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  • Eight dollars between the three of ya?

  • What are you, baristas?

  • Please don't kill us.

  • -Please! -Please!

  • No, no, I'm not gonna kill you because you're worth so much more alive.

  • What the fuck is this?

  • Hm?

  • You don't have any names in your contact list.

  • Special Guy from Candle Store?

  • -Oh, don't call him. -But you put him in your phone.

  • Well, I didn't wanna be rude.

  • Fine, whatever.

  • Ah, here we go.

  • Mr. Obersect, is that your father?

  • Ah no, that's an Uber driver.

  • You know, you don't have to put every single number that you're offered into your phone.

  • Well, I just moved here so I wanna make a network and - -Uh, fuck it!

  • Okay, let's see what we have here.

  • Um ...

  • Uh ...

  • What's with all the flames?

  • I rate each woman one to four flames.

  • -Ew! -Um, it's based on connection, not just sex.

  • -You're terrible. -No. -Grant, you're the new Grant.

  • -Don't you ever. -Okay, calling your dad.

  • Let's hope he wants to keep you alive.

  • -That's not my dad -Hey, you. -Come on.

  • Why even have a phone?

  • All of your contact lists are fucked up.

  • I'm going to have a panic attack looking at these.

  • You.

  • Who in this phone will pay to keep you alive?

  • My, my mom, my mom, my mom will!

  • Which one of these is your mom's number?

  • Oh god, ah, er, I'm not, like, 100 percent sure, she likes changes her sim card a lot.

  • Honestly, I just let her call me, mostly.

  • You have got to be kidding me.

  • -Uh, just like send them all an SMS or something? -A what?

  • An SMS.

  • -An S.O.S.? We're on land. -Siobhan messaging system? -Maybe?

  • Ooh, finally.

  • Hello, I believe you are trying to reach Rekha.

  • Well, if you ever want to see her ag -

  • Yeah, I-I'm in downtown Los Angeles.

  • Yeah, I'd love to contribute to the campaign.

  • I mean, I have eight dollars on me now, but I could probably write you a check.

  • Great.

  • Yes, I have a lot of strong opinions.

  • Thank you.

  • Yeah, same to you, sir.

  • Thank you.

  • Was that a senator?

  • It's important to stay informed and voice your opinions.

  • Did he when the next Town Hall was, or - -Yeah, it's next Thursday.

  • Can you make it?

  • I might be dead.

  • Good point.

  • Shit.

  • You have five contacts in here called "do not answer."

  • Yeah, I don't talk to those people.

  • Then why are they in your phone?

  • I have to keep track of them.

  • Oh my god!

  • I will chop off one finger for every second that I do not have a ransom number.

  • What, what about in case of emergencies?

  • Yeah.

  • -I'm your emergency contact? -Yeah, you're my friend.

  • Why, what am I in your phone?

  • "New girl from Work."

  • -I've been here eight months. -You were the new girl when I met you.

  • You're actually "new girl" in my phone too.

  • Oh my god.

  • This is the meanest thing anyone's ever done to me.

  • Go, go, go!

  • "Guy I'm working with."

  • You don't have any real names in here either.

  • Okay, actually, it's different because the people I work with don't give me their real names.

  • Hey, what's up, it's Ally from CollegeHumor.

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Eight dollars between the three of ya?

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