a test to see if you are a human.

測驗你是否為人類

Please raise your hand if something applies to you.

當有事項適用在你身上時 請舉手

Are we agreed? Yes?

我們有共識嗎？ 有嗎？

Then let's begin.

那我們開始吧

Have you ever eaten a booger

你曾經吃過鼻屎嗎？

long past your childhood?

即使過了童年許久

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

It's okay, it's safe here.

放心上 在這裡很安全的

Have you ever made a small, weird sound

你曾經發出小小的怪聲

when you remembered something embarrassing?

當你想請令你尷尬的事？

Have you ever purposely lowercased

你是否曾經刻意小寫

the first letter of a text

訊息中的第一個字

in order to come across as sad or disappointed?

以表達傷心或失望？

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

Okay.

好的

Have you ever ended a text with a period

你曾經在訊息最後使用句點

as a sign of aggression? Okay. Period.

已表示積極？ 好的 那句點

Have you ever laughed or smiled

你曾經大笑或微笑

when someone said something shitty to you

當然有跟你說了粗魯的話

and then spent the rest of the day

然後花了一整天

wondering why you reacted that way?

思考自己為什麼會有那種反應？

Yes.

是吧

Have you ever seemed to lose your airplane ticket

你是否曾經感覺遺失了機票

a thousand times as you walked

一千遍 當你從

from the check-in to the gate?

出關口走到閘門？

Yes.

對吧

Have you ever put on a pair of pants

你是否曾經穿上褲子

and then much later realized that there was

然後過了一陣子後 才發現

a loose sock smushed up against your thigh?

有一隻襪子 貼在自己的大腿之上

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

Good.

很好

Have you ever tried to guess someone else's password

你曾經猜過別人的密碼

so many times that it locked their account?

次數多到害別人的帳好被嗎？

Mmm.

嗯

Have you ever had a nagging feeling that one day

你是否曾經有過惱人的感覺

you will be discovered as a fraud?

有一天自己會被發現是騙子？

Yes, it's safe here.

沒關係的 這裡很安全

Have you ever hoped that there was some ability

你是否曾經期待有一些能力

you hadn't discovered yet

尚未被發掘

that you were just naturally great at?

但你天生在行的？

Mmm.

嗯

Have you ever broken something in real life,

你是否曾經在生活中弄壞過東西

and then found yourself looking

然後發現自己正在尋找

for an "undo" button in real life?

真實人生中的「重置」鑑

Have you ever misplaced your TED badge

你否曾經搞丟你的TED入場證

and then immediately started imagining

然後馬上開始想像一個

what a three-day Vancouver vacation might look like?

三天的溫哥華假期會是如何？

Have you ever marveled

你是否曾經讚嘆

at how someone you thought was so ordinary

一個你曾經覺得如此平庸的人

could suddenly become so beautiful?

怎麼會突然變得那麼美麗？

Have you ever stared at your phone

你否曾經看著自己的手機

smiling like an idiot while texting with someone?

像一個笨蛋一樣傻笑 跟其他人傳訊息？

Have you ever subsequently texted that person

你是否連續地跟傳訊息的對方說

the phrase "I'm staring at the phone

「我盯著手機

smiling like an idiot"?

笑的跟傻瓜一樣」？

Have you ever been tempted to,

你是否曾經被誘惑

and then gave in to the temptation,

然後屈服於誘惑之下

of looking through someone else's phone?

去翻看別人的手機內容？

Have you ever had a conversation with yourself

你否曾經跟自己對話

and then suddenly realized

然後忽然意識到

you're a real asshole to yourself?

你對你自己像個混蛋一樣？

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

Has your phone ever run out of battery

你的手機是否曾經沒電

in the middle of an argument,

在一個爭吵之中

and it sort of felt like the phone

然後那個手機感覺起來

was breaking up with both of you?

在幫你們兩個分手？

Have you ever thought

你是否曾經想過

that working on an issue between you was futile

處理一個關於自己的事情 是白費力氣

because it should just be easier than this,

因為一切應該更加簡單

or this is supposed to happen just naturally?

或是一切應該發生的很自然？

Have you ever realized that very little, in the long run,

你是否曾經意識到很多小事 長遠來說

just happens naturally?

很自然地就發生？

Have you ever woken up blissfully

你是否曾經醒來覺得幸福

and suddenly been flooded by the awful remembrance

然後忽然被難過的情緒淹沒

that someone had left you?

因為憶起有人已經離開你了？

Have you ever lost the ability to imagine a future

你是否曾經失去在未來中

without a person

想像一個不在的人

that no longer was in your life?

將永遠不存在你的生命之中的能力？

Have you ever looked back on that event

你是否曾經回想那個事件

with the sad smile of autumn

帶著悲秋的輕笑

and the realization that futures will happen

以及對於未來終究會發生的

regardless?

覺悟？

Congratulations.

恭喜你

You have now completed the test.

你已經完成測驗了

You are all human.

你們全部都是人類

(Applause)

(鼓掌)