I ate all the mac and cheese.

- What? When?

- Just like now.

- And you didn't tell me so we could split it?

- That would mean I'd only get half of the last

of the mac and cheese.

- Fair.

Okay, well, thanks for the update, I guess.

- You got it.

- What?

- I looked at her story.

- What?

- I looked at her story.

- What? The ex?

- Yeah, of course the ex.

Who else would I be talking about?

- Okay, well, why are you so upset about it?

Morbid curiosity about one's past lovers

is a natural human response.

- Oh my frickin' God,

I forgot you have therapy right before this.

- Okay, what is the big deal?

- Well, now she's gonna know

that I like looked at her story.

- Wait, what?

- She is going to know that I'm stalking her.

- You didn't look at it from a Finsta?

- My what?

- Your Finsta.

- My Insta?

- Finsta.

- I don't know, I don't know what you're saying.

- Are you telling me you don't have a Finsta

for Insta stalking?

- What, is that like, like a private account?

- No, that's a private account.

I'm still associated with my private account.

I'm talking about a Finsta.

It's a fake profile with a non-existent avatar

so you can just stalk at will

without messing up your discovery page.

- Is that like really a thing?

- My God, men are like two years behind

in digital stalking savvy.

- Okay, well, I don't think that's bad.

- Okay, then just set one up.

Bingo, bango, your problem is solved.

Then you can look at her stories

without feeling the shame that she knows.

- Isn't the point to like, not look so that I heal faster.

I mean, if I engage with her on that level,

aren't I just exacerbating my pain and reopening the wound

and picking at scabs.

I mean, isn't looking at her social media

just gonna prolong my heartbreak and suffering?

- Your entire existence is suffering!

- Hey!

- Because you're human!

I mean, look, let's face it,

you can't not look.

So you can either just like live in that anticipation

and shame and spiral until you eventually crack

and then look at it,

or you could just die by a thousand cuts.

- That's the worst advice I have ever heard.

- Is it, or is it practical?

Do you really think you have to self restraint

to not look at her social media?

'Cause you didn't even have the self restraint

to not eat all of the mac and cheese.

- I knew it was about the mac and cheese!

- It has my name on it, dude!

- Okay well you said

I could have a bite - I said you could have a bite

I didn't say you could eat - If you said

I could have a bite, then I have a bite.

(both talking over each other)

- ...eat the entire thing.

- Okay, you know what, you are right,

I'm sorry I ate all your mac and cheese,

I'll get you some more.

- Thank you.

- Okay, but like for the Finsta,

do I have like a fake profile photo?

- No, just leave it as a blank avatar.

That way she'll see it and wonder who's looking.

And that question will live in her mind rent free

until she's dead.

- Wow, that's pretty ruthless, but okay.

- Hey man, she broke your heart.

It's the least you can do.

I'm Anna Akana, I have two Finstas

and thank you to the Patreons for supporting today's video.

And of course thank you to Audible

for sponsoring today's episode.

You can go to audible.com/anna or text A-N-N-A to 500500.

With a 30-day free trial

you get one audio book credit every month,

good for any title in the entire premium selection

of bestsellers and new releases.

And regardless of price, you keep it forever.

You also get full access to the Plus catalog

and can listen to thousands of included titles.

I have been listening to "You're Not Listening"

by Kate Murphy,

What You're Missing and Why it Matters.

And it's so far been a really fascinating problem identifier

of how our engagement and our listening

have just gone completely downhill in the age of technology.

And to no one's surprise, conversation is dying.

You know, we put our phones on the table face up

and reach for them as reflexively as we would our forks

or our knives.

We disappear into our screens

during any lull in a group dynamic.

And we shut off our social interactions in real life

in favor of digital ones.

So Kate Murphy has been telling me all about

how I can stop doing that

and listen more to the people around me

to enrich my relationships.

So you can listen to "You're Not Listening" and more

by going to audible.com/anna

or by texting A-N-N-A to 500500.