series that will cover PERSONAL GROWTH, RELATIONSHIPS & SEX, FASHION & BEAUTY, CAREER & MONEY.

If you see this for the first time, there's a link below to a short intro vid that will

explain how this weekly series will work. Check it out, and then come back and get started.

I'm taking questions on everything that we talk about, so please ask away in a comment

below, on my Facebook page, or on Twitter & Instagram using #askalexandra. All the links

to my social communities are below.

Now remember to get your journal ready. If you don't know what that is, the intro video

I mentioned earlier will explain that as well.

Now, onto today's Personal Growth topic: HOW TO LET GO OF GUILT. Why is it so important

to let go of guilt? Well, that's because like the past, it's haunting. It holds you back.

It's this unnecessary weight that doesn't allow you to be the best YOU possible. It

affects your self-esteem, it limits your capabilities and opportunities, and the way to interact

with others. And all of this in return manifests itself into more bad decisions, unhappiness,

shitty experiences, and everything else you probably... like me... have gone through.

For years I spent thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours searching for valuable advice

and to my surprise, so much information I've out there, was written by folks who mostly

talked about how guilt makes you feel than giving out solutions on how to fix my problem.

Yeah, I know how it feels. It sucks, and that's why I'm looking to get rid of it. And so,

I had to figure out how to do that myself.

With that said... I wish I could jump into your skin and do the work for you but I can't.

I hate to tell you this, but there is NO quick fix. You can't wish yourself free of guilt.

You have days, months, if not years of priming guilt-brick after guilt-brick and now you

have a freakin' 12 story building of guilt and resentment toward yourself, it will take

a little work to tear it down. So, you have to do the work. But if you do it, I can promise

you that you will see results. And if you continue practicing it, you will be something

else let me tell you.

So, if that sounds good to you, get ready to take lots of notes, and let's dive right

into it! First things first.

Step #1: We need to know WHAT we need to nip in the butt. There's not a one guilt fits

all. So you need to figure out YOURS. What do you feel guilt over? And what I want you

to do here is list it all!!! Be in a space that enables you the time and silence to sort

through your thoughts and feelings. Think really hard, and go back from the beginning.

The first memories that cause you guilt. Don't leave anything out.mWhat do you feel even

the tiny-tiniest feeling of guilt over? A friend that you never apologized to? A marriage

that ended up in divorce? An opportunity that you didn't take for your kids? A business

venture you said no to, and now live to regret it?

Think about it really hard, and list it all. One of my biggest regrets has to do with my

dad. He wasn't around much, but he was my dad none the less. When I came to America,

I came by myself. And I didn't feel like I had the luxury of taking it easy. I had to

work really hard. And not just for myself. I had the responsibility of supporting my

mom, making sure my dad, grandma, family, all of them, have what they need. So I would

work at my job till midnight at times, get home at 1, get into bed by 2, wake up at 6

to be back in the office at 7, and I got so caught up in work, I only had "time" to call

my mom once a week.

And every time she would tell me every time. Call your dad, he wants to hear from you.

Please call your dad, it's been weeks. Please call your dad, he just wants to hear your

voice. And every time I was like "yeah, I'll call mom, I'll call". And I didn't.

And then one day, out nowhere, he passed away of an aneurism. And I never got to hear his

voice again, and he died without hearing mine. So, as you can imagine, I lived with the guilt

of feeling like such a bad person. Was I really that busy I couldn't even take 5 minutes to

say hello? For almost a decade, I just couldn't forgive myself. I seeked so much help i was

blue in the face and once I realized I was not finding a solution that would fit me,

I created my own. I took the steps that I'm going giving you today.

So finish step #1 and list all the things you feel guilt over. Do not leave anything

out, even if it seems insignificant. And when you list them, do it in a very short sentence

like -- guilt for not calling my dad before he passed away. You see what I'm saying?

At all cost, stay away from using any judgment. I'm not saying: guilt for being such a bad

daughter, I never called my dad. Don't talk to yourself like that. Write it down very

logically.

Step #2:

Now that you have identified and listed all the reasons causing you guilt, you'll need

to prioritize them. You'll need to address each and every one of them. but why start

fixing the guilt for not buying your kid the $100 toy he wanted, when you could fix the

guilt of broken marriage. Does that make sense? Big monsters first. You'll need to put the

big, heavy stuff up at the top, and the smaller stuff at the bottom. How can you tell which

one's heavier than the other? By the way it makes you feel.

Assign a 1 though 10 number that represents the level of pain that you feel as you think

of that moment that's causing you the guilt. 10 is the most painful and 1 -- it's not that

bad. Read what you wrote, take a moment, and figure out how each one makes you feel. And

put the number next to it. If 2 or more have the same number, that's fine. Prioritize by

which you'd like to get rid of first.

Now that you're organized, and you have all the guilt sources right in front you, listed

by priority, you feel better already. You know you're about to have a break through,

you're closer than ever before, and it's starting to feel REALLY good.

So take the #1 guilt you want to heal and on a piece of paper, write it down. Write

down that #1 guilt reason. This is what we're about to focus on.

The part that will be hard in this, is that you'll have to go back through that mental

clutter you've tried burying. You'll have to paint the clear picture of what happened.

What was the string of events that is now causing you guilt? Before you can heal, you

have to be very secure in your story and not leave anything to doubt. There's no I'm pretty

sure this happened, it's only I'm absolutely sure it happened this way. So without writing

a novel, bullet point what happened. Don't leave anything out, and don't be afraid to

face the emotions.

Once you have everything clear as day, you'll need to start the healing work by taking Step

#3. And that's asking yourself this.

And say it however it makes sense to YOU. But ask yourself this: Did I have sufficient

information about the situation that's now causing me guilt, before I got into it? Let

me explain this question with an example.

I was 19 years old when I got married. I know, I was really young! But I was in love... And

before getting married, my ex husband and I would go out to a dinner, he'd have a drink,

like normal people do, go to the movies... Normal couple-y stuff. A little bit into our

marriage, he picked up the bottle. And then he found the whole box of wine. And then every

night he would go to bed drunk. Then drunkenness turned into all sorts of different problems.

So after 2 years of that, I left. It was absolutely the best thing to do for myself, but I felt

so guilty over it.

I felt like a quitter. Have I really tried hard enough? Did I give up too easily? Here's

why I want you to ask yourself Did I have enough information about the situation, before

I got into it: I felt guilt because I left my marriage. Right? But I was married to man

with a vicious problem. The man I chose to marry, was a normal guy, not a guy with an

addiction who was refusing help. The information I had at the time I entered into the situation

that caused the guilt (aka the marriage), was completely different. If I would have

had the knowledge that he was an alcoholic, or going to turn into one, I never would have

married him, and there never would have been a divorce to feel guilty about. Does that

make sense?

Did I have sufficient information about the situation, before I got into it? Write down

the question, think about it really hard, apply it to your circumstance, take your time

and cover this from all angles. And then answer the question with a simple YES or NO. There's

no MAYBE in this process. Be honest to yourself. Nobody will see this but YOU. Nobody will

judge you.

Now, ask yourself this second question: Given the access to information that I had at that

time, were there any other options available to me?

Example: I was fresh off the boat, less than 2 years in America, I didn't know about 'Interventions'

and AA. There's no such thing in Romania where I'm from. I was really young and he was 15

years older and quite intimidating, so, sincerely, I had limited knowledge about how to fix this.

I didn't know how to deal with an alcoholic, and I was so scared every time I had to approach

him about it. And he wasn't listening to anyone else either.

So think about it, and ask yourself: Given the access to information I had at that time,

were there any other options available to me? Again, assign a simple YES I had all the

access to information as I possible could have, or NO, I didn't or didn't have enough.

Lastly, Question #3: Given the emotional state I was in at that time, were there any other

options available to me? You have to remember. When you're emotionally vulnerable, your view

of solutions is rather limited. You're living in such a narrow place of fear and craziness,

you see things like this (put visors on to the sides like a horse).

Given the emotional state you were in at the time (be it fear, depression, insecurity,

high stress, etc), would you have been able to see and take, a logical path; one better,

than the one that you took? Was your mind clear and capable enough to make the better

decision? Then put a YES or a NO next to it. Make sure that you are Really comfortable

and secure in your answers. And trust me when I say take your time, you want to do this

right the First time!

And remember, this is not justifying past bad decisions. It's simply a logical approach

to a healing process.

So now. You answered the 3 questions, and I'd like for you to take a look at your answers.

One thing I want to mention to anybody that answered NO to question #3 -- What's very

important to acknowledge here is that the best choices are made with a clear head, would

you agree?

Do you agree that when you're angry you can say things that you don't mean? Why's that?

It's because your judgment is clouded. When you are in a state of emotional distress you

can have all the access to information possible, that still won't help you think clearly. It's

not a normal state of being. The situation you were in, placed you in a state of emotional

distress. And nothing that anybody could have said or done, would have helped you. Nothing

would have helped, because you didn't have all of YOU. Please realize that emotional

distress is chronic, and you're not immune to it. It's a place of such darkness, no rational,

light-filled decisions can be made from there. A mind cluttered with darkness cannot possibly

do the right thing. It's just how it is.

I wanted you to answer those questions in order to understand that there are deeper

roots to your actions. All that we tend to see is the surface, the end result to our

actions. And in the case of guilt, we only see what we did wrong. But what we have to

understand, is that our actions, are a product of many things. From our state of mind, to

our environment and its changes, past experiences, etc. Does that make sense? Don't be so quick

to judge yourself.

Now it's time to move to the solutions part of this video and start with the first act

of healing, (how I like to call it) and that is to Cry out from your sadness. If you think

that sounds corny or crazy, you have to get over it! Guilt isn't making your life hard

because you're so fucking breezy about your problems. I mean it. Let everything that you've

been hanging on to, out. Crying does not make you vulnerable. It does not make you less

of a person. You have baggage you have get rid of, and to do so, you have to get over

this hump. You will get over this hump the moment you stop bottling up your feelings.

Feel that feeling of pain that you have. This is the moment to allow yourself to feel sad,

feel sorry for yourself. It's OK! Allow yourself to be humbled and go through the pain. You

feel you fucked up, this is your time to really regret it and get it out of the way. No more

hiding from it. Make sure that nobody can hear you, so you don't feel self conscious

or weird about it. You need this uncensored time to connect with that felling that is

causing you guilt. And in that state of mind you will be far more open to healing.

If your guilt comes from something not so heart-wrenching, you can skip this step. But

make sure before you skip it that you're not doing it just because you think this would

be stupid. Make absolute sure that there's nothing deeper than what appears on the surface.

The second act of healing, is to formally Apologize. In writing. It's very important

to do it in writing, because when you write, you give your thoughts some additional time

to properly put themselves together. You're now in that state, you've cried, connected

to the source of pain, so you'll have the perfect opening to be vulnerable and honest,