is abandoned by her elderly owner.

She waits seven minutes for him to come home,

and then quits forever when somebody new comes to feed her.

Her friend, uh, "Shnucky", offers to let her live in her house.

"I'd rather starve," says Sasha wandering into the woods.

She decides to start living in a pile of firewood and eating roadkill

instead of the various homes she was offered for basically no logical reason.

Some guy rips her collar off without asking

(to be helpful!)

and then runs away screaming "Watch out for clan cats!"

She takes this advice literally and then goes stalking around for violent strangers in the woods

until she sees ? THE HUNK OF A LIFETIME ?

...oh, and uh, Jaggedtooth and Rowanpaw.

She then shows off by stepping on a frog.

The look on the big handsome cat's face is priceless.

Papa Murderface then flirts with her instead of defending his borders.

He then decides they're dating based on this exchange, and they cuddle until he finds her kittypet collar.

He tells her it's a cursed object that needs to be confiscated, but she doesn't buy it,

so Tigerstar disappears in a puff of purple smoke,

his plans foiled again.

Then she gets attacked by several thousand foxes.

Really absurdly weak foxes.

Tigerstar gets beat up, so she drags him back to her flammable house

where he tells her more about how kittypets suck.

She is a kittypet.

This is a warning sign that Sasha is in a bad relationship.

Then Sasha brings Tigerstar to her old home to meet her old friends.

He insults everything and everyone she likes.

This is a warning sign that Sasha is in a bad relationship.

He tells her that if she's with him she can't talk to her friends anymore.

This is a warning sign that Sasha is in a bad relationship.

Then Tigerstar takes her to Shadowclan,

where she's lied to about the nature of Shadowclan

and her cute boyfriend repeatedly

and then given one night to decide if she wants to cat-marry him.

On her way back home she meets that guy again,

but now he's sick and dying

because he doesn't have access to society and medicine.

"Sucks to be him!" says Sasha, immediately falling into Tigerstar's secret evil meeting hole.

She then overhears Tigerstar completely confusing the Warrior Cats timeline

by claiming that he has yet to lead the dogs to Thunderclan

when he's been talking about Firestar as if he's their leader for the entire book now.

Jeez, Tigerstar, get it together, you're supposed to be the main antagonist here.

"I can't believe he doesn't even remember what book Bluestar died in," says Sasha,

running in the opposite direction for several days.

But then Tigerstar teleports behind her and demands to know if she wants to be cat-married,

and then makes fun of her and calls her names when she refuses.

This is a warning sign that Sasha was almost in a bad relationship.

She decides to go back to the humans now that she doesn't have a boyfriend.

She travels deep into the city and somehow manages to waltz into the Salvation Army and learn her owner is

dead based on the fact his clothes are there.

Then she gets caught by Edgeclan,

kicked out of the city entirely

and ends up on a boat.

...yeah.

Sasha begins her new life as a pirate.

She stays on the boat long enough to give it a line down the street of humans all coming to see a cat on the boat.

There are t-shirts printed. There are paintings.

She saves the new old man's life...

...and then winter comes and she decides to leave.

Why, you ask? Because Sasha is pregnant.

All of that stuff happened within less than two months.

Uh... somehow.

Sasha has decided that the best way to raise her children would be by starving in the woods

instead of letting a kind old pirate feed her entire plates of professionally prepared chicken.

She names the kittens after her three favorite things:

birds of prey,

stepping on frogs,

and epic rap battles of warriors.

She then decides that she hates Tigerstar.

...for a few minutes, before she learns he's dead

and decides she likes him again.

Kittens see that she's sad and go out to buy her a real house with their allowance to cheer her up.

But it explodes, tragically, with Tadpole inside.

Then Pine brings them to a farm where they're immediately kicked out.

So Sasha thinks this is a good time to tell her kittens that Tigerstar was the

B E S T

before joining Riverclan on an impulse.

The kittens turn into apprentices and learn all about the terrible things Tigerstar did,

so Sasha lies to them a little bit more

so they go back to thinking he's great.

This couldn't possibly go wrong in the future.

Leopardstar then tries and fails fifteen times to make Sasha into a warrior.

We learn that Sasha is more afraid of letting Shadowclan know she had kittens with Tigerstar

than literally abandoning her children,

so she proceeds to literally abandon her children.

The end.

[Moonkitti laughs] [Captions by Emma Shear]

It's, that's what happens.

She's, she's self conscious or something.

At the end, she's, she like,

she's worried that she'll be judged, or her kittens will be judged or something, for being Tigerstar's kits,

so she just goes.

[Moonkitti laughs] [Captions by Emma Shear]

She's like, "Bye guys!" and then Tigerstar's ghost appears behind her, and Tigerstar's ghost is like, "Don't worry,"

"Don't worry, I am watching those kittens for you, I'm totally gonna keep my eye on them,"

and then he only keeps his eye on Hawkfrost, like, what the heck, Tigerstar.