place he'd look is my house.

  • - My understanding is that Nathan's at home,

  • so that's where we're heading right now.

  • - So I got the best body double back at the hotel

  • to prepare him to go to my home as me.

  • So when you're there, you know,

  • you need to be like me.

  • - Okay.

  • - So there's a bunch of dishes in the sink,

  • so you can do those.

  • There's also laundry, so you could do that,

  • and the house needs to be vacuumed.

  • - So you want me to clean your house?

  • - Yes, stuff that would look like you're me.

  • - Okay.

  • - I gave him my keys and my address,

  • but now I needed his.

  • If I'm me, then who's you, right?

  • So I got to be you while you're being me.

  • - You want my keys? - Yeah.

  • If you think I'm being unreasonable,

  • keep in mind that Brian is a professional PI

  • and he'd be able to sniff out

  • any inconsistencies in my plan.

  • Do you have a girlfriend?

  • - I have a fiancee, yeah.

  • - A fiancee? - Mm-hm.

  • - What's her number?

  • I need to be you if you're me,

  • or else it won't make any sense.

  • - You want her number, really?

  • - Yeah.

  • Caitlin it was? - Yeah.

  • - When's the wedding date?

  • - Next year.

  • We still got to lock down a date.

  • - You don't have a date yet?

  • - No.

  • - Okay, maybe I'll figure that out with her.

  • - You do that.

  • - [Nathan] With Dan's willingness to include his fiancee

  • in the operation the switch was in full effect.

  • Then, we left as discretely as possible

  • and got into each others' cars.

  • My initial hunch was right.

  • Brian was secretly watching my house

  • from an SVU across the street.

  • Hopefully my plan to get my double inside would work.

  • - This could be our subject right now.

  • Look at that, it's Nathan.

  • He's parked on the north side of the street.

  • Bingo.

  • Looks like he's carrying a case of beer

  • on his left shoulder.

  • Amazing.

  • Going to a party tonight.

  • He's walking to the residence right now

  • and now he's out of view.

  • Mission accomplished.

  • - The beer on shoulder trick actually fooled Brian,

  • but at the time I didn't know that,

  • so I headed to Dan's house

  • and on my way I made a quick start.

  • Hi.

  • Do you sell any condoms at all?

  • - Yes.

  • - I didn't know what was gonna happen

  • once I got to Dan's house.

  • Do you have anything that's smaller?

  • But I wanted to be prepared for everything.

  • This is the smallest?

  • But when I arrived my plan immediately started to crumble.

  • - Hey.

  • - Hi. - Hi.

  • He left me a message that someone was coming over,

  • but I wasn't expecting all this.

  • Babe, so this guy showed up

  • and he keeps calling himself Dan,

  • and he brought me flowers and some malbec.

  • - [Nathan] Dan's fiancee was creeped out by me

  • and I didn't know what to do.

  • - I mean, I'd feel better if you, you know, left,

  • and when Dan gets back you can come back.

  • - [Nathan] My whole plan was falling apart.

  • I was tired

  • and I had nothing left to do but give up.

  • (tapping on window)

  • - Nathan. - Hey.

  • - How you doing?

  • - All right, I give up, you got me.

  • You're playing mind games.

  • I can't keep up.

  • - You're an easy prey, kid.

  • - Well, you're a pro, so what can I say?

  • - Thank you.

  • - Do you want to go grab a beer or something?

  • I know a great place down the block.

  • - Let's do it.

  • Jump in. - You want to?

  • - Yeah, let's go. - I can get in?

  • - Come on. - Okay.

  • - Who the (beep) are you?

  • - What? - You heard what I said.

  • Who the (beep) are you?

  • - I'm Nathan. - You're not Nathan.

  • - I just talked to you three seconds ago.

  • - You know, enough shenanigans.

  • Get the (beep) out of my truck now.

  • - [Nathan] I learned an important lesson that day.

  • That no matter where I was

  • or how long I stayed in one place.

  • - What are (beep)?

  • Get out!

  • - I'd always be running.

  • I'd always have no home while Brian hunted me down.

  • But the most important thing I learned of all

  • is that Brian S. Wolfe is an amazing private investigator.

  • Four stars.

  • He's a little talkative,

  • so that's where he lost the one star.

  • Nathan F.

  • That's your review.

  • - You know what?

  • That's your opinion.

  • Typically I get five stars.

  • - Typically you have no reviews.

  • - I don't give a flying (beep) about Yelp, okay?

  • I ought to do a background check on you,

  • see what type of fella you are.

  • You know what you are?

  • You remind me of the wizard of loneliness,

  • 'cause you you're own self, your own wizard.

  • That's what you are.

  • (Brian laughs)

  • Look at you in a (beep) pink shirt and everything else.

  • Oh, you're killing me.

  • You have no friends,

  • that's why you're the wizard of loneliness.

  • - You know, I haven't been to Boston

  • but from talking to you I can tell it's an awesome place.

  • - Boston's a great city.

  • - Boston, city of a million bullies.

  • - Not a bully at all, no.

  • - Bully. - No, I'm no bully.

  • Not a bully, no.

  • - Sorry I'm not more like your buddies.

  • - No, no.

  • It's not like that at all.

  • - Yeah, I know how it is for them Boston guys.

  • - I don't even think you could drink three beers.

  • - Oh, I could drink beers.

  • I chug 'em back like them do at the (mumbles).

  • - Oh, that's so funny.

  • - I drink beers like there's no other.

  • Like there's no more, I just keep drinking them.

  • - Anything else?

  • - Would you want to hang out on Saturday night?

  • - No, it's not gonna happen.

  • - Why?

  • - I have plans. - You have plans?

  • - I do. - On Saturday?

  • - I do.

  • - What are the plans?

  • - Taking my girl out to dinner.

  • - [Nathan] You're going out to dinner with your girl?

  • - Yes.

  • - All right.

  • But there was something in Brian's tone

  • that just didn't seem right to me,

  • so I hired a second private investigator to spy on Brian

  • to see if he really went out with his girl.

  • And if it's open he's definitely home?

  • - Exactly.

  • I never saw him leave at all, period.

  • - [Nathan] 'Cause he told me he was going out

  • with his girl that night.

  • - Ah, interesting.

  • You don't look too happy.

  • - No, I'm just surprised he lied to me.

  • Last season on my show I helped a private investigator

  • named Brian Wolfe, who wasn't too fond

  • of my natural personality.

  • - With a (beep) pink shirt and everything else.

  • Oh, you're killing me.

  • - But now, thanks to the advice

  • of a diverse focus group,

  • I was able to transform into a more likable person.

  • So, for my final test,

  • I visited Brian at his home

  • to see what he thought of the new me.

  • So, I've come a long way so far thanks to you.

  • So, before I go in tonight to talk to Brian,

  • I just wanted to know do I look okay?

  • - You look good.

  • You're dressed, again, it fits you perfect,

  • the V-neck and the blazer.

  • - This is good?

  • - Yeah, it fits you, it fits you.

  • - Okay, so this is me.

  • - This is you.

  • Be proud of who you are.

  • - With those encouraging words,

  • I marched into Brian's house

  • to see if my new personality would win him over.

  • Brian.

  • - Nathan.

  • How you doing?

  • How you been?

  • - I want to tell you something, Brian.

  • Last time I was here I was a little nervous.

  • - Okay.

  • - And I wasn't really being myself.

  • So I thought we could do this again,

  • and this time you can get to know the real me.

  • - Look at you.

  • You're still a goober, but that's just you,

  • you know what I mean?

  • - What are you talking about, goober?

  • What's that mean?

  • - Goober just means like a dork, a nerd.

  • - I'm a nerd?

  • - You know you're a nerd.

  • You've been a nerd your entire life.

  • There's nothing wrong with being a (beep) nerd.

  • You're a nerd.

  • - I'm not a nerd.

  • - All right, well, you know, that's my opinion.

  • Seriously, if I threw a football at you right now

  • you think you can catch it?

  • - I can catch the football.

  • - You can catch a football? - Yeah.

  • - I doubt it.

  • I doubt you can catch a football.

  • - [Nathan] Brian still didn't like me,

  • and after all the work I had done I didn't know why.

  • - Don't be sad.

  • It's okay.

  • - [Nathan] Then, when I returned to the truck,

  • I was shocked to discover

  • that the group was trying to distance themselves

  • from their own suggestions.

  • - It's too low.

  • The V-neck is just too low.

  • - Why didn't you speak up before?

  • I asked before I went in if this was good.

  • - I didn't know it was gonna be that low, man.

  • - What do you mean?

  • You didn't like the V-neck?

  • - Not that low.

  • - I asked you guys before I went in,

  • "What do you think of this look?"

  • - V-neck is this, not here.

  • - You guys said you liked the look.

  • - It fits you perfectly, V-neck and the blazer.

  • - That's when I realized there was a major flaw

  • with my entire experiment.

  • This new personality was based on the judgment

  • of four people who had agreed

  • to work out of the back of a moving box truck.

  • Of course it was flawed.

  • In the end, maybe there was nothing I could do

  • to become the guy that everyone loves,

  • but for a brief moment in time

  • it felt nice thinking that I had a chance.

  • Can I get a little rubby dub dub?

  • (group laughing)

  • - Good one, good one, good one.

  • - All right.

  • I want you to help me keep tabs

  • on a fitness model that I'm working with.

  • - Okay.

  • Male or female?

  • - Male.

  • - [Brian] Male, okay.

  • - [Nathan] I wanted to stay on task,

  • but the conversation get sidetracked

  • as Brian started bragging that he too was a model

  • who had appeared in a couple of magazines in the '80s.

  • - And then all of a sudden

  • it just went from that magazine to that magazine.

  • - What magazine? - It was Penthouse magazine.

  • - Oh, Penthouse, sorry.

  • - Years ago.

  • Years, years, years ago.

  • - Penthouse is porn.

  • - It's not.

  • All they're doing is taking photos of you.

  • That's it.

  • You know, you're with a gorgeous woman--

  • - So you're fully nude in it?

  • - No.

  • Can't really see much.

  • - But you're penetrating?

  • - Penetrating.

  • You can't see.

  • - That's porn, right? - No it's not.

  • Not even close to being porn.

  • No.

  • All it is is just being a male model

  • and taking photographs of you with another woman.

  • Very tasteful.

  • Very professional.

  • - But your penis was erect?

  • - Yeah, of course it was.

  • When you got a nice looking girl--

  • - And you're naked?

  • - And you're naked, yeah.

  • - But what do you call that?

  • - [Brian] What do you mean what do you call that?

  • - That type of modeling.

  • - Um...

  • Entertainment, you know?

  • Adult entertainment modeling.

  • - Okay.

  • Once Brian was finished bragging

  • I filled him in on my suspicions about Jack.

  • He says he works out every day,

  • so if he's going to the gym--

  • - Obviously he has to work out to get that kind of body.

  • - [Nathan] Brian agreed that something wasn't adding up

  • and recommended a covert surveillance,

  • so early the next morning he picked me up

  • in a Best Buy Parking lot.

  • - Let's do it.

  • - [Nathan] And we headed to the neighborhood

  • where Jack lives,

  • parking just down the street from his home.

  • - We just sit here and wait.

  • That's what we do.

  • - After two hours of waiting

  • Jack still hadn't emerged,

  • but I was determined to stick this out as long as it takes.

  • It's a woman.

  • - Yep.

  • It's not porn.

  • - Penthouse?

  • - No, it's not porn.

  • - I think it is porn.

  • - Porn is when you're having intercourse or fellatio,

  • one of the two.

  • - But you were with a woman.

  • - Yes.

  • - And so that means you did porn.

  • - No penetration.

  • I just wish I waited a little bit longer

  • till the kids got a little bit older.

  • - Why?

  • - 'Cause divorces...

  • 'Cause the kids were young,

  • and one was out of high school and going to college

  • and the other two were in high school.

  • I just wish the little one was out of high school.

  • Some people, you know, don't want to wait it out

  • 'cause they figure, you know,

  • they're wasting five years of their own life,

  • I need to get out.

  • We do too much for our children.

  • - [Nathan] After five hours of waiting

  • I was about ready to give up,

  • but then Jack finally emerged.

  • That's him.

  • - Let's go.

  • Put your glasses on.

  • Okay, let's do it.

  • We're on a code five right now.

  • It's called a code five, mobile surveillance.

  • There he is, okay.

  • - Right turn. - I see him.

  • Good job.

  • Lone Hill Ave.

  • - [Nathan] After making a quick stop at a drugstore

  • I was hopeful he would just be heading back home,

  • but unfortunately Jack had something else in mind.

  • - This is where he's going.

  • - Wait, wait, wait.

  • - [Brian] Crunch Fitness.

  • - [Nathan] This wasn't good.

  • Clearly Jack wasn't taking our business arrangement

  • as seriously as I had hoped.

  • - The guy lied to you.

  • He has no respect for you.

  • None.

  • - I just pulled up the dictionary definition of pornography.

  • Printed or visual material

  • containing the explicit description

  • or display of sexual organs or activity.

  • - You just googled this, right?

  • - Yeah, that's the dictionary definition.

  • - Printed or visual.

  • Okay, it was printed for sure.

  • No wonder why my parents were (beep) so mad at me.

  • - [Nathan] So, recently I did some PI work of my own

  • and discovered that Brian's portfolio

  • extended far beyond just Penthouse.

  • Going under the stage name Korey Wolfe,

  • Brian had been a full blown porn star,

  • featured in centerfolds and on the covers

  • of the nation's top smut magazines.

  • There were images that literally took my breath away.

  • It wasn't easy tracking this stuff down,

  • and I thought that Brian might be impressed

  • that I managed to recover the evidence of his modeling days,

  • so I paid him a visit to show him what I found.

  • - What year is this?

  • '84? - Mm-hm.

  • - Mm-hm.

  • - [Nathan] At first, Brian was a little hesitant

  • to admit that Korey Wolfe was him.

  • That's not you?

  • - No.

  • - You're saying Korey Wolfe is not you?

  • - No.

  • - [Nathan] But after getting over his initial shyness

  • Brian was happy to open up about his glory days.

  • - They don't want you erect, number one, okay?

  • They don't want it.

  • They want to show that when you're soft

  • you're still (beep) golden, pal.

  • - Why?

  • - Because they don't want to show it fully erect.

  • They want to say that when you pull your pants down

  • to go take a (beep) piss

  • you got some meat there between your legs, okay?

  • - So they want you to pose soft?

  • - They want you to pose medium.

  • - What's medium?

  • - They don't want you to be, um...

  • What was the word?

  • What did he say to me?

  • I said to him, I go...

  • He said, "No, Wolfe, you don't have to be (beep) erect.

  • "All they care about is that you have

  • "some strength in your penis."

  • Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

  • - [Nathan] But it wasn't only Brian's penis

  • that was soft that day.

  • A softer side of his personality seemed to emerge as well.

  • - Okay, let's go.

  • Come on.

  • - You want to throw that around with me?

  • - I'll throw you some rockets of death.

  • - You want to throw the football with me?

  • - If I threw a football at you right now

  • you think you can catch it?

  • - I can catch the football.

  • - [Brian] You can catch the football?

  • - Yeah.

  • - I doubt it.

  • I doubt you can catch a football.

  • - Okay.

  • - There you go.

  • You're good, you're good.

  • You're good to go.

  • Blue 27!

  • Blue 27!

  • Hut, hut.

  • Go.

  • Throw it off behind your ear, and boom.

  • Oh, yeah, you're doing it.

  • Here, okay, you ready?

  • It's like this, and then you run it.

  • There you go.

  • There you go.

- You know what you are?

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