Imagine this.

You wake up with 200,000 subscribers that you achieved by shooting vlogs in other words, making content out of your life.

People tell you that you don't upload enough, but you don't blame them After all, demand is a form of praise.

It's only natural for people who like your content to want more of it.

And even though you would technically like to make videos more often, the issue is that it's not just about not being lazy and picking up a camera because you're not a character in a show.

You're just you.

That's the thing about being real in front of a camera because sometimes real people don't feel like going anywhere on the weekend or sometimes they just don't feel the need to take a video of everything.

But if you don't feel like going anywhere, there's suddenly no content because your life is your content.

And even though you could record a bunch of videos in your room, it wouldn't bring you any fulfillment because it's never been about getting consistent views.

It's always been about sharing new experiences and stories and capturing moments, real memories but surprise that means that you can't fabricate your content.

You can't just pump out real moments one after another.

The best ones always happen naturally and you never know when you've been led to believe by people and Youtube itself that getting the bag is what matters the most, but what if you don't want to play the Youtuber game, you never sought to become an influencer.

You just like having your own nook of the internet where you can share ideas and experiences I guess recently I've just been like feeling really weird about making videos here in Japan because I would spend like days sitting in my room thinking about how to make an interesting video where I could go to like show you guys, you know, and while doing so I like forgot to enjoy Japan myself if that makes sense.

Like I haven't posted a video for like two or three weeks now and I like felt bad.

I was like funk, I need to, I need to figure something out.

I need to like film something, talk about some interesting topic or something and I realized, wait, why am I spending my time thinking about how to showcase my life.

It's like, I feel like I'm putting pressure on myself for nothing.

Like imagine if I spend this entire day just thinking about what to make a video about in my room instead of just like going somewhere.

Today was really nice weather.

So I prayed for my family in the shrine.

I saw the beautiful night scenery of Kyoto and explored another part of the city where I hadn't been before anywhere I go nowadays.

I think about what sort of vlog or Youtube short I could make at that place because I keep telling myself that I don't want to waste the potential of me being in Japan, which is probably not the healthiest way of thinking about my year of study abroad here.

But at the same time I can't seem to get rid of that mindset because I actually love making videos.

I love how it allows me to capture memories in a way that photos never could.

But I think when you're making content out of your life, the balance between capturing memories and living in the moment is incredibly fragile.

But yeah, anyways, what do you think and how have you been?

Hooker thoughts are a little less chaotic than mine.

Wait, am I am I just overthinking fug?