Put down the baseball mitt, son.

You see, Patrick when an employee and an employer

love each other very much,

a brand new job is born.

A job gives your life meaning, a purpose!

I want one of those job thingys.

Our man-child is becoming a man-man.

Oh good. Maybe he can move his can-can out of the house-house.

[gasping]

- You. - Woo hoo hoo.

We are in the middle of a show. What are you doing?

We need to get my golf club

and Grand Pat won't let me go upstairs!

[growling]

Grand Pat, Patrick needs that club,

which means the show needs that club,

which means we're getting that club! Ugh!

Ah.

Here. Argh!

- Get 'em! - Come on, Patrick!

- You got 'em buddy! - Yeah! Do it!

[gasping]

It's that weird guy. He wants my money again.

Uh, duck in.

I can see you, Mr. Star.

Nobody's home!

The sea bunny runs around the coral,

away from the baracuda and hops back in his hole.

[groaning]

So dapper.

This is Perch Perkins coming to you live,

from a local suburban home, where after a brief ceasefire,

for jelly sandwiches, a stair war continues to escalate.

Will those who want to go up the stairs stand down?

No!

Will those who want to go down the stairs stand up?

No!

Then we shall clash!

[grunting]

Charge!

Wow!

This is the most exciting stair war

of all the stair wars I've ever been to!

Look out! Incoming bread!

Sourdough! That's pretty cool!

[screaming]

Hey, Mom. Do you have any enemies?

Well, of course not, dear.

I love everybody!

[grunting]

[squealing]

Oh, but this toaster is really starting to tick me off!

[grunting]

[grunting]

[humming]

[mumbling]

[grunting]

[panting]

Hmm. Oh, I see the problem, now.

I forgot to plug it on.

[laughing]

Ah. You kids have it easy these days.

Back in my day, we were food.

Ooh.

What flavor?

Hush noodle brain.

Noodles.

It was way back in the

Patrolithic period of early cave stars.

Ooh.

Automobiles hadn't been invented yet.

So, there was no way to get to a supermarket.

Ooh.

We had to do our shopping in the wild.

[grunting]

Where the dinosaurs were shopping for us.

Oh!

[grunting]

[groaning]

It was just a matter of luck as to who would eat who.

[growling]

[sighing]

I guess things can't get any worse.

Oh ga... !

I'm here in the Star Family backyard,

where Grand Pat will attempt a frightening and stupid set

of daredevil stunts.

On what looks like,

an obstacle course built by a stark raving lunatic.

Oh, and here's our future casualty, now.

What are you doing there, old timer?

I'm making out my will.

Nobody gets nothing!

Ah ha, the elderly.

What's going on, sweetie?

Patrick went in the couch after the remote,

but now, I lost him in the dresser!

[laughing]

That's nice.

Is Patrick your imaginary friend?

What? No! He's your son!

My imaginary son is in trouble?

Then I'm going in after him.

[groaning]

This might take a moment.

So, we'll be right back, after a word from our sponsor.

[grunting]

It was the Dark Ages.

And I was the only to Toothsmith in the kingdom.

[groaning]

Almost... got it!

[groaning]

[grunting]

[groaning]

[grunting]

There! That's the last one!

You'll never have a toothache again.

Thanks.

Dirty laundry time.

Mom! I'm doing a show!

And I'm doing the laundry. Come on, open your dirty shorts.

Oh.

[grunting]

Hey, Mom!

Since you're here. Why don't you do that thing with your tattoo?

[laughing]

Oh, alright.

[humming]

- Hello! - Hmm?

- Can anyone hear me? - Huh?

I'm still in here!

What's going on?

See? This is why you need a remote.

Hey!

What's this? Bowling?

I love bowling!

I'll show you amateurs how we used

to knock 'em down before war!

Give me that ball!

[grunting]

Wee hee! Woo hoo!

[cheering]

How much for brain?

[giggling]

[grunting]

[moaning]

Op! Not mine.

Oh. Producing the Patrick's show every day

has got me burning the candle at both ends.

Yeah. I hear ya.

I think I need an extra pair of hands around here.

Well, why didn't you say so?

Here ya go.

I meant, we should hire any intern.

Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah! That's what I meant too.

My hands!

You found them.

Thank you, son. Thank you.

Now, back to business.

Oh, yeah. That's the stuff.

Ew.

Tell Ouchie I love him.

You can do it, brother!

[screaming]

Help! I'm too dumb to die!

Patrick Star!

What did I tell you about teasing the toilet?

Oh. I was just trying to find the funky smell.

Well, it's not Tinkle.

I give him a good scrub everyday.

Time for walkies.

[growling]

[screaming]

Wee! Yavo!

[screaming]

[screaming]

Hey, wait a minute. I got something caught in my teeth.

Hey. My golf club.

It's my Nina! I got my club!

[laughing]

Whoa.

[grunting]