(gentle music)

- Oh, what your drinking tastes like poop.

Oh, apple poop.

(Derek laughs)

(dramatic music)

- So what are you making?

What is your drink of choice this evening?

- The drink of choice for Amber Ruffin

this evening is a margarita,

but not just a margarita, a spicy margarita.

- Now, why do you go spicy on your margaritas?

- Thank you for asking, 'cause I felt like it.

(Derek laughs)

(burps) Hey everybody, I'm Amber Ruffin.

And I'm here to talk about The Little Rock Nine.

I can't reach you.

- I got you. - Oh, you got up.

- One more.

(Amber sings) One more, one more.

- Our stories starts in Arkansas,

Little Rock, to be specific.

It's 1957, the Supreme Court has just ruled

in the case of Brown Vs. The Board of Education

that separate is not equal.

So their local NAACP went out to the black community

and found nine kids to go to Central High School,

the premier high school in Little Rock, Arkansas.

So these kids are like, we are The Little Rock Nine.

We are fucking nine visions of black excellence.

We will go to school

and we'll change the world, it'll be great.

So then the governor of Arkansas, Orval Faubus,

finds out that these kids are planning to integrate.

And this bitch, Orval Fartbus,

(Derek laughs)

you can fart all you want it in a fart bus.

Anyway, Orval Fartbus was like,

hey, if these kids integrate,

the streets will run red with blood.

Orval Fartbus is a bitch. (laughs)

The kids show up to school

on September 4th, 1957, the first day of school.

The senior in the group of

The Little Rock Nine is Ernest Green.

And he is like, oh my gosh,

there is an ass load of angry white people.

This angry white mob was like, we don't like you.

You need to go away.

We are going to beat you up

and hang you from a tree (laughs).

This is not funny.

Meanwhile, on the other side of school, Elizabeth Eckford,

the ninth of The Little Rock Nine is like,

oh fuck, I'm here all by myself.

Oh my God, there's a huge mob of white people.

This is terrifying.

They're yelling and they have signs

and they're shouting shit.

And they are like, hey, you're white,

I mean, I'm white and you're Black.

So that means I don't like you.

So she gathers herself, and this girl is G'd up,

fucking face stone cold, and walking through these people

who wanna pick her up and break her in two,

just walking through like a G.

And she sees the Arkansas National Guard.

They must be here to help me, she thinks.

She quickens her pace and she goes,

hey, these white people trying to kill me, please save me.

And they like block her entrance.

They are letting other white students in.

She was like, what is the deal?

You are the National fucking Guard.

If anybody needs to be guarded, it's me here now.

So she leaves school.

She sits down at the bus stop.

And the white people are surrounding her,

and they're like, we don't like you, you are poopy.

She waits several minutes for the bus.

The bus pulls up and she's like,

thank God I can finally get out of here.

This isn't the last I will see of you,

but also, fucking fuck, can I just get a fucking education?

So that was the first attempt and they lost.

So attempt number two.

They regroup, they go at it again in a week.

They all got together this time.

And they all entered school

at the same place at the same time.

The Little Rock Police force escorts the children

into school and they say, hey, look,

let me catch you out on the street any other day,

and then who knows what, but today we'll take care of you.

They escort the children into school,

and they hold the line so that

the crazy angry white mob does not act a fool.

But the angry mob, they break through the police line

and goes into the school.

And they're like (screams) we hate Black people so much,

we're coming in this school to snatch you out.

So the cops are like, fuck.

So they get away in the nick of time,

because these people are so angry

that they like beat up cops and push them out of they way

so they could get it to these children, white people.

So they go to their houses.

These kids are now like, oh man,

there's nothing we can do.

I feel very discouraged.

All these white people are extra crazy, they're very mad.

Ernest Green turns to the group,

and he says, you know what?

We need to continue through to school

because all of these white people are going to

think we are to be fucked with.

We absolutely can't give up.

So ba pa da do!

That story of the crazy white people

of Little Rock, Arkansas finds its way to Eisenhower.

And he is like, the shit is fucking embarrassing.

These white people are fucking my shit up.

How dare these people think that they can

use mob mentality to overrule?

(laughs) I mean, none of these words

are words that have ever come out of my mouth, fuck.

So President Eisenhower says,

I'm gonna send in 1,000 troops from the 101st Airborne,

not a hundred of them, a hundred would have done it.

Not 200, not 300, but 1,000 of these people.

The Little Rock Nine arrive at school together.

And the 101st Airborne is there.

And they say, hey look,

we are going to take care of you today.

(car horn honks)

We're gonna take care of you today.

(car horn honks)

We're gonna take-- (car horn honks)

(laughs)

Beep, where were we?

Oh, okay, so they were like,

we're gonna take care of you today.

They escort the children into school.

They're holding back the crazy white people.

So The Little Rock Nine is like,

this is the shit, we did it!

We win everything, hurray for us.

So they go into school.

But once they get into school, they realize, oh shit,

now we have to deal with these children.

These white children are like,

ah-ha, you finally made it into school.

Now you belong to us.

We're gonna beat you up every chance we get.

She's like, why?

And they're like, we don't know exactly why we hate you.

We just know that it's something,

our parents have handed down to us.

And so we're just acting

in what we believe are their best interests.

And Elizabeth is like, well,

I don't know that that is their best interest.

Maybe if you just get along with me,

and they're like, no!

These children give

The Little Rock Nine hell for a whole year.

And these little babies are being the Blackadiest,

Black, Black that ever Blacked,

and it is blackening up my soul!

Okay, so Ernest Green graduated.

And he was like, oh, thank God.

These people almost killed me.

So Ernest Green walks across the stage, grabs his diploma,

looks out in the audience and sees Dr. Martin Luther King!

Ernest was like, oh my God,

that is Dr. Martin Luther The King!

He's like, these people almost killed me,

but I did it, isn't this crazy?

And then Dr. Martin Luther King is like,

well, there's nothing else you have to do

'cause you've already gone through it, good job.

Look at my nails, they're so beautiful!

Hi, hi, so pretty!

What was I talking about?

Oh okay, then the 40 year anniversary was in 1997.

Oprah Winfrey had them on her show.

And Oprah Winfrey was like,

hey, Little Rock Nine, guess who I have on the show?

The children that tormented you.

And the bullies were like, look,

back in 1957, we were little punks,

but now we're cool dudes who love you.

And we're sorry, because we were mean to you.

And being mean to Black people is not cool anymore.

So we just wanted to absolve ourselves of that.

Their apologies were not up to 2019 standards.

Their apologies were frankly bullshit.

But The Little Rock Nine forgave them

for all the terrible things they did.

And that is more than fucking I ever would have done.

So in 1999, President Bill Clinton gave

each of The Little Rock Nine the Congressional Gold Medal,

because what they went through was fucking amazing.

It's shocking that anyone

went through it, much less children.

Cannot point out enough that they were children.

So The Little Rock Nine wins.

Everyone else is a piece of shit.

The end.

Racism's fixed and everything's fine (laughs).

- Oh cool, happy 2019.

Isn't it cool.

- (laughs) Happy 2019.

I dunno what I was saying,

but I love margaritas, and Black people.

Hello, today we're going to talk about Claudette Colvin.

Guess what?

In Montgomery, Alabama, in 1955,

a young Black woman became the first person who was arrested

for not giving up her seat to a white lady on the bus.

That young woman's name is Claudette Colvin.

Claudette Colvin is a 15 year old bespectacled teenager.

Uh-oh, let me say it.

Bespectacled teenager.

It's a hard word, bespectacled.

She takes the bus home from school.

So her friends are like, all right,

we're having a fun trip to home, uh-oh, a white lady.

A white lady gets on the bus.

The white lady is like, hey,

you guys have to move because I'm white.

Claudette's friends leave.

But Claudette stays and is like, you know what?

I paid my fare the same as this white lady paid her fare.

So Claudette's like (bleep)you,

I'm (bleep) sitting, have a seat.

White lady's like, I will not have a seat.

The bus driver's like, I'm gonna get the cops.

So the cops are like, move.

Claudette's like, I shall not be moved.

And they drag her off the bus.

The only thing she knows to do is to go,

it's my constitutional right.

And they're like, this is 1955,

and we don't have to do (bleep) so (bleep) you.

Claudette's like, (bleep) 1955. (burps)

I'm sorry I burped.

I'm not sorry!

So wait, what? - I was just saying--

- So the NAACP is flooded with letters

saying Claudette Colvin is so brave, she's wonderful.

And the person who reads these letters,