and spend more time buying one wok.

Hair so silky, but no wok.

So sad.

(beeping)

Good news, niece and nephew.

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They are so impressed 50 year old uncle like me

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Niece and nephew, if you live in the US,

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All the Asian culture cartoon you cannot watch.

Haiya!

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How?

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And now we start video.

Hello, niece and nephew.

It's Uncle Roger.

Few week ago, Uncle Roger make video

with Ozzy Man Review.

We watch all the cooking fails.

So satisfying.

So Uncle Roger wondering are Australian people

better than British people at making egg fried rice?

So today I found this cooking YouTuber from Australia.

His name, Nat What I Reckon.

Let's see how good his egg fried rice skill is.

Before we start, niece and nephew,

I want you to smack like button.

Smack like button now

like how your parents smack you when you fail your test.

(upbeat music)

Oh no!

Packet rice to start, oh!

(slide whistle whistling)

Oh, wait, what he doing?

(vacuum whirring)

Oh.

(upbeat music)

(sighs)

Uncle Roger, I see packet rice, I feared the worst.

Nat What I Reckon,

don't start your video like this.

You almost gave Uncle Roger heart attack.

(vacuum whirring)

Uncle Roger think packet rice is so bad,

vacuuming packet rice

is showing too much respect to packet rice.

The rice go into the vacuum,

even the dirt inside the vacuum going,

who the hell is this?

Why you vacuum this trash next to me?

(whistling)

- What's goin' on, la champignons.

Let's have a bit of a chat.

- This guy, so many tattoo.

Hmm.

When Uncle Roger going up,

I see people with so many tattoo,

I assume they are gangster.

But now a day when you have so many tattoo,

I assume you make latte.

Uncle Roger think this kitchen look too clean,

too minimalistic.

I think this guy Nat, he hate clutter,

except on his skin.

This is like white people kitchen.

In Asian culture, the messier your kitchen is,

the better your food.

Uncle Roger see tidy kitchen like this,

I don't expect to eat egg fried rice.

I expect to eat avocado on toast.

- Anyway, we're here to cook fuckin' fried rice.

This shit on this shit.

There's the fuckin' ingredients.

Get fucked.

- Haiya, why he cuss so much?

Every two word is F bomb.

Nat, you cooking egg fried rice,

not getting divorced.

Why you say F word so much?

From now on Uncle Roger gonna bleep out the F word

with Chinese sound.

(Chinese string music)

YouTube, please don't de-monetize Uncle Roger.

I am family friendly channel.

Is Nephew Nat right here saying all the F word.

He put ingredient on screen.

Let's see what he have for his egg fried rice.

Oh, shitload of garlic!

Oh my God!

Okay, that is only time cursing acceptable.

You can use curse word to describe garlic.

Only other time you can use cursing

is when your ingredient list,

you list out fuckton of MSG.

- Right, so here's the big trick with fried rice.

You can't just (Chinese string music) some rice

and put the hot rice in with the hot ingredients

and expect it to be awesome fried rice.

- Correct, correct.

Never use hot rice for your egg fried rice.

- If you don't know how to cook rice, don't worry about it.

Here's a flashback from the other week.

(bell dinging)

For each cup of rice, it's one and a half cups of water.

Wash all the stupid shit off the rice

that makes the rice stick together.

Use cold water.

Don't use warm water or you'll cook the rice!

Put it in the pot,

bang it on the stove.

Put a pinch of salt in it, bang the lid on.

Bring it to the boil.

Once it's boiling, turn the heat down.

Keep the lid on it until it's (Chinese string music) cooked.

Right-o, champ--

- Niece and nephew,

you ever notice when you ask white people how to make rice,

they give it this long explanation

full of mathematical formula.

One cup rice, one and half cup water,

put on stove, simmer 10 minute.

Haiya, too much, too many instruction.

You ask Asian people how they make rice,

they just tell you,

you put in rice cooker and press the button.

What are you stupid?

Just buy this thing.

World War II is over, use technology.

When Uncle Roger tell my white people friend

to buy rice cooker,

they always tell me, "Sorry, cannot buy rice cooker.

No space for this single purpose appliance.

Rice cooker is single purpose appliance."

But then I go to their house and I see toaster!

Toaster also single purpose appliance.

Why you have that, but not rice cooker?

Rice cooker is better kitchen appliance than toaster

because rice, you can have for breakfast, lunch, or dinner.

Toast, you can only have a breakfast.

So not versatile.

If your parent make you toast for dinner,

they don't love you.

That is their way of telling you you adopted.

(laughing)

Sorry, adopted children.

(static buzzing)

- While the rice is cooling down, cut all this shit up,

but keep these aside with your eggs.

(knife chopping)

- Okay, okay.

The cutting quite pro.

- Get your two eggs.

Crack 'em into a bowl.

Eh.

And gently whisk them together, champion.

Right-o.

Right-o.

- I don't like how he throw shit around, haiya.

You need to treat your kitchen appliance with respect.

If Uncle Roger throw shit like this around

my parent would beat me.

Because Asian parents respect their kitchen appliance

more than they respect their children.

Uncle Roger so, so much respect for my wok.

Every day I talk to my wok,

ask him how his day is.

It's my only friend now.

Uncle Roger love my wok so much,

I think I am pansexual.

(cheesy romantic music)

(beeping) - Now over to the stove.

Right-o, first cab off the rankage,

silver pan. (pan clattering)

Put the pan (pan clattering)

(laughing)

Turn the (Chinese string music) special, little heat on.

(Chinese string music)

I've lived here for almost (Chinese string music)

three months and I still (Chinese string music)

can't work this thing out.

Right one.

- This is cute.

You can tell this guy not professional,

but quite charming.

- (Chinese string music) Not even a minute, done.

Set 'em aside, (Chinese string music) off,

in their own little bowl.

(bowl clanging)

Get your bigger pan.

- No, no, no!

Nephew Nat, where your wok?

Where your wok?

You got all the step correct so far,

but you don't have wok, haiya!

Maybe you should spend less time conditioning your hair

and spend more time buying one wok.

Hair so silky, but no wok.

So sad.

- The right one.

Now you want to get this one nice and hot.

Couple of tablespoons of sesame oil.

- No, no, no, no, no.

Sesame oil not for cooking.

Sesame oil you use for flavoring later.

For making egg fried rice,

Uncle Roger like to use peanut oil

because I want my fried rice to be able to kill off

all the weak peanut allergy people.

Niece and nephew, just kidding.

Uncle Roger love all my niece and nephew,

including the weak one.

If you have peanut allergy,

your life so sad.

You go to Asia, you eat egg fried rice,

is like Russian roulette.

Will I enjoy my meal or will I die?

Let's find out.

- All right.

Now get this shit, put it in that shit.

Add your peas.

You want to kind of fry it off

until you see the meat start to go a little brown.

Now the hot tip is try and use a wooden implement

and not a metal one.

- Oh my God!

He use wooden spoon on nonstick pan!

Correct!

Correct! (children cheering)

Uncle Roger respect this nephew.

- Next, fang your egg back in,

stir that round.

And then add your rice in.

Now add a couple of tablespoons of oyster sauce

and a tablespoon of soy sauce.

Now (Chinese string music)

- Oh no, no, no.

Nephew Nat missing the most important ingredient.

MSG.

How can you miss the king of flavor?

Many niece and nephew asking Uncle Roger,

why I like MSG so much?

What does MSG taste like?

MSG taste like umami.

Umami flavor is the best flavor.

The basic tastes is sweet, salty, sour, bitter.

All of them are bullshit.

All I want is umami taste.

Umami taste like happiness. (sentimental music)

It taste like first love.

Taste like warm embrace from your lover.

Next time you feel lonely, just eat some MSG.

Before MSG, Uncle Roger life in shamble.

Ex-wife Auntie Helen left, took everything.

I become homeless, sitting on street.