Happy birthday.

生日快樂。

Happy birthday.

生日快樂。

It's our birthday and we'll black out if we want to.

今天是我們的生日，如果我們想的話，我們就會黑掉。

No, no.

不，不。

I mean you can, but I'm going to refrain.

我的意思是你可以，但我要剋制。

I can only have two glasses of biodynamic and organic wine chilled, preferably white or orange.

我只能喝兩杯生物動力和有機葡萄酒的冰鎮酒，最好是白葡萄酒或橙子。

No added sugar.

無添加糖。

Okay, well, I'll just sip on my vodka pineapple with a splash of cran.

好吧，那我就啜飲我的伏特加菠蘿，加點克蘭。

You would, you're not gonna feel anything tomorrow.

你會的，你明天不會有任何感覺。

I bet you won't feel anything.

我打賭你不會有任何感覺。

Right?

對嗎？

Right, okay.

對，好的。

Well, you're me from the future.

嗯，你是來自未來的我。

So, dish the deeds.

所以，要盤點事蹟。

Do I have kids?

我有孩子嗎？

No, I'm married.

不，我已經結婚了。

I'm not even close.

我還差得遠呢。

Do I?

我有嗎？

At least have like a boyfriend?

至少要有個男朋友吧？

That's pretty presumptuous.

這是很自以為是的。

Oh, you still think you're straight?

哦，你仍然認為你是直的？

Uh well, it's kind of up in the air right now.

嗯，現在還有點懸而未決。

It's like a whole thing.

這就像一個完整的東西。

It's kind of complicated.

這有點複雜。

But technically, no, we're alone.

但從技術上講，不，我們是孤獨的。

Okay, next, you're gonna tell me we're like some sad lady with six cats or something.

好吧，接下來，你要告訴我，我們就像一些有六隻貓的傷心女人或其他什麼。

How many do you have right now?

你現在有多少人？

3?

3?

Okay, well, no, you do not have six cans okay anymore.

好吧，好吧，不，你沒有六個罐子好了。

What?

什麼？

Oh my God, is there anything in my life?

哦，我的上帝，我的生活中有什麼嗎？

That's good in a decade?

這在十年內是好的？

Uh well, you own a house.

呃，好吧，你擁有一棟房子。

Okay, that's cool.

好的，這很好。

Homeownership, technically the bank owns the house.

房屋所有權，從技術上講，銀行擁有房子。

And with this economy maybe they always will.

在這種經濟形勢下，也許他們總是會這樣。

Oh my God.

哦，我的上帝。

Is it chad hide me?

是查德藏我嗎？

No, I just looked to the left and I like got a kink in my neck.

不，我只是向左看了看，我的脖子上好像有一個疙瘩。

Okay.

好的。

Sorry.

對不起。

Oh God.

哦，上帝。

I went to sleep last night.

我昨天晚上去睡覺了。

That was a mistake.

這是個錯誤。

I just destroyed my spine.

我剛剛摧毀了我的脊椎。

My God, my life is so pathetic and fucking sad.

我的上帝，我的生活是如此可悲和他媽的可悲。

I have no friends, no love, no life.

我沒有朋友，沒有愛情，沒有生活。

Okay, well that's a bit much.

好吧，這有點過了。

I would disagree right now, you're a bundle of insecurity, blind optimism and self indulgence.

我現在就不同意，你是一個不安全感、盲目樂觀和自我放縱的捆綁。

I am self awareness.

我是自我意識。

Self confidence and pragmatic nihilism.

自信和務實的虛無主義。

Really?

真的嗎？

Because it just seems like you're jaded and sad and your body is falling apart.

因為它只是看起來你很頹廢和悲傷，你的身體正在崩潰。

That's true.

這倒是真的。

My knees, Oh my God, I don't want to end up like you, my whole life is ahead of me.

我的膝蓋，哦，我的上帝，我不想落得像你這樣的下場，我的整個生命在我面前。

I have boundless excitement and energy.

我有無限的興奮和活力。

I'm gonna change the world.

我將改變世界。

You know, this chair has really good back support.

你知道，這把椅子有非常好的背部支撐。

I wonder what the brand is.

我想知道是什麼品牌。

Okay, I'm, I'm gonna go.

好的，我，我要走了。

I have like a party with a lot of people waiting for me.

我就像一個聚會，有很多人在等我。

Okay, hold on, hold on.

好的，等一下，等一下。

We haven't done gifts.

我們沒有做禮物。

Let's do a little gift of gifts.

讓我們來做一個小小的禮物。

What the is this?

這到底是什麼？

It's nonstick.

它是不粘的。

I wish I had that 10 years ago.

我希望我10年前就有這樣的想法。

You don't even need oil.

你甚至不需要油。

This is used.

這是在使用。

Oh mm You got me champagne after I said the thing about no added sugar.

哦，在我說了不加糖的事情之後，你讓我喝香檳。

Well, thank you for this.

好吧，謝謝你的幫助。

Um, I can't have it.

嗯，我不能擁有它。

I'll have a zip and a migraine tomorrow morning.

我明天早上會有一個拉鍊和一個偏頭痛。

So you can just my God, I have to stop this.

所以你可以只是我的上帝，我必須停止這一切。

I cannot turn into you.

我不能變成你。

Oh my God, you're so sad.

哦，我的上帝，你是如此悲傷。

This is like some back to the future ship.

這就像一些回到未來的飛船。

I have to change the timeline.

我必須改變時間線。

Okay, listen, kid, chill out.

好吧，聽著，孩子，冷靜下來。

This is a natural part of aging.

這是衰老的一個自然部分。

You know when you turn 30 you're gonna physically recoil at any event that starts at nine PM or later, you're gonna have to eat, Eat well and exercise religiously to stave off the crushing weight of a slow down metabolism.

你知道當你30歲時，你會對任何在晚上9點或更晚開始的活動感到恐懼，你必須吃，吃得好，並虔誠地鍛鍊，以避免新陳代謝緩慢的沉重負擔。

You will have to date with an eagle eye for long term compatibility instead of being able to walk around and waste a few years on someone's potential.

你將不得不用鷹眼來約會，以獲得長期的兼容性，而不是能夠四處走動，在某人的潛力上浪費幾年時間。

Oh my God, none of that sounds good.

哦，我的上帝，這一切聽起來都不好。

I like my life right now.

我喜歡我現在的生活。

I like staying up past midnight and being spontaneous and sucking someone five times a day.

我喜歡熬夜到半夜，隨性而為，每天給人吸吮五次。

Oh my God, just the thought of that.

哦，我的上帝，只是想到這一點。

You just wait and see.

你就等著看吧。

I'm never gonna change.

我永遠不會改變。

By the time I'm 30, I'm gonna be exactly the same.

到我30歲的時候，我也會完全一樣。

Oh, alright, well have fun kids.

哦，好吧，孩子們好好玩吧。

You don't even know.

你甚至不知道。

Oh ship, happy birthday.

哦，船，生日快樂。

30!

30!

Happy birthday!

生日快樂!

Who are you 40?

你是誰40？

I'm gonna need a hot tea with a wedge of lemon and three ice cubes.

我需要一杯熱茶，加一瓣檸檬和三塊冰塊。

Oh God.

哦，上帝。

Okay.

好的。

Okay, I can do, I can do it.

好吧，我可以做，我可以做。

I can do the reality of someone giving me a used pan.

我可以做到有人給我一個二手鍋的現實。

I would be so funny.

我將是如此有趣。

Like what the fuck dammit dammit dammit.

像什麼他媽的該死的該死的該死的。

I'm anaconda.

我是巨蟒。

Thank you The patrons who supported today's video and as always, thank you to my daddy squarespace for sponsoring today's episode.

感謝支持今天視頻的贊助者，並一如既往地感謝我的爸爸squarespace對今天節目的贊助。

My father, my biological dad, squarespace makes it easy for creators to monetize their content and expertise in a way that fits their brand with member areas.

我的父親，我的親生父親，squarespace讓創作者以適合其品牌的方式，通過會員區輕鬆實現其內容和專業知識的貨幣化。

You can unlock a new revenue stream for your business and free up time in your schedule by selling access to gated content like videos, online courses or newsletters.

你可以為你的企業開闢一個新的收入來源，並通過出售對視頻、在線課程或新聞簡報等門檻內容的訪問權來釋放你的時間。

Thanks Daddy Plus online booking and scheduling is available, making it easier than ever for clients to schedule classes or cuddle sessions.

感謝Daddy Plus的在線預訂和安排，使客戶比以往更容易安排課程或擁抱課程。

They have easy access to your availability and can reschedule online, taking the hassle out of coordinating calendars.

他們可以很容易地獲得你的空閒時間，並可以在網上重新安排時間，消除了協調日曆的麻煩。

If you're a content creator like myself using video, my Daddy has videos, you can create pro level videos effortlessly.

如果你像我一樣是一個使用視頻的內容創作者，我的爸爸有視頻，你可以毫不費力地創建專業水準的視頻。

Daddy's video studio app helps you make and share engaging videos so that you can tell your story, grow your audience and drive sales.

爸爸的視頻工作室應用程序幫助你製作和分享有吸引力的視頻，這樣你就可以講述你的故事，增長你的觀眾和推動銷售。

Honey, head to squarespace dot com for a free trial and whenever you're ready to launch, go to squarespace dot com slash ana and use code anna for 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

親愛的，前往squarespace dot com進行免費試用，每當你準備好啟動時，前往squarespace dot com slash ana，使用代碼anna，首次購買網站或域名可獲得10%的折扣。

Thanks Daddy.

謝謝爸爸。