during the time when we  completely depend on their care.  

This happens because as young children we perceive  them as almighty, endlessly wise, and flawless.

We also believe that whatever they  do, literally - whatever - they - do,  

they do out of unconditional love And  because we think they are infallible,  

we consequently think that we are  at fault whenever a conflict arises.

In order to reduce any kind of conflict,  we develop patterns of behavior, feelings,  

and thinking designed to please our  parents and minimise any friction.  

Unfortunately, these patterns can lead to  a personality that is misaligned with its  

true spiritual self. And so, we grow into  adults that behave in ways that make us sad.

The Hoffman Process was designed to help us detect  

negative patterns of behavior, break them  and to become the person we really are.

To condense a lifetime of analysis into seven  days, the process is highly structured, very  

intense, and applies a multitude of techniques.  Afterward, participants often understand why  

they are the way they are and learn to let go  of the negative sides of their personality.

To understand how the process works, let us look  at three types of people who on the outside,  

look just fine, but on the  inside, deeply struggle.

Eva is 27, a university graduate, and  she has just started her first job.  

She's unable to trust men and is at a loss  when it comes to forming healthy relationships.

Jay is 51, an overachiever, and a respected CEO.  However, his marriage is broken and his two adult  

children hardly ever call. He asks himself  if that's really all that life has to offer?

Tom is 45, married with one child, but he's got no  friends. He lives with his family far outside town  

and signs up for the process when he realizes that  his daughter also has problems making friends.

Through the process Eva will realise that, when  her dad left when she was 4, and her mother then  

struggled as a single mom and a lonely woman,  it had a big impact on her. Over the years her  

own relationship with her father became broken  and she learned that men couldn't be trusted.

Jay will learn that his life was going great  up until his little brother was born — a funny,  

extraverted, and bright boy. Afterwards, Jay was  hardly ever noticed. Jay soon realizes that his  

parents would only pay attention to him if he  excelled in school or sports, causing him to  

grow into an adult who tries to be the best in  everything, in order to get the love he seeks.

Tom will realize that he was an accident — born  to a young couple who had just begun dating.  

As a young boy he was often neglected,  because their life was difficult.  

His parents who were overwhelmed by the situation  would often snap at him over the smallest thing.  

Little Tom began to think that he was the cause  of all misery — he should never have been born.

The process begins with a phone call from a  designated therapist. This is followed by a  

50-page questionnaire that helps their client  to reflect on their lives. Going through the  

questions, the participants identify particular  patterns in behavior and link them to their  

parents. Once returned, the therapist uses the  questionnaire to understand the underlying issues.

On day 1, all three arrive at the retreat, a place  isolated from the outside world. They hand over  

their phones and any books to ensure there are no  distractions. Tom then meets his therapist for an  

in-depth conversation. Afterwards, he gets to know  the other 17 participants and learns that everyone  

carries within them an inner child that manages  their expectations, thoughts, and feelings.

On day 2 Jay and the others  learn more about their parents  

and how their behavioral patterns have formed  out of love for their father and mother.

Jay, who only got real attention  when he impressed his parents,  

could never be good enough to  get all the love he needed.

Such conditional love is  negative because subconsciously  

Jay takes on the blame for  this disjunction and develops  

a 'core shame belief' — he begins to think  something is inherently wrong with himself.

And so, even after 50 years of  trying so hard to be the best,  

his inner child is still looking for the  unconditional love he got so little of.

On day 3, Eva realizes how the patterns she  established as a young girl subconsciously  

project into her adult relationships — anyone  who reminds Eva of her father, can't be trusted.

Through a group game later that day, she  experiences that there are men she can rely on.

Eva then accuses her parents of making her the  victim of their broken relationship - this is  

important because this way she can retrace  her negative pattern back to her parents. 

Afterwards, she learns to understand their story,  

because they too were once children,  with parents who had their own issues.

This is important because then she  can understand their situation and  

realizes that the way she was brought up  was all her parents were able to provide.

Now she can make peace with her past,  and her mistrust of men begins to wither.

On day 4, participants say goodbye to their  parents and their childhood and ask themselves: 

Where am I from? What injuries do  

I bring along from my mother and father? How have these injuries impacted my life? 

What strategies have I developed to  compensate for these injuries so far?

Jay, who didn't want to be reminded of the  painful thought that he's not worthy of his  

parents unconditional love, compensated by only  contacting them when he had outstanding news,  

such as another promotion. Knowing  that they would then surely listen  

and act predictably, he reduces  the risk of feeling hurt.

After this realization,  

Jay creates a development plan to follow  his vision for life after the process.

Day 5 is about our vindictiveness. Tom, who  didn't want to be reminded that he is the root of  

all problems, compensated for the pain he  experienced by hiding himself. At a young age,  

children keep their honor by thinking of how to,  

one day, pay their parents back  for the misery they caused them.

As we mature, such vindictive  thoughts move into the subconscious  

and by the time he is a teenager, Tom begins  to pay back. First by breaking the law,  

then by breaking all contacts  with his friends and family.

On this day, Tom stops feeling vindictive  

and makes peace with his parents. His inner  child regains his honor and grows in strength.  

Grown-up Tom can now leave his hiding place  and finally enjoy meeting other people.

On day 6 the participants get to know the  saboteur, the inner voice that warns us of  

any change in order to keep us in the safe old  world we know so well. Eva hears the voice,  

whenever she opens up to the opposite sex  — it whispers “remember, you can't trust  

men”. Tom hears it when he enters a group of  people — “you are not welcome here”. Whenever Jay  

tries to relax and be himself, the saboteur says  “Don't just do nothing! You are better than this!”

After getting to know this evil agent, they learn  how to deal with this enemy of our progress.  

Then the group recaps the entire process  and celebrates their new found selves.

On day 7 they learn practical tools on  how to cope with the change they will face  

when they go back into their lives.  Finally, they go home to their parents,  

to complete what they have started,  end their old lives and begin afresh.

The Hoffman Process was  developed in 1967 by Bob Hoffman.  

Today the process is being offered in over 16  countries and over 100.000 people have gone  

through this intense journey of self-discovery  — including Justin Bieber and Katy Perry.

To learn more about the Hoffman process, or to  read the research on it by the Harvard Center for  

Public Leadership, check out the descriptions  below. Prior to creating this channel,  

our founder went through the Hoffman Process  and it had a profound effect on his life.