for an entire generation, responsible for dispelling the stigma around “Video Games”

that lingered in America after the Crash of ‘83. But perhaps one of its most endearing

traits was that it could almost handle the arcade hits of its time. Everything from Teenage

Mutant Ninja Turtles to Operation Wolf to Rampage eventually found their ways into our

homes, via that big grey box. Not every transition was flawless, though; it’d still be several

years until the home consoles would catch up to their quarter-slurping equivalents.

This NES version of Bubble Bobble lacks a little bit of the shine of its stand-up counterpart,

but it’s still an awesome game in any form.

Bub and Bob went out for a walk. And then their girlfriends were abducted, and they

were turned into dinosaurs. Man, some neighborhoods are just ROUGH. Anyway, they now find themselves

trapped in a progression of mazes, full of weird-looking hostile things that want to

kill them, from mechanical wind-up... things... to these ghost things that throw rocks, to...

whatever those squid-looking flying things are... man. Enemy design back in the 80s must’ve

been a great way to put your acid flashbacks to good use. Anyway, as a newly-minted dinosaur-thing,

you can neutralize these threats by use of... Bubbles. And not the Powerpuff girl with the

pigtails, actual bubbles which you can exhale and use to capture foes. Man, that’s gotta

be SOME mucus. You might want to consult your physician if that lasts for longer than four

hours.

Anyway. Once a foe is trapped thusly, all you have to do is pop the bubble, by jumping

on it, running at it, head-butting it, what have you, and said hostile is expelled violently

and turned into an apple or a cucumber or something that might be tasty, if you didn’t

know where that thing has been. Still, points are points. In addition to their utility as

monster-capturing vessels, bubbles can be used as transportation, as hitting the jump

button while landing on one allows you to jump on it without popping. Now that’s gentle.

Improving your bubble-blowing prowess are power-ups that can extend your firing range

and rate, sneakers to speed up your movement, and some downright weird stuff like invincibility

hearts, potions to take you to secret levels, and umbrellas that let you Mary Poppins past

the next several floors. Yes. I just used Mary Poppins as a verb. Deal with it.

But it’s not all peaches and cream and apples and crystal things and the occasional freakin’

massive popsicle. No, you’re on a mission to save your honey after all, and that’ll

require trekking through more than a hundred stages. Fortunately, you can continue from

the beginning of any stage, and there’s even a password system if you need to put

the game down, tour a nearby arcade, and come back later. However, if you do leave the game,

you WILL have that song stuck in your head. The theme to Bubble Bobble is one of the great

Ear Worms of all time, and you WILL struggle to keep it inside your brain. And if a couple

bars leak out, every gamer who has shared in this bubble-bursting experience (and, from

my travels, that’s a very large number) will give you a look simultaneously broadcasting

understanding and grievous contempt... and they’ll start whistling it too. This song

is a disease, one that makes you wonder just how good a monster-turned-watermelon could

possibly taste. The world may never know.