That's my day job.

Uh, in Seattle.

Don't worry about it.

Your kids are fine.

Teach high school right out of college at 22 years old.

Right out of a conservative Christian college.

They're like, "We're gonna have you teach sex ed."

Because apparently their philosophy was those who can't.

Are you gonna have the lunch lady teach health class too?

What's going on here?

I teach world history now.

I teach world history, which is fun.

I like to teach world history.

It allows me to teach the kids about things they've never thought of before.

Maybe you've never thought of this.

They didn't call it World War I at the time.

That would have been super pessimistic.

"Well, there's gonna be a bunch of these things. So, uh, we'll just call this one, one, and we'll see what happens."

Right?

What they call it at the time, nybody know? The Great War. That's right.

And H.G. Wells, he referred to it as the war to end all wars, which didn't work out very well.

Call it World War I at the time would be like, if I would have walked up to you and be like, "Here, I'd like to introduce you to wife number one, gonna be a bunch of these things. So..."

I'm not an idiot.

I should introduce her as the great wife to be safe.

And now the wife to end our wives, cos I'm not doing it again.

Teaching history also allows me to teach about race issues.

And so it's very important in our country right now.

I also recognize not really the right guy to do it, right?

Like super bald, super white dude.

I'm one neck tattoo away from a hate crime right now.

Me and this guy teaching your history class. No way.

It's always the wrong people that get on their high horse about race though.

It's always like suburban white soccer moms are like, "Mm, I just don't see color."

"Oh, that's because you live in Utah."

"No, I don't see color. I don't even see it."

"Yes, you do. And it's fine that you don't notice color. Just don't judge people based on what you see. It's all."

"No, no, no, no, I'm color blind."

"No, you're not."

Plus that's not gonna work because you know what you still see when you're color blind? Black and white, right?

Being color blind just makes Asians gray.

But you can still tell.

You guys did well with that one. That was fun.

Yeah.

I love my students in appropriate amounts.

Uh, it is important.

You ever met that teachers like, "I love kids."

"All right, back off."

Love my students. They have some weird names which can be kind of awkward.

Some weird names and parents are giving out some weird names, which is fine. I think that's great.

Give your kid a weird name.

You just can't get mad at me if I can't pronounce or spell your weird name.

That's all I think, right?

A girl got mad at me recently because I misspelled her name on the board for everyone to see which can be embarrassing.

I understand that.

But her name was Rose.

I was like, "I don't, I don't think you can misspell that word, right?"

She goes, "Yeah, it's Roze."

"Well, I'm pretty sure your parents were wrong. Looks like when they had you, they made two mistakes."

Oh, you guys don't do standing ovations for jokes. OK, fine.

Another kid, his name was spelled G-a-g-n-o-n.

Like Gagnon, like, "Hey man, what are you gagging on. Everything good?"

This is kind of a weird name. Whatever.

I call him that all year long until the end of the year, I heard his girlfriend, she goes, "Hey, Gagnon, come here."

Because it was French.

I was like, "Dude, I've been calling you Gagnon for nine months. You didn't say anything."

He was like, "I just kind of thought you were being a jerk."

"I just thought your parents were weird. I don't know."

Nobody cares about spelling anymore. Right?

Because we got spell check and we got auto correct, and that takes care of most things, but not everything.

Like if you're like me and you get that red squiggly line under a word and then it gives you 10 options to choose from.

You're like, "It's harder now."

Uh, I didn't know the first time.

I'm not gonna know when you give me 10 multiple choice options to choose from. Right?

Just throw something in, Bill Gates.

I don't know.

Like I just got essays back from my students about their future plans; what they wanna do after high school.

And a bunch of them were like, "I'm defiantly going to collage."

You're gonna angrily do arts and crafts for your Joann fabrics future.

That's the big paper mache plan, Brad.

I can tell there are people in the room right now. They're like, "I don't get it. I don't, I have no idea what he's talking about."

No, you're not.

"Definitely going to college, right?"

Like maybe community collage but not like, or like Utah State or something, but not.."

Don't get upset with me. I just googled the worst college in Utah.

It's not on my faults.

Did I pick the right one?

I don't even know.