tough situation and it's creating a really rough environment for me. Now, I'd like

to inform you that I will be touching on the topic of abuse in this video, and I will give

you a heads up before we dive in to that part. For ease of reference here are the time stamps

that you can work around. I want to make sure this is a safe space for myself and for the

viewers here.

I want to continue to share content online, but I don't feel safe doing so. I've been

relentlessly harassed online, as has the cohost on my podcast, who has received several death

threats, driving her to the point of wanting to quit. Despite my desire for privacy around

these challenging topics, I hope that by sharing some of my side of the story, some of the

commenters who have been most hurtful and aggressive will stop, or at least soften their

harassment of me and my friends.

Now, to those who don't think there's a problem here, you haven't seen the messages

I've received. Just yesterday I received this, and it's not the only instance; this

is a problem that has been ongoing for months. That's at one end of the spectrum. For those

of you on the opposite end of the spectrum, this is why I have been asking people to be

nice in the comments. Thank you to those of you being supportive and impartial. To others,

though, that have still been upset, and view their comments as honest, justified criticism,

I don't believe you have all the information, and therefore your criticism isn't accurate.

Unfortunately, I believe you've formed your opinion about me - not entirely, but in large

part - after being primed by Martina's emotionally charged comments.

I can understand why some of you feel so upset with me, and I'm sorry you've been led

to such hatred. There are two sides to every story, and I hope that you can hold space

for both. I am now going to share my side of the story about Meemers, my time in Hawaii,

and accusations of me being a Covert Narcissist. Please join me with an open mind.

Let's start with Meemers: As far as I'm aware, here's the narrative that has been

presented: Meemers is sick with life threatening Struvite Crystals, which is a blockage of

his urinary tract. These crystals are formed by stress, and because I have dogs, and dogs

stress cats, that's bad for Meemers' health. Also I live far away, and the drive will stress

Meemers, which is bad for his health too. And so, me wanting to continue to share custody

of Meemers is really selfish, and could kill him.

So, in terms of the Meemers situation, I think that's what I'm mainly hearing. This story

is definitely one that I can understand would be upsetting. As an animal lover, myself,

I'd be angry if I heard about someone insisting upon something that jeopardizes the health

of their pet, like when people force their cats on a vegan diet, and I can see how easy

it is for those people to feel angry in turn.

So, let's start here: let me say that Meemers wasn't sick in my care. He was using his

cat litter fine, drinking water regularly. He was on his prescription diet, all wet food,

and I gave him wet snacks throughout the day, in order to keep his water intake high. I

even found a special boutique shop that sells his favorite cat yoghurt like the ones Martina

and I gave him in Japan, which isn't really yoghurt, but a long thin package of wet food.

That's what would get him mlemming in all his pictures btw. (Cute 5sec vid of Meemers

doing that) I spoke with my veterinarian about the Struvite

crystals Meemers was experiencing. He told me that they're managed through a prescription

diet, and through ensuring that the cat drinks enough water, which is what I regularly provided

for him. I also asked my vet if it's ok for my cat to be alongside my two puppies,

and he said it's fine, so long as the diet and water intake are taken care of. Diet is

what the vet emphasized overall. So here comes the first part I'm struggling with: My vet

is telling me something different than what Martina's vet said. I can't say who is

better qualified, but I can say that my research into Struvite Crystals online also overwhelmingly

suggests that the condition can be managed through diet.

When Martina and I separated in May of 2020, we agreed to joint custody of Meemers. We

had agreed to have Meemers at my place for one month, and then hers the next. I brought

Meemers back to Canada in June of 2020, by myself, with no help. For those of you who've

travelled overseas with pets, you'll know how challenging a process this can be. During

our separation, his care and transport and papers were entirely my responsibility, and

his papers were under my name. When Martina came to Canada months later, she didn't

have his prescription food or litter ready, so I (rather than one of her friends or family

members) had to buy everything for her, and then set it up for in her mother's house

before she arrived. So now, let's talk about stress on Meemers;

Meemers and Fudgy got along fine. They both slept in bed with me, with Meemers at my head,

and Fudgy at my feet, and they'd touch noses in the morning. They were getting closer and

closer all the time. Then Fudgy would go off and do his puppy things while Meemers napped

in safe spaces made just for him, where Fudgy didn't have access. My place in Toronto

had two bedrooms, and Meemers had a whole room of his own, blocked off with baby gates,

and full of blankets, pillows and a dark closet. He would use it sometimes, though mostly he

hung around me and Fudgy, wherever we were around the apartment. Martina hasn't ever

witnessed Fudgy's behaviour around Meemers, because she's never been in my house. However,

I did see Meemers in Martina's house being bothered by her niece who really really loves

Meemers, while Meemers was trying to sleep, and this is something I raised as a concern

with Martina in private. And so, in regards to blaming Meemers' health

entirely on my home setting, I believe the narrative should be re-evaluated, and some

of the weights of that responsibility pie need to be redistributed.

Now, this isn't the first time Martina has tried to keep Meemers since our decision for

shared custody was made. Before Meemers' health was a concern, I was told to give up

Meemers because I had Fudgy; I was told it was not fair that I have an animal and she

doesn't. I don't believe that my getting a dog after the divorce means I forfeit the

right to my cat. If you have a child in your first marriage, you wouldn't be asked to

give up access to them because you had a second child. Pets are a blessing, and I hope that

Martina is able to enjoy the companionship of more animals in her life if she so chooses.

Later on, in January of 2021, after Martina began to publicly express her anger towards

me, she didn't want to return him to me because she thought I would give him Coronavirus,

and for his safety she couldn't give him back to me. The CDC said there's no evidence

of cat's getting Coronavirus. Unfortunately, our lawyers had to get involved in the matter,

since I didn't share the same concerns for cat Coronavirus.

Soon afterwards I was told that his Struvite Crystals have re-emerged, and Martina refused

to give him back to me as we had arranged. We eventually got back into sharing custody

of Meemers, but only for a couple more months. Once I started the process of moving from

Toronto to London, Martina started posting more online comments about Meemers' health.

She posted a comment that Meemers is 10, elderly, and that I live three hours away. None of

this is true.

Meemers was born around June 2012. When you were told he was 10, he was actually still

8. 
 It was stated that he's elderly. According

to what I've read, elderly cats are aged 11 and up. I don't see anywhere that suggests

an 8 year old cat is elderly. If you become a senior at 60, it'd be like saying you're

a senior when you're 48 to get the Pharmacy discount. 


It was stated I live three hours away and that driving is bad for him. I live exactly

168km away (Americans, it's kilometres, not miles). We both live a few minutes off

the highway, and from my experience it's an hour and a half on every ride I've taken.

And no, I don't drive 200km an hour. Also, for those of you who don't know/remember,

Meemers had these crystals at a very young age, back in Korea, and the vet at the time

emphasized the importance of a prescription diet and water intake. And, in Korea, we drove

him from our apartment to our studio daily, and brought him into a stressful working environment.

Meemers has been raised in changing environments
 After Martina's comments, I started receiving

much more harassment from commenters online and it really impacted my mental health, to

the point that I relinquished custody of Meemers in June. I had hoped that this would be enough

for Martina to be able to heal, process her emotions, and that we could move forward with

the goodwill we had originally intended. This is what I still want. Then, after all this

fighting for Meemers, I recently learned about Martina's decision to move back to Japan,

and that Meemers is being given over to her mom. I learned this from the comments in my

own post. So, that's my side of things with Meemers.

This has been a stressful situation for me, because I love my cat, and also because I

don't want to air our dirty laundry to you. We agreed to be respectful of each other online,

and to respect each other's privacy - it's section 3.1 in our separation agreement - and

it's been really hard for me to witness both her posts about Meemers' custody, and

the posts about myself, because I believe this stuff should be dealt with in private,

and it's what we agreed to.

When I was initially processing the divorce, I knew that it was going to be a very emotionally

challenging time, so I took a break from posting. I went through my emotions privately, with

lots and lots of therapy, and I'm glad I did. The 5 Stages of Divorce Grief are Denial,

Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. When I was going through the process and doing

the work, I was angry about Martina's past behaviour too - for her mistakes in our relationship,

for the hurts I felt. I also knew that posting that stuff online wouldn't be good for anyone.

If we only view ourselves as victims and others as transgressors, we're not going to learn

anything, and we're not going to heal. So, I worked through my stuff in private. I can

still feel compassion and consistent kindness towards Martina, because I know that just

like me, she makes mistakes and she struggles, we are human. It takes two to make a relationship

work, and it takes two to make it fail. And hearing only 1 side of private matters is

not going to give you an accurate picture.

So, Speaking of privacy, let's talk about Hawaii.

I went to Hawaii in January. I bought a ticket and boarded planes legally, along with many

other people. I took a Coronavirus test before flying out, another one immediately when I

landed in Hawaii, and then another immediately upon landing on the Big Island. Overall, I

took three tests from three different places in 72 hours, and all 3 were negative. I stayed

in a small house away from the tourist area of the island, not surfing and partying it

up. Instead, I spent my time meditating at isolated beaches, trying to figure out what

the fuck I was going to do with my life. I was actually making arrangements to move to

Hawaii in June, until the floods in the North Shore changed those plans for good.

My time in Hawaii wasn't something I wanted to share publicly, as it was a deeply private

personal trip. Mental health is incredibly important to me, and by going I was doing

something good for my mental health, in a time when it felt like the whole world was

falling the fuck apart. I didn't shoot videos there. I didn't want people to know about

it, and knowing that, Martina had and has no right to keep putting it online. What if

I were to post something private about her life and how she relates to the world?

I'm in a tough situation where I want to both honour our agreement, and not jeopardize

her relationship with her audience, the way my relationship with some viewers has been

soured, and I also just don't think it's wise to process our negative thoughts publicly,

especially while going through the heavy emotions of a divorce.

This situation is challenging me because:

I have my side of the story which I wanted to keep private

Martina is sharing things online when she's upset

Martina's angry posts are angering people and turning them against me

I want to honour our contract, and not cause Martina any harm.


Frankly, I don't know how to do this. Now I'm going to get into some heavier stuff,

so if some of you are triggered by talks of survivor abuse or narcissism, you can skip

past this section, to this part of the video here, if you feel comfortable to do so.

Ok. So, there's one last aspect I want to address: Martina has come forward as a survivor

of narcissistic abuse, and has told her audience that I am a covert narcissist. I'm really

hurt and honestly shocked that Martina feels that way.

From there, I don't know how to respond to this appropriately, so I apologize for

those offended or hurt in advance. I'm trying my best right now, and I worry that there

is no acceptable response to this. Being a survivor of abuse is a very serious title,

and claims for it should be taken seriously. At the same time, it seems like the qualifications

for being a covert narcissist cast a wide net. I fear anything I say is something a

narcissist would say, and narcissists are great at hiding their narcissism, so there

is no opening for me to address this. I will share with you that Narcissistic Personality

Disorder isn't the first diagnosis Martina has given me. Since the person who knows me

best made these claims about me, I took them to heart, and went to figure out how I can

fix myself, since I must still be fundamentally broken. All three of Martina's developmental/mental

health claims about me, I brought to therapy sessions with a licensed psychotherapist.

I've been assured that I'm not displaying any signs of the other two things I had been

name called in our marriage, and I've also been assured that I'm not displaying signs

of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Lastly, I'd be remiss to not say that I can also

remember five other people she has given this label to before me, some of whom were excommunicated