Meanwhile, trapped in a cage, Leafpaw brags about catching all of her own food, even though

she's a medicine cat apprentice and does no such thing. Then she describes clan life in too much detail just in case someone decided to

Start reading the series at Dawn! Cloudtail, Brightheart, Mistyfoot sit through this description in some sort of sarcastic, tired, hopelessness.

Then the Twolegs throw in Sasha who apparently has been hanging around this whole time!

Half the cats that were travelling get back to Thunderclan, but nobody is home. The phone rings, "Hello?"

Asks Squirrelpaw. She turns around and is suddenly attacked by Cinderpelt who tells them that the clan has relocated to Sunningrocks, which

belongs to Thunderclan by the way. They come back home,

But the only person happy about them coming back after taking off for four months to talk to badgers is Ashfur.

They tell everyone about the tribe and the clan decides that they don't like the direction that Warrior Cats is taking.

Apparently at this point in the story, Dustpelt, Sandstorm, and Graystripe are already considered senior warriors???

Everyone invites their leaders to their secret Club meeting at Starbucks!

But everyone fights instead of ordering anything. "If we go how will the fifth clan find us?" says Firestar.

"Starclan?" asks everyone else.

"Uhh, yeah, sure Starclan.." says Firestar.

And don't worry if you forgot about Squirrelflight and Leafpool's magic connection! The authors forgot too, so Spottedleaf needs to tell Squirrelpaw

what's up with Leafpaw.

After Brambleclaw won't help her do a dangerous

rescue mission on her own, Squirrelpaw settles for the next buffest cat, Sorreltail.

But they fail miserably,

so they need to go and get help anyways.

And then Thornclaw and Graystripe kill a man! The cats all escape except for Graystripe who gets life in prison.

"I always knew that Graystripe was an idiot.." says Firestar about the cat he made deputy.

Brambleclaw and Squirrelpaw worry minorly about the prophecy where they destroy the clan, but then they forget about it forever!

Then everyone just kind of stands around for several days, just to make the book a bit longer...

"You know I think Hawkfrost is evil." says Ashfur.

Nobody believes him. Larchkit dies, Hollykit dies, and Shrewpaw dies, but none of that matters because they didn't matter!

Two out of five of Ferncloud's kits remain. Then Cinderpelt and Leafpaw go over to Riverclan to kill Mudfur.

Then Windclan and Tawnypelt come over! Their territories are being attacked by the tractors. The Clans finally band together to fight off the machines.

Apparently cats can't kill tractors? :3

So they settle for just evacuating ShadowClan instead.

Squirrelpaw saves Shadowclan and Brambleclaw saves Squirrelpaw. Starclan tries to kill Firestar with a tree.

But they fail for now! Then they bring all the other Clans back to Sunningrocks.

Which now belongs to everyone, but Riverclan. This is canon. Have I mentioned Cody? Cody's been here. SaY hEnLo To CoDy EvErYoNe!1!

You'll never see her again!! After wasting a few hundred more pages doing absolutely nothing, the three NOT terrible Clans decide to leave.

Even though there's absolutely no logical chance that Graystripe will not only escape the Twolegs,

But also find the clans,

Firestar refuses to name a deputy. All the old people want to stay behind to die. For some reason everybody just lets them do that.

I mean Tallstar and Runningnose are still coming and the books have done everything in their power to let us know that they're old,

so it's kind of pointless guys! You can still come, you don't need to die! *Moonkitti noises* Whatever.

Bye bye Frostfur! bye bye Dappletail!

And LOUDBELLY apparently.

Just as they're about to leave Sasquatch shows up and tries to steal her children back. >:3 When that doesn't work,

she tries to manipulate the situation by announcing that Tigerstar is their father!

Unfortunately all this accomplishes is summoning his ghost.

Squirrelpaw sees an airplanes trail from highstones and decides that it's a sign from Starclan!

And then everybody heads out towards the airport.

And then everybody walks and does nothing. (x3) and *more Moonkitti noises*

*Over the mountain and through the woods to the new lake we go! Mudclaw's the worst, this dumb book is cursed

And it's as boring as we can show!

Over the mountain and through the woods, please just get there you guys! This is taking forever and nothing is clever

And I'm already tired of tribes!!!

bum bum bum! An apprentice falls off the cliff bye!*

Brackenfur after doing nothing all arc! After I bullied him on Twitter! After I drove poor Holly to tears with my anti -Brackenfur

rhetoric! Saves a kid's life by doing a miracle jump and smacking a hawk in the face!!!

Leafpaw tries to reach out to her ancestors in the tribes weird puddle cave but gets the tribes ancestors instead. HMMM that couldn't possibly

conflict with future information!

Crowpaw is named CrowFeathertail in honor of Feathertail! This makes Leafpaw feel sorry for him. Then Stormfur drags Squirrelpaw

into the woods and tells her that he's staying with the tribe... That way, not only can Stormfur with his hot new girlfriend,

he can also be with his sister's corpse!

"Why are you telling me this?" Asks Squirrelpaw. "Wait! You're not in love with me?" he responds.

"I don't get it!" Then Brambleclaw breaks into the romance room and Squirrelpaw confesses to him. Brambleclaw barely acknowledges this at all.

Great! Fantastic romance, Erin!

Thank you very much. As soon as the cats leave the tribe they collectively fall off the mountain and land in Sandy Pond.

"How did we get all the way to New York?" asks Leafpaw. "I thought we were in the UK!"

"We killed a mountain lion, Leafpaw! There are no rules anymore!" responds Squirrelpaw. Firestar gives up and decides to live here anyways.