but it can be hard to will ourselves to pay full attention.

Here's how to make the behavior stick,

first, get in touch with your motivation.

Why are you doing this?

Why are you taking time out of your day

to watch this and work on building this skill?

Maybe your boss told you that you need to get better.

In which case this is something important for your career

advancement or maybe a friend or colleague said something

about you're not listening well and you realized,

"I want to do better, I want to be a better friend".

Keep your reasons in mind as a way to stay focused.

Second, know that becoming a better listener

is a powerful way to show other people that you

care about them and their perspective.

You can probably even think back to romantic comedies where

the hero or heroine is extolling their love interest.

He's such a good listener.

It's a subtle and quiet skill,

but it's one that makes a deep impression.

Third, listening well enables you to understand

the real problem or the real issue.

Here's the thing, if you've been listening in a cursory

fashion for years, you might not even realize it,

but the information you're taking in might only

be the surface, the tip of the iceberg.

But when you become a better listener,

you get access to what's hidden,

the nuances that can make all the difference.

Especially if you're a manager or you aspire to be one,

this is critical.

Why aren't two employees getting along?

What's the reason the project's been held up?

Often, there's a surface reason and a real reason,

and to actually solve the situation

you need to hear and understand the real reason.

Fourth, embrace your curiosity.

We all have curiosity.

People are interesting.

But we often tamp it down in the course of our work life

because we have to get things done.

But when you open that up again,

when you start to think like an anthropologist,

you get to ask, "Why is that the case?

Why does she feel that way?

What's really behind this disagreement?"

You'll end up getting useful information and also learning

a lot about humanity.

Finally, to get into the mindset of listening,

it's important to recognize the consequences of a person

or a team not feeling heard.

Someone tries to tell you something and again and again,

they realize it's not getting through.

What do they do?

Well, first of all, they stop trying.

You won't get the information you need to function

as a leader.

Second, they start to resent you because they

feel disrespected.

Third, they become less effective because instead of

asking for what they need,

they're spending their time devising work arounds

that are probably inefficient.

There are real consequences to people not feeling heard,

and real benefits when they do.

Getting clear on that, why it's truly important to master

this skill will help you become even more effective at it.

(upbeat music)