She's like doing the directions.

她就像在做指導。

I was all in.

我是全心全意的。

I was like, Look, use me as a bop it, pull it, twist it, kick it.

我當時想，你看，把我當做一個彈弓，拉它，扭它，踢它。

Whatever you need to do to my body, I'm down to listen.

不管你要對我的身體做什麼，我都願意聽。

Hi.

嗨，我的天

My name is Trevor Wallis And one time I had sex.

我叫Trevor Wallis 有一次我做了愛

Well, let's talk about it.

好吧，讓我們來談談吧。

This all happened about three years ago living in Santa Monica living it up, dude.

這一切都發生在三年前，住在聖莫尼卡的生活了，夥計。

Living in a three by 3 ft room, paying $3000 for rent.

住在一個三乘三尺的房間裡，交3000元的房租。

So I was crushing it.

所以，我是碾壓的。

But I had one video do, like a million views.

但我有一個視頻做，像一百萬的瀏覽量。

So in my head, I was popping around the same time.

所以在我的腦海裡，我是在同一時間蹦出來的。

This girl who went to college with kind of hit me up out of the blue and was like, Hey, I'm in Los Angeles.

這個和我一起上大學的女孩突然打了我一下，說："嘿，我在洛杉磯。

Turns out it wasn't Los Angeles.

原來不是洛杉磯。

It was Glendale.

是格倫代爾。

So she hits me up and she goes, Hey, I'm in town and I don't pick up on social cues was like, Cool.

所以她打了我，她說："嘿，我在城裡，我不拿起 社交線索就像，酷。

Do you need, like, food recommendations or something?

你需要，比如，食物推薦什麼的嗎？

She's like, we should get a drink tonight.

她說，我們今晚應該去喝一杯。

And the second she said tequila, I was like, Oh, this is gonna be a freaking kind of nobody's ever had it tequila and just been satisfied with the hand job.

當她說龍舌蘭酒的時候，我就想，哦，這將是一種畸形的，沒有人喝過龍舌蘭酒，只是滿足於手藝。

So we're at this place we get Margarita were just chowing down chips and guac throwing back shots.

所以，我們在這個地方，我們得到瑪格麗特... ...我們只是大口大口地吃薯片和鱷梨... ...扔回鏡頭。

Boom, boom, boom.

嘣，嘣，嘣。

I think just in general I was stoked that she reached out to me.

我想只是在一般情況下，我很興奮，她向我伸出手。

This was the first time you met up outside of college and quite frankly, the first time we really talk, man.

這是你在大學之外的第一次見面，說實話，也是我們第一次真正意義上的交談，夥計。

At one point, I just remember that she was in the bathroom for like, 10 minutes, and when she left, I was like, I really like this girl.

有一次，我只記得她在衛生間裡呆了10分鐘，當她離開時，我就想，我真的很喜歡這個女孩。

She's pretty cute, like we got good chemistry.

她很可愛，就像我們有很好的化學反應。

Let's go back to my place.

我們回我家去吧

So we go back to my house and it's one of those, like, immediately the door opens.

所以，我們回到我家，它是其中之一， 喜歡，立即開門。

You're just making out in the hallway, which is funny because my apartment isn't that big.

你只是在走廊上親熱，這很有趣，因為我的公寓沒有那麼大。

We could have just taken two more steps and then been in my bedroom, but we were feeling it for whatever reason.

我們本可以多走兩步，然後就在我的臥室裡，但不管什麼原因，我們都有感覺。

We didn't even make it past the closet, you know, that's how you know you're freaking when the coat closet is getting all the action.

我們甚至沒有讓它過去的衣櫃， 你知道，這就是你怎麼知道你是嚇壞 當大衣櫃是得到所有的行動。

It's like, How do you get off me with Get in the room.

就像，你怎麼能用 "進房間 "來擺脫我。

You have a bad for reasons.

你有一個壞的原因。

So we go into the bedroom and we started hooking up and I'll be honest, man.

所以，我們走進臥室，我們開始勾搭，我會說實話，男人。

She was a cute girl, very attractive.

她是個可愛的女孩，很有吸引力。

But she has a body that I didn't even expect.

但她的身材是我都沒有想到的。

She had a reverse catfish body.

她有一副逆天的鯰魚體。

Now I don't know what to call this.

現在我不知道該怎麼稱呼這個。

She just had, like, I'm more like casual clothes.

她只是有，喜歡，我更喜歡休閒裝。

So I don't really know what the curve situation was looking like.

所以我真的不知道曲線情況是什麼樣的。

But let's just say I got to unwrap these Christmas gifts twice, okay?

但我只能說我得拆兩次這些聖誕禮物，好嗎？

Because I opened up the first layer.

因為我打開了第一層。

See her?

看到她了嗎？

She's cute, and then she takes her clothes off and she's got a body like a body body.

她很可愛，然後她把衣服脫掉，她的身體就像一個身體的身體。

All right.

好吧，我知道了

Thinking about a good body, nothing about a better body.

想的是好身體，無非是更好的身體。

That was her.

那是她。

I mean, you could fit more than an hour on that hourglass, which was great for me because I feel like I look like a malnourished scarecrow.

我是說，你可以在那個沙漏上裝一個多小時，這對我來說很好，因為我覺得我看起來像個營養不良的稻草人。

So I was excited, man.

所以我很興奮，夥計。

She was hot, having fun.

她很熱，很開心。

She's getting into it, you know?

她正在進入它，你知道嗎？

She's on top.

她在上面

She's like doing the direction I was all in.

她就像在做我所有的方向。

I was like, Look, use me as a bop it, pull it, twist it, kick it.

我當時想，你看，把我當做一個彈弓，拉它，扭它，踢它。

Whatever you need to do to my body, I'm down.

不管你要對我的身體做什麼，我都願意。

I want a woman who knows what she wants, and I'm down to listen.

我想要一個知道自己想要什麼的女人，而且我願意傾聽。

Long story short, we hooked up right.

長話短說，我們就這樣勾搭上了。

It was really good.

這真的很好。

I really enjoyed it.

我真的很喜歡它。

Now I know at this point you're like, When's the SEC's gonna fail?

現在我知道在這一點上，你會想，證監會什麼時候會失敗？

Well, guess what, nerd?

你猜怎麼著，書呆子？

It wasn't a sex fail.

這不是一個性失敗。

The sex was great.

性愛是偉大的。

It's more of just a sexual triumph.

更多的只是一種性的勝利。

And we use this title is click bait Boom at air horns.

而我們使用這個標題是點擊誘餌轟在空氣角。

You ever heard a click bait?

你聽說過點擊誘餌嗎？

Welcome to 2021 Nerd.

歡迎來到2021年的書呆子。

Your problems didn't go away.

你的問題並沒有消失。

Insert eagle graphic.

插入老鷹圖形。

So boom, fast forward.

所以轟，快進。

It's morning and she's leaving, which look a lot of guys, but oh, man, we were gonna go get eggs.

現在是早上，她要走了，看起來有很多人，但是哦，夥計，我們要去買雞蛋。

Benedict know me excited because I get to lay there and all of my little sex juice bed and then later on, my roommate walks in just to fuck with me, as roommates do.

本尼迪克特知道我很興奮，因為我可以躺在那裡，我所有的小性汁床，然後後來，我的室友走了進來，只是為了和我做愛，就像室友一樣。

Roommates are never productive when you're hungover and he's looking at this thing next to me.

室友在你宿醉的時候，永遠不會有收穫，而他卻在看我旁邊的這個東西。

He goes, What is that?

他說，那是什麼？

Uh what is what?

呃，什麼是什麼？

And then he grabs his foreign object and he holds it up like you just got a treasure map at the end of the movie.

然後他抓起他的異物，舉起它，就像你在電影結尾拿到一張藏寶圖一樣。

It looks at and he just goes, What is this?

它看著，他就說，這是什麼？

It looks like a hairball from a cat.

它看起來像一隻貓的毛球。

And then he had this moment and I've never seen his face just go so red he goes, Oh, fuck.

然後，他有這個時刻，我從來沒有見過他的臉 只是去這麼紅，他去，哦，他媽的。

This is a used tampon and he takes it, throws it in the air like it's just supposed to disappear into the iCloud.

這是一個用過的衛生棉條，他拿著它，把它扔在空中，好像它就應該消失在iCloud裡。

Nope, that puppy's coming right back down.

不，那隻小狗馬上回來了。

You know where it came down on my chest.

你知道我胸口的位置嗎？

I'm laying there.

我躺在那裡。

It starts rolling off.

它開始滾落。

I'm doing a little shimmy shake to get it off.

我在做一個小的搖搖晃晃把它弄掉。

Get it off, Get it off of me!

把它拿開，把它拿開！

Looking like Shakira at the halftime show, it kind of just rolls over and I scoot over.

看著像夏奇拉在中場秀，它有點像剛翻身，我就挪過來了。

So we both start freaking out a little bit and it wakes up.

所以我們都開始有點抓狂，它就醒了。

Roommate number three off the couch and he comes on in, and now he's yelling.

室友三號從沙發上下來，他進來了，現在他在大叫。

We're all making a big commotion.

我們都在大動干戈。

And in doing so, one of my roommates just stops and he goes, Look behind me on the wall and of course, don't have a headboard.

而在這樣做的時候，我的一個室友就停下來，他說，你看我身後的牆上，當然，沒有床頭板。

I just want to head, not a headboard.

我只要頭，不要頭板。

A.

A.

Leave it in there.

把它留在那裡。

Sure enough, you notice is the most perfect, beautiful blood outline of a used tampon.

果然，你注意到是用過的衛生棉條最完美、最漂亮的血色輪廓。

It looked like LeBron had a handful of blood through it in the air before a playoff game.

在季後賽前，勒布朗好像在空中打了一把血透。

So my brain immediately goes into connect the dots activity.

所以我的大腦立刻進入了連線活動。

And that's when it all clicked.

就在這時，所有的一切都被點擊了。

I looked at my roommates and I said, This is what went down.

我看著我的室友，我說，這就是事情的經過。

The only opportunity I think she would have had to sneak.

我想這是她唯一能偷偷摸摸的機會。

We do.

是的

This is when I was at the end of the bed.

這時我在床尾。

I'm taking off my skinny jeans being hot, you know?

我脫掉我的緊身牛仔褲是熱的，你知道嗎？

And she's thinking, Wow, that's that hot guy from the Internet.

她在想，哇，這就是網絡上的那個帥哥。

She was so turned on by my one viral video that she said, You know what?

她被我的一個病毒視頻吸引了，她說，你知道嗎？

I want to make a bloody margarita tonight.

我想今晚做一杯血腥的瑪格麗特。

It's either now or never.

要麼現在，要麼永遠。

And she reaches down and she fucking hut hut hike, lobs it back hot route, hits the wall and forgets about it and has a splendid night Boom.

她伸手下去，她他媽的小屋小屋加息，把它扔回熱路線，撞到牆上，忘了它，有一個輝煌的夜晚轟。

Call me Columbo because this mystery's been solved.

叫我Columbo，因為這個謎團已經解開了。

Is this wild?

這是野生的嗎？

Yes.

是的，我知道

Do I respect the fuck out of her moves?

我尊重她的動作嗎？

Double.

雙倍。

Yes, That is a power move beyond place the bodies like, uh, this week isn't good for us.

是的，這是一個權力的舉動，超越了地方的機構一樣，呃，這個星期是不是對我們有好處。

We're kind of booked.

我們已經訂好了

And she's like, Oh, you're about to get fucking book by something else.

她就說，哦，你要被別的什麼東西弄到他媽的書裡去了。

What?

什麼？

Pam and might I add?

帕姆，我可以補充一下嗎？

My roommates were freaked out, but deep down, I thought it was low key.

我的室友們都嚇壞了，但內心深處，我覺得這很低調。

Kind of hot that she did that.

她這樣做，有點熱。

She was like, This guy is so cool.

她說，這傢伙太酷了。

I'm just gonna go for it.

我只是要去了。

And in case you're wondering, we haven't talked since.

如果你想知道，我們還沒有談過，因為。

So if you're watching this, it doesn't need to be awkward.

所以，如果你在看這個，就不用尷尬了。

I'm pretty proud.

我很自豪。

Hey, thanks for watching that video.

嘿，謝謝你看這個視頻。

I'm Trevor Wallis.

我是Trevor Wallis

And if you like that video with me, go to the page.

如果你喜歡我的那段視頻，請到頁面。

They got a fuck ton of other videos of me and it.

他們有一大堆我和它的其他視頻。

So if you want to see me looking pretty, go to Comedy Central.

所以如果你想看我漂亮的樣子，就去喜劇中心吧。

You won't regret it.

你不會後悔的。

Uh huh.

嗯哼。

Mhm.

嗯

Yeah, yeah.

是啊，是啊。