The year zero, Jesus of Nazareth is born.

33 AD, Jesus of Nazareth claims he is the king of kings.

Later in 33 AD, those other kings hear about this.

Soon after that, Jesus of Nazareth is promptly crucified and dies.

Three days later ⏤ psych! Jesus is totally risen.

Then, a bunch of other stuff happened.

The Middle Ages, followers of Jesus, aka Catholics, abstain from meat, dairy, and eggs on Friday and all of Lent, the ancient annual 40-day Catholic guilt-a-thon.

The 13th century, St. Thomas Aquinas clarifies that fasters should only abstain from meat from land animals because it makes us too happy, too horny, and too flatulent.

I guess that's true, maybe except for the horny part.

But anyway, that means fish is okay.

After that, a bunch of other stuff happens.

May 15th, 1940, Dick and Mac McDonald opened McDonald's favorite barbecue.

1948, McDonald's scales down to a burger and fries joint.

Using a Ford-style assembly line, they begin to get increasingly popular.

1958, a young restaurant manager named Lou Groen sees an ad for McDonald's franchise opportunities and buys one for a few hundred bucks on the Ohio-Kentucky border, right by Cincinnati.

September 13th, 1961, under Ray Kroc's guidance, the increasingly popular McDonald's rebrands with a now iconic golden arches.

Things are great.

Also in 1961, things are not great for Lou Groen.

Sales at his franchise are brutal, and he only has three employees: himself, his wife, and some dude named George.

To make things much, much worse, McDonald's only sold burgers and fries, and 90% of the people in his region were Catholic, which meant they ate zero meat during Lent, and hardcore believers abstained every single Friday for the entire year.

Catholics back then took the whole no-meat thing super seriously; ask an Irish grandma, or an Italian grandma, or any old lady with a crucifix that looks like they are judging you.

March 1962, Lou is in dire straights; Lent is upon him and his wealth of customers hath dried up.

But Lou notices the Big Boy down the street is slinging fish sandwiches in place of their burgers and the church-going crowd was biting hard.

So, on the third day, Lou fooled around in his kitchen, fried some fish, added some tartar sauce, and created a new McDonald's fish sandwich.

He took it to the McDonald's McBrass for approval, and they were like, "Number one, we don't want our stores to smell like fish, and number two, we were kind of working on our own meatless burger, too."

Okay, let's rewind a little bit.

At the same time Lou was eyeing up local fish fries, McBrass and McDonald's also noticed that Roman Catholics around the country are flocking away from the Golden Arches during this Lenten time of perpetual guilt.

So, Ray Kroc had an idea.

What's the obvious protein substitute that every red-blooded American would readily swap for their beef patty?

Yes, of course, the pineapple.

Quick tangent: In the 18th century, pineapples were so rare and novel rich people used to rent them for one night just to show them off at parties.

Okay, back to the story.

Yes, Ray Kroc proposed the advent of the Hula Burger.

One thick slice of grilled pineapple, two slices of traffic cone orange American cheese between two plain buns.

Yes, it is in fact a cheese and pineapple sandwich.

Ray Kroc really liked his Hula idea, but being the ever shrewd businessman, he also saw the potential of Lou's fried fish, so he made a wager.

Ray told Lou, "Well, Lou, I'm gonna put your fish sandwich on a menu for a Friday, but I'm gonna put my special sandwich on, too."

"Whichever sells the most, that's the one we'll go with."

Good Friday, 1962, the no meat knockout.

In one corner, weighing in at approximately 142 grams, Lou Groen's fish sandwich.

In the other corner, weighing in at also approximately 142 grams, Ray Kroc's Hula Burger.

Lou sold 350 fish sandwiches that day.

How many people opted for the Hula Burger?

That's right, six.

In 1965, Ray Kroc might have lost that battle, but he certainly won the entire war.

They named the new sandwich the Filet-O-Fish and officially made it the first new menu item ever added to McDonald's menu.

And obviously, it was a big hit, and not just with Lenten-bound Catholics.

Other people with dietary restrictions, moral issues, or religious beliefs that prohibited them from eating beef now had a reason to take communion under the Golden Arches.

Also, people who just liked fish.

Over the next 50 years, the Filet-O-Fish inspired fish sandwiches from almost every player in the fast food game, including an entire chain.

Also, McDonald's released a very short-lived menu item called Fish Bites that somehow I'm just hearing about now.

To this day, McDonald's sells hundreds of millions of Filet-O-Fishes every year, and still, a quarter of their sales are made during Lent.

Created out of desperation, inspired by divine intervention, designed for mass consumption ⏤ thank you Jesus, and more importantly, Lou Groen, for the Filet-O-Fish.