for another edition of Big Dick History.

為再版大屌史。

How is this doing by the way, this Big Dick History?

對了，這個大屌史是怎麼做的？

We stumbled upon it the way one stumbles upon

我們偶然發現了它，就像一個人偶然發現...

a large penis in life.

生活中的大陰莖。

And then suddenly you guys are telling me

然後你們突然告訴我

we have to do it more

我們要多做

and we have to do it again, which leads me to believe

我們還得再來一次，這讓我相信。

that there's been some kind of response out there.

有一直 一些反應在那裡。

It's taking over the world.

它正在接管世界。

Oh.

哦。

Yeah. Big Dick History, well, it's big.

是啊，大雞巴歷史，嗯，它是大的。大雞巴歷史，嗯，它是大的。

It's making history and it's a big dick.

它在創造歷史，而且是個大屌。

I don't

我不知道

I will tell you, I'll tell you this.

我告訴你，我告訴你這個。

It combines things that people are fascinated by.

它結合了人們所迷戀的事物。

It's history with those history podcasts do very well.

這是歷史與那些歷史播客做的非常好。

And then penises.

然後是陰莖。

It's the only history I'll listen to.

這是我唯一會聽的歷史。

I'm going to be honest with you.

我跟你說實話。

I mean, I know you are really into like dates and details

我的意思是，我知道你真的很喜歡日期和細節。

but I'm just like how big was the dick that was involved?

但我只是喜歡有多大的傢伙是參與？

Yeah.

是啊。

Okay.

好吧，我知道了

Sorry.

對不起，我不知道

Well if this is something that America wants

如果這是美國想要的東西

then it's our job to give it to them.

那麼我們的工作就是給他們。

That's right.

是的

So

所以

You're welcome.

不客氣

I mean, this can't bite us in the ass.

我的意思是，這不能咬我們的屁股。

The bigger the Dick, the bigger the fall, but who cares?

屌絲越大，跌幅越大，但誰會在乎呢？

We're going to do something today called Big Dick History,

我們今天要做的事情叫大屌史。

the quiz. Are you ready?

測驗。你準備好了嗎？

Yup.

是啊

Okay. Just buzzing by yelling your name.

好吧，我只是大喊你的名字只是大喊你的名字。

If you know the answer.

如果你知道答案。

Okay.

好吧，我知道了

Number one, what historical figures, swaying

第一，什麼歷史人物，搖曳多姿。

and weighing was described by a Time Magazine journalist

時代週刊》的記者曾這樣描述道。

in 1927, as a quote "maltreated strip of buckskin shoelace?"

在1927年，作為一個報價 "麥芽條的鹿皮鞋帶？"

Wait a minute. Can I hear the question?

等一下，我可以聽到這個問題嗎？我能聽到這個問題嗎？

(laughing)

（笑）

What

ぐ或

What historical figures,

什麼歷史人物。

swaying and weighing, was described by

晃晃悠悠，重重的，被描述為。

a Time Magazine journalist

時代週刊記者

in 1927 as a maltreated strip of buckskin shoelace?

在1927年，作為麥芽皮鞋帶的?

Oh my god.

哦，我的上帝。

Is it, Rasputin? Napoleon?

是嗎，拉斯普京？拿破崙？

Prince Albert? Or Vladimir Lenin?

阿爾伯特王子？還是弗拉基米爾-列寧？

Oh, it would be.

哦，會的。

I'm going to say Sona.

我想說索娜。

Yes Sona.

是的，索納。

Lennon.

列儂。

Incorrect.

不正確。

I'm going to say Napoleon.

我想說拿破崙。

Napoleon is correct.

拿破崙是正確的。

God damn it.

該死的。

All right, one point

好吧，一點

They actually claim to have Napoleon's penis.

他們居然說自己有拿破崙的陰莖。

That's right.

是的

The others would not be available for inspection

其餘的則不能供檢查

whereas I think Napoleon's would be.

而我認為拿破崙的會是。

My understanding is it's actually at like a book sellers.

我的理解是，它其實是在像賣書的。

Keep in mind, a lot of this research is rumor based,

請記住，這些研究很多都是基於謠言。

but for our purposes, who cares?

但為了我們的目的，誰在乎呢？

You know, it's not only owned, Napoleon's penis

你知道，它不僅擁有，拿破崙的陰莖

by a book seller, did you know this?

由一個賣書的，你知道嗎？

It's used as a bookmark.

它是作為一個書籤使用的。

It's a shoelace.

這是一個鞋帶。

Yeah, that explains a lot.

是啊，這解釋了很多。

Yeah. When this guy is reading "Fifty Shades of Grey"

是啊，當這傢伙讀《五十度灰》時當這傢伙讀 "五十度灰 "的時候 When this guy is reading "Fifty Shades of Grey"

and he gets to a,

而他到了一個。

he's tired and he wants to just turn in for the night,

他累了，他想只是轉在晚上。

he puts Napoleon's penis into the book and shuts it.

他把拿破崙的陰莖放進書裡，然後關上。

After he uses it to floss his teeth. Okay next question.

在他用它來剔牙之後。好吧，下一個問題。

(indistinct)

(聽不清)

How can you go too far on Big Dick History?

在大屌史上怎麼能走得太遠？

You know what you can and you just did.

你知道你能做什麼，你剛剛也做了。

Yeah you did.

是的，你做到了。

It's an achievement.

這是一個成就。

Using a dick as floss.

用雞巴當牙線。

I think that's where we draw the line for Big Dick History.

我想這就是我們給大屌歷史劃定的界限。

Well we had to find it.

好吧，我們必須找到它。

Number two, actor Gary Cooper was nicknamed

第二，演員加里-庫珀的綽號是：

the Pennsylvania pipeline, New York pork,

賓夕法尼亞州的管道，紐約的豬肉。

old faithful, or the Montana mule?

老忠實，還是蒙大拿州的騾子？

Pennsylvania pipeline.

賓夕法尼亞州的管道。

That's incorrect.

這是不正確的。

No, it's correct.

不，這是正確的。

No, don't start this again, this is Big Dick History.

不，不要再開始了，這是大屌歷史。

You have to lose graciously.

你要大方地輸掉。

Just try to lose graciously some way.

只是儘量大方地輸掉一些方式。

Wait, what was the question again?

等等，又是什麼問題？

I thought we were asking what's the best way to get oil

我想我們是在問什麼是最好的方法讓油

to Pennsylvania to Philadelphia?

到賓夕法尼亞州到費城？

No.

不知道

Was that the question?

是這個問題嗎？

It's the Pennsylvania pipeline.

這是賓夕法尼亞州的管道。

It's not.

不是這樣的

Oh yeah, the Montana mule yeah.

哦，對了，蒙大拿州的騾子耶。

Sona. What's your answer?

索納。你的答案是什麼？

Go with go with Montana mule and you'll win.

和蒙大拿騾子一起走，你就贏了。

I don't, I don't want to,

我不，我不想。

Go ahead.

去吧

Cause if I do, then I know that you

因為如果我這樣做，那麼我知道，你

No go ahead it's Montana mule.

不，繼續，這是蒙大拿州的騾子。

No, I'm going to go with old faithful actually.

不，我其實要選擇老忠實。

It's Montana mule.

這是蒙大拿州的騾子。

So nobody gets the point there

所以大家都不明白這一點

Yeah but you know what?

是的，但你知道嗎？

I get a point for telling Sona what

我得到了一個點，告訴索納什麼

No you don't.

不，你不需要

No because I knew it was correct, and then I told Sona.

沒有，因為我知道這是正確的，然後我告訴索娜。

She refused to take it out of foolish pride,

她因為愚蠢的自尊心而拒絕接受。

and she went down in flames.

她在火焰中倒下了。

If you knew it,

如果你知道。

why did you say the Pennsylvania one first?

你為什麼先說賓夕法尼亞的那個？

Because I had a funny joke

因為我有一個有趣的笑話

about how to get to oil, to to Philadelphia.

關於如何到油，到費城。

That doesn't make any sense.

這沒有任何意義。

You just had you got it wrong.

你只是把它弄錯了。

And then you've just a second time.

然後你就有了第二次。

So your chances

所以你的機會

of getting it right the second time were better.

第二次做對的可能性更大。

Nope. I always win. Go ahead.

不，我總是贏。我總是贏。贏吧

You did definitely didn't win, that was wrong.

你做的絕對沒有贏，那是錯誤的。

So Conan was wrong on that one, Gourley?

所以柯南在這一點上是錯的，古麗？

Okay.

好吧，我知道了

Conan O'Brien's always right

柯南-奧布萊恩永遠是對的

was the original name of this podcast.

是這個播客的原名。

You're giving Big Dick History a double meaning

你給大雞巴歷史賦予了雙重的意義。

on this podcast.

在這個播客。

Okay. Number three.

好吧，第三條。第三個。

Edit that out.

把這句話編輯出來。

Athlete, Wilt Chamberlain's

運動員，威爾特-張伯倫的。

big guy was nicknamed: the stilt, big dipper, drill bit

大塊頭的綽號是：高蹺、大塊頭、鑽頭。

or the bazooka?

還是火箭筒？

Sona.

索納。

Sona.

索納。

I don't like, can I say something,

我不喜歡，我可以說些什麼。

shouting out your name.

喊出你的名字。

You're winning and you're still somehow a sore loser.

你贏了，但你還是莫名其妙地輸了。

This is incredible.

這真是不可思議。

I'm going to guess the stilt.

我猜是高蹺。

That's not correct, sorry.

這是不正確的，對不起。

Come on, all I have to do is guess.

來吧，我只需要猜一猜。

Conan the remaining choices are big dipper, drill bit,

柯南剩下的選擇是大斗師，鑽頭。

or the bazooka.

或火箭筒。

We all know it's the drill bit.

我們都知道是鑽頭的問題。

Sorry. It's the big dipper.

對不起，是大瓢蟲這是一個大瓢。

Yeah. I know.

是的，我知道

You got it wrong Conan, I'm not sure if you knew that.

你搞錯了，柯南，我不知道你是否知道。

Here's the thing.

事情是這樣的

I know the answers to all of these

我知道這些問題的答案

but by appearing not to know them

卻裝作不認識他們

I don't come across as someone who's obsessed with penises.

我並不像一個對陰莖著迷的人。

I should have known, never to do a quiz.

早知道，就不做測驗了。

All right.

好吧，我知道了

Okay. Number four.

好吧，第四條。四號

Most infuriating person to do this with,

最讓人氣憤的人。

there's no one worse.

沒有比這更糟糕的人了

Conan! Oh I thought that was the next question.

柯南！哦，我以為是下一個問題。

Number four, Juan Baptista Dosantos

第四位，Juan Baptista Dosantos。

was known for A, a forked schlong,

是以A，一個叉叉的小弟弟而聞名。

B, one main schlong

B、一個主股

with a tiny little schlong coming out of it,

有一個小的小陰莖出來。

kind of like how a Xenomorph

有點像異形

in the movie "Alien" has one of those little things.

在電影 "異形 "有一個這樣的小東西。

C, two separate working sclongs

C、兩個獨立的工作鉗

or D, the biggest schlong ever on record.

或者是D，有史以來最大的勃起。

I'm going to Sona.

我要去索納。

Yeah.

是啊。

I'm going to say a double schlong.

我想說的是雙龍。

The two separate working schlongs?

兩個獨立工作的小弟弟？

Yes.

是的，我知道

Or the one main schlong.

或一主一輔。

Two separate working schlongs.

兩個獨立的工作股。

That's correct.

這是正確的。

Conan I got it right, I just wanted you to hear.

柯南我說對了，我只是想讓你聽聽。

Did everyone notice that she has a hard g

大家有沒有發現，她有一個硬的g

and she went schlong

她去了schlong

Oh this again.

哦，又是這個。

That's what you're gonna

這就是你要做的

Schlonga, schlonga, that threw me off. Schlonga.

施隆加，施隆加，把我甩開了。施隆加

And then I'm like I don't even wanna play

然後，我想我甚至不想要玩

when I hear schlonga.

當我聽到schlonga，

Okay you wanna be petty like that?

好吧，你想這樣小氣嗎？

That's fine, that's okay.

沒關係，沒關係。

We're all tied up

我們都被綁起來了

Right, and you got it wrong.

對，你弄錯了。

We're what, what are, what are Gourley?

我們是什麼，什麼是，什麼是古麗？

We're all tied up, three questions left.

我們都是平手，還剩三個問題。

We had a very popular, stunningly popular podcast

我們有一個非常流行的，令人驚歎的流行播客。

until we took on this.

直到我們接受了這個。

This horrible turn down this awful road.

這個可怕的轉彎，在這條可怕的路上。

All right, go ahead.

好吧，繼續。

Number five, though evidence is scant,

第五條，雖然證據不多。

Adolf Hitler is rumored to have had which two

據傳，阿道夫-希特勒曾有哪兩個

genital abnormalities.

生殖器異常；

Okay. So you have to name both.

好吧，所以你得把兩個名字都說出來

And if one person gets only one

而如果一個人只得到一個

and the other person gets none, they'll win.

而另一個人什麼都沒有得到，他們就會贏。

Okay. One, undescended testicle, two, missing testicle

好吧。一，未降睪丸，二，缺失睪丸。

three, penile hypospadias, which is the urethra opens

三、陰莖下垂，也就是尿道口開大了

on the underside of the penis or four, micropenis.

在陰莖的下方或四、微陰莖。

Okay. I have the answer to this

好吧，我有答案了

and I pick two or pick one?

我選兩個還是選一個？

You pick two.

你選兩個。

Well, first of all

嗯，首先

one ball is one, one testicle

一球一粒，一睪一丸

Missing testicle.

睪丸缺失。

Missing testicle is, is I mean soldiers sang songs

睪丸缺失是，我的意思是阿兵哥們唱的歌。

about it during World War II, probably propaganda.

二戰期間，可能是宣傳。

And then the other would be the micropenis.

然後另一個就是小陰莖了。

You got one right, you got the missing testicle.

你說對了一個，你的睪丸不見了。

Micropenis is incorrect.

微陰莖是不正確的。

Well I'm

好吧，我是

I think its the ure

我想是尿道的問題

I'm sorry, you, you guessed already, and

對不起，你，你已經猜到了，而且。

you got it, you got one right.

你得到了它，你得到了一個權利。

Well, I'm saying micro micro penis is a relative term.

好吧，我說微微陰莖是一個相對的名詞。

I think compared to mine, it would be a micro penis.

我想和我的相比，應該是微型陰莖。

I'm going to guess it's the urethra one,

我猜是尿道的那個。

where the urethra is underneath.

其中尿道在下面。

That's correct, so you each get a point here.

沒錯，所以你們在這裡各得一分。

Okay.

好吧，我知道了

It's all tied still. This is exciting.

這一切都被綁住了。這是令人興奮的。

Tied Conan. It's tied.

平手柯南。平手了

The Big Dick History quiz and we're tied, so.

大雞巴歷史測驗，我們是平手，所以。

Number six. Which classic rock star had his big

六號哪位經典搖滾明星有他的大

old yam cast in plaster.

老山藥投石膏。

I got it.

我知道了

Okay.

好吧，我知道了

Jimi Hendrix.

Jimi Hendrix.

That's correct, nice.

沒錯，不錯。

Oh wow. How do you know that?

哦，哇，你怎麼知道？你怎麼知道的？

Cause I own it.

因為我擁有它。

I, I use it as a, it's a Popsicle mold and yeah.

我，我用它作為一個，這是一個冰棒模具，是的。

I mean, no one knows.

我的意思是，沒有人知道。

I just distribute them through the neighborhood.

我只是通過附近的鄰居來分發它們。

No one knows what they're really sucking on

沒人知道他們到底在吸什麼？

except that it's delicious and cherry.

除了它的美味和櫻桃。

What an awful, awful road we've gone down.

我們走了一條多麼可怕，多麼可怕的路啊。

Yeah, okay. Final questions so Sona

是的，好的。最後的問題，所以Sona

you can tie it up here or Conan

你可以把它綁在這裡或柯南

you can take the victory.

你可以取得勝利。

I want this. I want this so bad.

我想要這個。我太想要這個了

Number seven. Errol Flynn once used his John Thomas

第七個。埃洛爾-弗林曾經用他的約翰-托馬斯

to do what: swat a fly, play piano,

要做什麼：拍蒼蠅、彈鋼琴。

open a door, or hail a cab?

開門，還是叫車？

Me.

是我

Sona.

索納。

I know this one actually.

其實我知道這個。

Play the piano.

彈鋼琴。

That's correct.

這是正確的。

Oh, was that what you were gonna say?

哦，這就是你想說的？

Yep.

是的。

No, you know what, now you can lie.

不，你知道嗎，現在你可以撒謊了。

No that's a famous, that's a well-known story.

不，那是一個著名的，那是一個眾所周知的故事。

Yeah. He played a, a rag, a Baltimore rag.

是的，他在巴爾的摩的一家破爛公司工作過。

He played with his left hand

他用左手打球

and his penis and apparently he did three shows a night.

和他的陰莖，顯然，他做了三個節目，一個晚上。