I grewupintheNorthwestinLancashire, in a reallytinylittlevillage, and I wasliterallytheonlygayinthevillageformywholechildhood, which, withquitetraumatizingin a lotofways, it's a reallyclosedminded, closeknitcommunitywherepeoplehaven't seenmuchexpressionfrompeoplelikeme.
So I didn't fitinatallaroundthereand I neverletthatstopmefromexpressingmyself, and I alwayssawfashionandlooksas a wayofshowingotherpeoplehow I fellinside.
I knewthat I didn't fitinanyway, so I wantedtonotfitinevenmoreandbeabsolutelyfabulous.
Mhm.
I'm justadding a highlighttonewithmywhitecreambloodandsticks.
I wasreallyintoTimBurton, allofthecharactersfromJamesandtheGiantPeachandDelToro.
And I'm notreallyintoanythingthat's basedinrealitybecause I liketoescapefromtheworldthatwelivein.
Like I loveTarantinoPoisonIvy, SheraBlackWidowyouknow, strongwomenwhodon't takenoforananswer.
So I justfinisheddoingallmyhighlightinginthemiddleofmyface, and I'm using a darkerblueorjust, likegoaroundthesides, giveitsomemoredefinitionanddo a littlebitofcontouring.
Sowhen I wenttocollege, I studiedfulltimeartanddesign.
Itwas a reallyamazingexperienceforme.
I foundthat I wasreallyintomytextilesandmysewing.
I usedtheopportunitytotryandlearnasmuchas I possiblycouldaboutthat.
Buthalfwaythroughtheyear, I transferredcollegesdowntoLondon.
Then I gotkindofsuckedupintothenightlifescene, and I droppedoutofcollegeandbecame a became a fulltimeseenkid.
I guessfor a whilemycollegewaslikeoveranhourawayonthetrain, and I hadtobethere, like a everymorningorsomethingforsigning.
And I didwanttobeoutpartyingthenightbefore, somyprioritiesweren't quiteinorderbackthen.
I waslikehosting a fewnightsandstuff I wouldgooutwith, justlike a jockstrapandsomeplatformshoesand a chokerlikethatwasmymygeneral.
Lookbackthenand I wouldthink I wasdoinglikeclubkidcouture, which I reallywasn't atall.
It's justbeing a slut.
Nothingbeing a slotsbad, ofcourse.
So I'm gonnagowithsomemorebluepowderandjustbuildupthisthiscontouronthesideofmyface.
Atthispoint, I wasmaking a littlebitof a nameformyselfonthenightlifescenehere.
Butonenighton a night, ourparty, someonespikedmeandtookadvantageofme, whichwasreallyhard.
Twotodealwithandtoacceptasan 18 yearold.
Butthathadbeenmyexperience a fewmonthsdowntheline.
I wasvery, verysick, and I endedupbeingdiagnosedhatred, positivefromthisexperience, whichwasreallyquitetraumatizingandandhardtoaccept, andtounderstand, I feltlike I didn't reallyknowwhatHIVwas.
Atthispoint, I feltquiteuneducatedaboutit, anddragbecamemyescapeform.
Itbecamemymytherapyofsorts.
Itwasmymywayofexpressingmyselfwithouttellingpeoplehow I feltinwords.
If I feltwokeuponemorningand I feltreallysad, I painttearsallovermyfaceand I'd be a reallysadlittledollthatday.
Orif I wasfeelingangry, I'd paymyselfreadandturnedinto a demon.
Itwasjust a goodwayofmefeelingandlooking, how I feltwithouttellingpeoplethat I feltreallysadorreallyangry.
Butitreallydidgrowmeas a person.
Itittaughtme a lotaboutmyself, a lotaboutmyselfworthand a lotaboutHIV, and I don't thinkHIVhastalkedabout.
Youknow, I feellike I canusemyplatformtoeducateotherswhofeelhow I feltsixyearsagowhen I gotdiagnosed.
Sooneofthefirsttimes I gotintodrag I dressedas a lizardcreatureandlookinginthemirrorandnotrecognizingmyself, notseeinganysinglepartofmethatreflectedHarry.
It's thatfreedomofnooneknowswho I am.
Nooneknowswhat's underneathhere, and I firstofall, I committedtodoing a 100 daysofdrugchallenge.
But I gotpickedupby a fewdifferentnewsoutletsandmagazines, andeventuallyitjustseemedlikeitwas a wastedopportunitytostopit 100 days.
So I continuedontodoing 365 dayswhichitwas a bigcommitment, andthatkindofexposedmetomoreofanonlineaudienceandopenupmyopportunitiestothedrugindustry.
Anditalsohelpedmeinspeedlike I usedtotakethreeorfourhourstodo a fullbodylook.
Butnow I'm practicedand I'm fast.
Somynextstageistopaintallofthissectionlike a deep, wellblackcharityCasereallysuitedmycharacterandmeas a personbecause I'm notreallyintofastfashion.
Andsocharitycaseseemedtofitquitewellformeinthatinthatrespect, afterstartingmy 365 days, I startedgetting a fewrequestsforshowsandperformances.
Soitwas a bigdealformegettingonstageForthefirsttime.
I waslike a lumpydevilcreaturedoing a stripteasetoEarthaKitt.
I wannabeevil, and I threw a pieatsomeoneintheaudience.
Um, itwasverychaoticandtwistedsincethen, Myperformanceshavegonefromlikelipsinking, throwingpiesatpeopletonowmaking a potionas a witchoutoftoothpaste, beer, Cheetosanddrinkingit.
Somyperformanceshavetakenmoreofanextreme, likefreakshowturnoverthepastcoupleofyears, which I lovebeingabletohold a roombydoingsomethingdisgustingonstage.
I think I'vealwaysdressedquiteextreme, likeevenincasualdayclothes.
Dressingupmakesmefeelgood.
And I'm nevergonna, like, stopdoingthatbecauseitfeelslikeanopportunitymissedeverydaytobefeelingmyselfandhaving a nicetimeandcatchmyreflectioninthewindowandlike, Oh, yes, like I don't wanttogothatfeelingawayAndtheexperienceitselfisquiteadrenalinefueled.
I knowthatthere's probablygoingtobepointingandlaughing.
I dotendtoscarequite a lotofChildrenwithmylooks.
So I'venowstoodquite a lotofcrystalsonmyheadandmycheeks, and I'm quitehappywithhowit's going.