[gasping]

It must've belonged to someone who was number one.

There's only been a handful of number ones

in the entire history of forever.

That's right, SpongeBob, and you're one of 'em.

Really?

This hat says, hey, I am number one,

and I let gravity do my drinking.

This hat was made for you, boy.

You were born to wear this hat!

[squealing]

[clucking]

Huh.

[mumbling]

Hmm.

[mumbling]

- Hello, numbskulls. - Hello, dodo!

You guys are so gullible.

See?

I did everything that attracts a sea bear, and nothing happened.

If sea bears really exists, why didn't one show up?

Maybe it's because you're not wearing your sombrero

in a goofy fashion.

Oh, pfft. Sorry.

How silly of me?

You mean like this?

[laughing]

No. Like that.

[growling]

[screaming]

[roaring]

[screaming]

Well, actually, there was

a railroad convention in town last week,

and I bought myself this nifty Conductor's cap.

I have never seen a more ridiculous

looking object on top of anybody's head anywhere.

I don't now.

Suits my needs.

What else did you buy at this convention?

Your very own locomotive?

[laughing]

Yes.

Hey, man, you look like you've had a rough day.

How'd you like to chill out with a nice massage?

It's free.

Free, huh?

Free.

Eh.

Okay. Let's get this over with.

Remember, this is the cold blooded test.

Just take his temperature.

You got it best friend.

Don't call me that.

Boop.

[mumbling]

Don't do that!

Now. I can show you how the pioneers hitch-hiked.

[humming]

What the?

She's beautiful.

There once was a man from Nantucket.

[gasping]

Sorry, wrong one.

Wow! Thanks, SpongeBob!

These camouflage outfits should help us find out

what Squidward's Secret Wednesday secret is.

[laughing]

Patrick! Tee time, Patrick!

Patrick! Wake up!

Ready to lose?

Weather permitting, of course.

Aw! How are we supposed to golf in this downpour?

Our putters are getting waterlogged.

So, this is the kitchen.

Hmm.

This grill is not in very good shape.

Oh, we don't use grill.

We cook everything on the roller.

[screaming]

Good luck, kid.

[mumbling]

[sighing]

I can't believe it.

They kicked me out of the Cephalopod Lodge.

Do we get to join the lodge?

Were you dropped on your head when you were a baby?

[gasping]

How did you know?

Psychic powers.

At last, I have found my calling.

And I am, Patrick Man! Defender of Bikini Bottom!

Come in, SpongeBob.

Hello.

Hey, I can hear you in my head.

This is great.

While I'm taking the test,

you can give me all the answers.

Wait a minute, Patrick.

Won't I look silly with this antenna coming out of my head?

Cool. State of the art jellyfish nets.

- Touch. - Don't touch.

Wow! The harpoon from Jellyfish, the movie!

- Touch. - Don't touch.

Look, Doctor Man O' War!

The guy who got stung by Big Lenny and lived.

And now it only hurts when you touch it.

Ow!

Touch.

Do I have to follow you all day?

From now on you'll be twice as busy

and I expect you to wear two hats.

'Cause along with your usual try cooking duties,

you're my lead reporter

for the new Krabby Khronicle.

Oh! My very own press badge!

That's right, boy.

And here's your very own camera.

See, you'll need it

to document all them juicy stories you're gonna write.

Excuse me, sir.

How do you think you'll do in the race?

Hello out there, Bikini Bottom.

I'm glad I can finally talk to my adoring fans on television.

Best of luck to you.

Oh. Excuse me, miss.

Look, here he comes!

Who?

Thank you, Mr. Ranger.

Yeah, thanks.

My balloon!

[gasping]

Wait!

Hold on. Stop that bus!

Oh, not again!

Just got an order from the boss.

Dump everything that isn't about fine dining.

Everything?

Everything.

Come on, come on, come on.

Quicker, quicker!

Jelly, jelly.

Let's go, let's go, let's go!

[mumbling]

Come on! Let's get moving.

Hurry up! What do you think I'm paying you for?

You don't pay me. We don't even exist.

We're just a clever visual metaphor used to personify

the abstract concept of thought.

[gasping]

[squealing]

[squealing]

[crying]

Well, everyone,

I hope this doesn't put a damper on things,

but I just checked and, well, it's just

that all my money is... gone.

Yodel-Ay-Hee-Hoo.

I'm good enough to join the Bikini Bottom Men's chorus.

I promise.

Yuck.

Perhaps Squidward didn't see me.

Figaro!

[coughing]

Figaro!

This giant pothole ought to get his attention.

Figa... oh!

Oh.

Oh barnacles!

What am I gonna do with this dip?

Patrick!

[screaming]

What are you two morons doing?

Waiting to watch the sunrise with you.

- At 3:47 in the morning? - Uh huh.

- In my bedroom? - We come here every morning.

You sneak into my house every morning?

Uh huh.

[mumbling]

It's our favorite pastime.

Tada!

What did you wish for, Patrick?

Another piece of paper.

And what did you wish for, little girl?

Front teeth.

I could use a new hat.

Gotcha!

[screaming]

Where were you on the day of today?

Don't play games with me, mister!

Hey, Patrick, what are you doing?

Oh, hi, SpongeBob.

I'm just continuing my investigation

of the great Clamo Caper.

Um.

Have you found out anything?

Yes! No, wait.

Uh.

No.

Captain Scarfish!

Hello.

[screaming]

Stand at attention, Mr. Krabs!

I want you to tell me the meaning of this!

Oh, that sir?

Why, sir, that's a sea cucumber sandwich, sir.

With the crust cut off, sir.

A little boshie amusie for the boy, sir.

This is the Navy, son!

We don't cut the crusts off!

We eat the crust to throw the rest away.

So, I want this ship to the good and scary!

You mean you want it to look good and scary?

Well, I think we could probably...

No, no.

I think he means he wants it to look so good that it's scary.

Or maybe that by looking so scary,

you forget that it doesn't look good.

I don't get it.

Hello there, Heaven's little wonder.

Take me on a chocolate vacation.

Woo woo woo woo.

Ugh.

[humming]

By the all seeing eye.

Thee are worthy.

There it is, Oyster Stadium.

Not only do they have the largest oyster

held in captivity, it also does tricks.

He spit the giant pearl 100 feet in the air!

Like a cannonball.

Why are we hanging around watching a cheap imitation?

Let's get over there!

[panting]

I think I wrote a poem once.

A poem by Patrick Star.

Roses are blue.

Violets are red.

I have to go to the bathroom.

How many times I gotta tell ya?

This is gym class!

What do you think, Patrick?

Do I look tough?

I wouldn't mess with you.

Nor I with you, my friend.

Let's ride!

And why aren't you in uniform?

It's about time you got here!

Here you go, Your Majesty.

I can't drink that!

Why not?

Are you blind? Just look at it!

Send these slanderers...

to the guillotine.

[screaming]

Wait! You don't understand!

We're not from here.

That's because you're witches,

who were sent by Plantanomor to destroy me.

No! We're time travelers.

[growling]

Help me out here, Patrick.

I'm not sure there's anything I can add at this point.

Stroke, stroke, stroke.

How are we gonna find a monster in the dark?

I can't see a thing.

We have to find it.

It'll find us.

[growling]

[screaming]

I start this thing?

Oh. Here we go!

Woo.

Kinda hot in here.

[laughing]

Should my underwear be on fire?

How many x-rays of Mr. Krabs do we need?

Just one. How many did you set it to take?

Twenty five...

Thousand.

I'm a... this is getting a little frightening.

[mumbling]

No more pictures, please.

Beware! Let it be known to all far and wide,

the Mollusks are coming!

Tally ho!

The Mollusks are coming!

The Mollusks are coming!!

Not the Mollusks!

Mollusks! What Mollusks?

Litter.

Looks like someone missed the trash basket.

Huh, Mr. Candy Wrapper?

[laughing]