- Hey girl! - Let's be real. You clicked on that video, so that's sign number one.

Oh my God. Really?

Really? Tick tock on your relationship, baby.

But in all seriousness, obvious signs that you should break up are:

One: More fights less talking despite efforts to work it out. Two: Any relationship that involves lying, cheating, stealing on the regular or even just once. And Three: Abuse.

If you're in an abusive relationship, whether you're the victim or the perpetrator, get out now.

If any of the above apply to you, please tell me.

Okay, none of those apply to me.

Okay, so we're looking at more subtle signs.

Yeah, are there any more nuanced signs that I should break up?

Girl, do you have time for a rabbit hole?

JK. Let's get into the question.

Are you unhappy?

Are your needs consistently not met? And is communication no longer working for you?

Yeah, I avoid going home at all costs.

Well, I'll see you tomorrow.

What are you doing today?

Probably just work.

Fascinating. Tell me more.

Um, I was just gonna like work on my script, answer e-mails, you know.

How are you feeling about that lately?

It's fine.

It's work.

- Which I should...- I don't have a lot going on today.

You know, admin emails, property management stuff, gotta clean the litter boxes.

Yeah, well...have fun with that.

Have you met anyone new?

- Ok. You just don't want to go home. - Yeah. I just don't want to go.

So "yes" to all of the above.

Okay. Looking good or bad, depending on how you look at it.

Are you on completely different pages when it comes to critical life choices?

What about marriage?

No.

Kids?

No.

Not even adopting?

No.

Living together?

No.

Wow. Okay.

That's no problem, right?

No.

I mean, yeah.

Next. Do you compromise your values in this relationship? Because consistent self betrayal will lead to unhappiness, resentment, and eventual destruction.

Yeah, I mean, I think so.

Have you grown apart because people often evolve and most relationships cannot stand the test of time?

Yeah, Lately we've definitely grown apart and by lately, I mean, the last year and a half.

Do you not want to have sex at all anymore?

Oh God, no, I dread it.

I mean, I've been dick dodging every day.

It's dangerous.

Oh, well, it seems that the meter hath spoken.

But I will ask you one more critical question now that you'r staring down the barrel of a breakup, are you feeling the opposite of love?

Indifference?

Yes.

And honestly, when I think about breaking up, it gives me a sense of relief.

I stay because I'm lonely and I don't know what it's like out there in the post pandemic dating world and I feel a sense of responsibility and obligation and guilt.

I'm unhappy and I've tried everything I can, but ultimately, I don't feel like this is my person.

They haven't done anything bad or scary like cheating.

So it makes it even harder to tell them,

"I'm not in love anymore."

There, there, human.

Staying in a relationship that you no longer want just prolongs the unhappiness of your partner.

It's unfair to keep them in something that you're out of clear as kind.

You're right.

Clear is kind.

Would you like me to recommend another video for you?

"How to deal with the breakup ft. dodie?"

- Yeah, sure. Added to my watch list. - Would you like me to download Tinder and Hinge and Bumble?

I would say wait till we break up. But why not look at what's out there?

They've been cute.

Good luck out there.