HEAVY: WE MUST STOP LITTLE CART!

MEDIC: Ya!

DEMO (me): Help!!! Incoming!!!

(dramatic music begins)

HEAVY: AAARGH!

(demoman laughs)

HEAVY: Move!

DEMO: Medic!

MEDIC: Jawohl!

DEMO: Charge it!

BLU DEMO: Ruuuuuun!!!

(Soldier screams)

SOLDIER: Heeeeeeeeelp!

(Demo laughs, then screams out)

(Heavy screams)

HEAVY: What?!

HEAVY: What was that?

HEAVY: Huh...

Do ya know what that was?

That was a re-creation of a competitive clip featuring a VERY brave Pyro

and the reality of how QUICKLY an Ubered Demoman can cut the enemy team in HALF!

With that lucky sticky kill on the Scout and a quick switch to grenades,

I'm able to blow up three players and leave a fourth one fending for his life!

(Demo screams)

HEAVY: WAT??

Make no mistake, Demoman is REALLY powerful.

Throw some stickybombs over here and toss some pipe grenades over there and before ya know it,

BOOM! SKADOOSH! Blu team: Gone.

But sit down a NEW player as Mr. "Only-has-projectiles" and you'd better be prepared to cover your ears!

(little kid whining)

DEMO: Aww... GO TO HELL!

The learning process for Demoman looks something like this, spamming stickies with no sense of timing

while relegating the Grenade Launcher to... uh, ya know... emergencies!

BLU DEMO: OHHHH shit, I'm out of stickies!

And this strategy can woooork to an extent because, let's be honest, having 8 explosives loaded in ONE gun is... kind of ridiculous.

Oh-oh my god....

Uh... GUYS?

DO THE GENEVA CONVENTIONS APPLY TO VIDEO GAMES?

Buuuuut hold on, stickies can't be detonated for 0.7 seconds after shooting them

so don't be surprised if sticky spamming gets you killed by every other

"SSSScout"

SCOUT: I don't USUALLY kill morons this fast.

"SSSSSoldier"

SOLDIER: Scotland is not a real country!

"SSSSSSniper"

SNIPER: (chuckles) Bloody hell, you're awful!

Aaaand "SSSSSSpy!"

SPY: Indeed, you drunken wretch!

SPY: You are an embarassment!

AAAARGH it's always the god-forsaken SSSSSSSSSSSquad!

(cocky hip hop plays)

So sticky spamming isn't perfect... do we give up?

NO! We just do it better!

As long as you stay about thiiiiiiis far away from the action,

at this point where your stickies travel the entire length of their arm time,

You SHOULD be free to go on a RAMPAGE!

DEMO: KILL EM ALL! (laughing maniacally)

DEMO: That'll teach em!

It just makes everything so much easier!

This distance puts YOU in control and ensures that you'll never have to do ANYTHING difficult,

EVER again-

OHHHH MANNNNN

SCOUT: You suck!

Yeaaaah at SOME point you're gonna have to learn more than sticky spamming,

but DON'T WORRY! There's a REASON these things are designed to stick!

KABOOOOoooooOOOOOooooooOOM (friends laugh)

Demoman's ability to control WHEN stickies explode provides perhaps the most consistent source of kills in the entire game:

The sticky trap!

Not only can you consistently lockdown a chokepoint with the stickybomb launcher,

you can then RELOAD the damn thing and be ready to pick apart the pack of panicked perpetrators after the fact!

DEMO: You're all bloody dead!---STOP THAT!

But there's more to it than just dumping stickies on chokepoints -

You can store a bunch of damage ANYWHERE!

Hey RED team, that was a great ubercharge - can't wait to see the next one!

Exert a LITTLE patience -

if ya find some unsuspecting Snipers, lay down TWO stickies at once

so they can't even respond to the detonation!

aaand if a Medic so happens to walk into them, that's an EPIC STICKY TRAP

Put some distance between you and those cheeky Scouts with just one... sticky...

...just one sticky....

Wait... does this count as a sticky trap?

Does that mean....

Is every stickybomb its own trap?

(Ominous male choir)

???DemoGod???: You've SEEN IT, haven't you?

???DemoGod???: The POWER within each stickybomb?

Yes! Yes I see! Every sticky I shoot guards the entire radius around it -

the very idea of a trap is subjective!

???DemoGod???: GOOD! Now that you see the power of every undetonated sticky, you have opened your third eye-

Errr, ummm... second eye...

(augh! sigh...)

I get it now! That's the BEAUTY of manual detonation!

If I stay calm and don't detonate, it doesn't matter that THESE stickies were meant for THIS Spy,

They're the perfect "trap" for this rocket jumping Soldier I was totally expecting!

(Soldier screams)

Stickies haven't "missed" until you detonate them.

No chokepoint? No problem.

With enough stickies and enough patience, the entire world becomes one BIG chokepoint.

SCOUT: Stop it!

All this sticky trapping seems almost too good, right?

(Green Hill Zone blaring) But with how vulnerable- ???

All this sticky trapping seems almost TOO good ri-(GREEN HILL ZONE)

(frustration) I'M TALKING HERE!

All this sticky trapping seems almost TOO good right?-

Okay, now there are TWO OF THEM what kind of sick joke IS THI-

*sigh*, is it safe? Can I -

uh - all this sticky trapping seems almost TOO good right?

But with how comically vulnerable he is to being bumrushed,

Iiiii think it's fine to reward Demoman for seeing it coming

(Italian music)

DEMO: We've been expecting you!

DEMO: That's what ya get!

Of course, sticky traps don't detonate themselves...

NO Scout you scared me into detonating too early AAAAAAAAAA

A good sticky trap demands your FULL attention!

In other words, Demoman is DESIGNED to have tunnel vision!

That's right! The class with one eye has tunnel vision...

DEEP. LORE.

When I'm setting up an important trap in the heat of the moment,

it's not realistic for me to turn around between each sticky and reset my crosshair.

In other words, if I'm gonna get stabbed, mother o' mercy, I'm gonna get stabbed.

AAHH but forget the Spies and Snipers for a minute, the last thing you want is to become your OWN worst enemy!

I mean - okay, I don't know if it's just me but after growing emotionally attached to some...

carefully-laid sticky trap that will surely get a triple kill and make daddy proud...

I struggle to pay attention to anything else as I play with one hand behind my back for FORTY SECONDS

getting nothing done until I finally say "fuck it" and randomly detonate,

somehow killing a HORRIBLY unfortunate Spy.

DEMO: You appear to have trodden on a mine!

SPY: Hahaha. I am the Spy.

But perhaps the most harrowing downside is that when it comes time to push forward...

you may be given a choice...

No! I can't detonate here - not now! I'll die for sure!

But my team! But I deserve to live!

If I die!... If I die!....

No... NO!..... NO!!!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

I let them down...

I can't keep RELYING on this thing, man!

Sure, it's consistent, but it's so slow!

WHAT IF... I need damage NOW?

(cue montage buildup)

If death stares me in the face?!

If my targets are LAUNCHED?

There's only one thing to rely on then...

(epic music)

ENEMY SOLDIER: HEEEEEELP! augh....

I. LIVE. For pipe grenades.

The THRILL of trusting your instinct and saying:

I don't CARE that you have a Medic cuz I'm just gonna hit three pipes in a row, alright?

See ya later, g'bye.

The POWER I feel melting one Heavy after the other

Granting them the power of flight while accidentally killing those around them!

and the RUSH of knowing that the only way I'm getting out alive is

Two. Clean. Pipes.

Hitting two pipes on Scouts ain't easy, but it ALWAYS kills, even IF they're-

overhealed...

SCOUT: De-nied!

No.

Nooo no no no no,

That Medic did NOT just perfectly time a healing crossbow bolt in between my two pipes, he did NOT!

Hello, Police, yeah I'd like to report a ROBBERY!

To guarantee the second pipe, do your best to shoot the first one at their feet.

It'll pop em right up for an easy two-fer.

HEAVY: DOKTOR!!!

Ooookay Heavy, are you sure you wanna play this game? This doesn't tend to work out for ya...

(text to speech reads above text)

HEAVY: Ohhhhhh shit.

Shooting for the feet can be a gamble, but when it works.... oh-ho-ho, it works.

DEMO: Cuz baybee you're a FIIIIIIIRE WOOOOORK

Landing pipes will always feel amazing because you can't take a single one of them for granted.

Ya never know when even that scoped-in Sniper is just gonna get up and move!

Sniper: Ah! What the bloody hell?

YO YO YO I'M JOKIN I'M JOKIN, I MISSED ON PURPOSE!

IT'S A JOKE, I'M FRIENDL-

Hitting pipes is often the difference between living and dying, and almost every time it comes down to intuition.

SCOUT: I am owning you, you-

EAT SHI-

When you're in the kind of fast-paced situation that calls for pipes, there's no time to ask yourself questions about air strafing or hitboxes!

(Engie screaming)

(Demo drunkedly explains)

(Engie screams)

(Demo drunkedly explains)

It's. pure. intuition.

Extend that intuition to your stickybombs and it won't be long until you're hitting one-two punches like it's nothin!

But how does one access all of this...

"""Intuiiiition"""

(dark undertones) My best advice.... iiiiiiiiis....

to equip the Sticky Jumper!

a no-damage launcher that allows you to do INCREDIBLE triple midair jumps,

forcing yourself into the enemy base so that you can get in as much practice...

as...

possible.

(dark undertones)

Pipes are great! I like pipes, I love pipes!

So that you can get in as MUCH practice as possible.

CROWD: Oooooh.... ahhhhhhh.....

Remember that pipes are best aimed at large, unmissable groups,

so keep an eye out, and...

huh....

-large, unmissable groups, so keep an eye out for those good opportunities!

Uhhhh and never underestimate the element....

of...

surprise...

(screams internally)

(burps)

DEMO: eh - what?

(gibberish)

MEDIC: Schnell! Go get zem!

(screams)

(dozing off)

MEDIC: Mach schnell!

(screams himself awake)

(more gibberish)

DEMO: IT'S ON! IT'S ON like-

(snoring)

MEDIC: Move! Schnell!

(yells)

MEDIC: Sentry ahead!

(gibberish) YA! (gibberish)

(noticeably drunk) That's right! ahHH- that's right, that's right,

it's my job to desTROY these sentries, and these sentries, and these... sentries...

and god, am I- am I seein' okay or is that a lot of Engineers? I mean... that's a lot of Engineers, I-

Bye, heh, see ya!

(through headphones) Uh... ihh- But the thing that I can't fucking get, alright, and listen,

because this is...... this is serious-

(fast forwards the drunk rambling)

These close-up sentries that don't serve.......... ANY purpose,

other than just catching people off guard!

You're not even defending anything, you're just-

you know, the scrow- the scout walks by he goes "HEY GUY'M, ahm ahm ahm ahmam I'M PLAYIN THE GAME, I'm havin fun!"

And then- *imitates impact sound and sentry noises*

THAT'S not fair...

But Engineer's aren't gonna stop BUILDING these things,,,

until people,, stop walking into them, alright?

so please - I'm begging you to just check,, your corners, and never let these engineers get away with this.

DEMO: SNIPER!

DEMO: Look BOTH ways before ya croooooooosss!

SNIPER:(baby noise) Okay mate!

SNIPER: Alright, ya wankers-

SNIPER: Sentry ah-AGH

AAAAOOO MY- GOD dangit NO, this isn't even defending anything, this sentry is just MEAN, alright? I will make sure... that you SUFFER for this.