If you're gonna go on an adventure with us there are a few things you need to know.

This map will be your guide to Middle Earth, because who you meet on your quest is crucial.

You've got-

Creepy ugly goblins,

Unfriendly filthy humans,

the greatest people you will ever meet.

And the worst. Beware of the elves.

Who are the elves?

They're Middle Earth Royalty.

Tauriel is one of the dumbest girls you'll ever meet.

If you're so short, how come you're not a dwarf?

Oh my god, Tauriel, you can't go around asking people why they're not dwarves.

Legolas.

He's totally rich because his dad is king of Mirkwood. He knows everything about everyone.

That's why his ears are so big.

They're full of secrets.

I'm sorry that people are so jealous of me. But I can't help it that I'm popular.

And evil takes form in Thranduil.

He may seem like your typical backstabbing slut faced ho-bag,

but in reality- he's so much more than that.

He's the queen bee, the star.

I like what you're wearing, you're like really pretty.

Thank you.

So you agree? You think your'e really pretty?

Uhm....

Hop on loser, we're going shopping.

What are you supposed to be?

Smaug! Duh!

My precious...

Stop trying to make "Precious" happen. It's not going to happen.

I Wish we could all get along like we used to in middle school.

I wish I could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles

and everyone would eat and be happy.

He doesn't even go here!