Uncle Roger gonna review Nigella Lawson making ramen.

- I'm in no mood for that noise and chaos of a noodle bar.

So I make my own.

- Oh my God, her face and kitchen so pretty.

Nigella Lawson is M.I.L.F,

Mother I Like to Fry rice for.

but can she make ramen?

Let's see.

Let's see.

Before we start,

do you know my nephew Nigel

have his own podcast channel.

And sometime he review thing also,

like this one, he review a Chinese dating show.

Go check it out.

He trying to follow Uncle Roger footstep.

Let Uncle Roger know how he do.

Go watch and subscribe to Rice to Meet You podcast channel.

Link in description.

Go click it, go click it.

(static crackling)

(dramatic music)

- I've been told in no uncertain.

- Haiyaa, just start video,

and I already see it.

BBC.

And also why she hang all the colander

from the ceiling?

Haiyaa.

Nigella, you millionaire woman,

but you can't afford one drawer.

Haiyaa.

- Terms that no Japanese person

would ever make ramen at home.

Thing is when I need the cosseting

that only a bowl of ramen can give,

I'm in no mood for that noise and chaos of a noodle bar.

- Uncle Roger have to admit,

this is the most beautiful kitchen I seen.

This kitchen too sexy.

This not atmosphere for making food.

This atmosphere for making baby.

How many Christmas light you need to make ramen?

- (pot clinking) So I make my own.

And I start

with the Japanese broth, dashi.

- Dashi, Okay correct.

Good start.

But this camera guy.

I think he know what he doing.

Yes, of course it a he.

Why showing us this angle?

I think, all my nephew

dirt lick standing up now Haiyaa.

Pay attention to food, not to the two other thing.

Niece and nephew, don't be dirty.

Uncle Roger watching this video

because I like ramen.

Not for any other reason.

- And what goes in is all important.

Dried shiitake mushrooms already sliced.

- See that angle again.

- And we are firmly back in the universe of umami now.

And some ginger, lot of gingers.

Some might say an excessive amount of ginger

but I can never have too much of its spicy warmth.

- Okay. I like that she don't even measure.

She just use feeling.

Or a chef once say she just throw.

- You just throw.

- But why this motion at the end?

I think this just for camera.

When Uncle Roger say, use finger,

that not what I mean.

Proper chef, super busy in restaurant.

No time for elegant fingering.

- So I don't soak the dried mushrooms because I do it

as I cook.

This needs to come to a boil,

but first it'll stir and I can't,

I should be ashamed to admit,

eat with chopsticks, but I can stir with one.

- Of course you can't eat with chopstick.

You're supposed to use two of them, Haiyaa.

I think Nigella don't know how chopstick work.

Who stir with one chopstick?

So weird.

That like wearing only one shoe.

Nigella, why don't you give Uncle Roger

your phone number and address?

I send you my chopstick for free.

(jazzy music)

Ex-wife Auntie Helen gone for good.

So Uncle Roger available.

- And just about the one thing I remember

from physics at school thank you, Mr. Clark,

is that if you put a lid on (metal clinking),

everything comes to the boil faster.

- If that the only thing you remember from physics,

then Mr. Clark fucked up.

Niece and nephew, don't go to that school.

(upbeat music)

- And it boils.

And you can see the mushrooms beginning to plump up.

But they're going to plump up even more

and lose their flavor into the broth, so,

- Wait, what?

What?

Replay?

- They're going to plump up even more

and lose their flavor into the broth.

- You only put mushroom in broth for two minute

and you think it gonna flavor the broth, Haiyaa.

That not enough time.

What reality (water burbling) you live in?

The mushroom just met the broth.

They don't even have time to be friend yet.

Where the flavor?

You need an hour, at least.

- Lid on. (metal clanking)

So everything stays trapped in the pan.

(leave crunching)

This is baby bok choy but,

- Why her knife so small?

- Any leafy greens like this would do.

- Asian cooking, we love using big knife.

It faster.

Your knife so small.

By the time you finish cutting, there will be COVID-20.

(vegetable crunching)

- But I make it like this (stem crunching)

because the first time I ever cooked it,

I came back (stem crunching) home one evening,

I came back (stem crunching) home one evening,

I came back (stem crunching) home one evening,

- Nigella is saying to all the nephew out there,

don't think dirty,

Or else this is what I gonna do to your dirt lick.

(drumming music)

(laughing)

(signal beeping)

- I came back (stem crunching) home one evening,

so ravenous and just opened the fridge

and opened my cupboards.

And this is what I had.

- Her fridge only have bok choy, Haiyaa.

- I am all about the radishes these days.

Always have them in the fridge.

Food of the gods.

- Food of god?

No, no, no. (bass boosting)

Food of the god is MSG.

God don't like radish.

God like magic white powder.

I hear Nigella like the magic white powder.

Oh so (laughing)

(knocking on table)

(static crackling)

- I am all about the radishes these days.

Food of the gods.

- Radish is food of rabbit,

not food of god.

If radish is food of god,

Uncle Roger rather go to hell.

(lid clinking)

- And now into this delicate but deep broth go.

- Not deep, no flavor.

- Of the baby bok choy.

(splattering)

Along with the peppery juiciness of the radishes.

- This woman really like her radish.

Is she lobbyist for big radish?

Usually for ramen, the topping and broth,

you make separately,

because if bok choy in broth too long,

it become soggy and gross.

Also nobody really put radish in ramen, Haiyaa.

- And now a final flurry of flavorings

to augment what's already in the pan.

A husky hit of miso.

A husky hit of miso.

- Uncle Roger like watching this video

because I learning so many new English word.

Who knew husky hit just meant tablespoon?

This woman English so good.

Uncle Roger gonna call it my mi-cro-wa-veh

from now on.

- Milk, full fat,

which I've warmed in the microwave.

A dash of soy.

(water spattering)

- Oh that not enough.

- And the merest drop of toasted sesame oil.

- No, don't, don't put merest drop, Haiyaa.

Use more.

Use more.

So stingy, this woman.

Is she trying to save money?

Also she have her own crazy measurement system.

- A husky hit of dash and the merest drop.

- Haiyaa.

Just say use feeling.

She describe her cooking like she writing poem.

Is she chef or is she English teacher?

- And the leaves of the baby bok choy go in.

And another stir.

- One chopstick again.

- The leaves need the merest wilting

and miso mustn't be boiled.

- Miso cannot boil.

She correct.

But this not right way to make flavoring

for your ramen soup.

Japanese people, they call this soup flavoring tare.

Tare is the most important element in ramen.

Ramen without tare is like Uncle Roger without orange polo,

or like Jamie Oliver without chili jam.

If your ramen don't have tare, you fuck up.

But tare not made like this.

You make the miso tare separately.

And then put in bowl at the end.

Stirring in miso paste is not making proper tare, Haiyaa.

Nigella, just use MSG.

Don't bother with your half-ass miso flavoring.

MSG make everything better,

including your shit ramen skill.

(lid clanking)

- My ramen requires two more elements.

First, an egg.

(clanking)

(egg shell crackling)

- Egg too white.

You need to marinate.

- Second, noodles.

I mean, I cook these before.

- Noodle.

Usually ramen noodle yellow in color.

Why this noodle so white ?

Kinda sus.

I think it not ramen noodle.

- But it doesn't matter that they're cold,

because the heat of the broth will warm them.

(dramatic music)

(water splattering)

I could eat this just as it is,

but I, I feel it incumbent upon me to arrange it

in a calming Japanese order.

- Where got calming?

Where got calming? (echo)

This bowl of noodle stressing Uncle Roger out.

- Arrange it in a calming Japanese order.

- You call this arranging.

You're not arranging.

You just poking.

Uncle Roger never say,

I gonna arrange my table

and then go (poking).

(dramatic music)

(ceramic clinking)

- All there remains for me to do is,

- Okay, egg yolk a bit runny.

It perfect, I give her that

- Sprinkle over, the green parts of a spring onion,

- Spring onion.

Good, good.

- And a little bit of dried chili.

- Dry chili.

Uncle Roger would prefer using dry chili

to make your tare instead of sprinkling at end.

More flavor.

- And I don't want to puncture the mood of cozy serenity,

but I do have a comedy contraption

with which to eat my ramen.